wow, I was so impressed with Democratic gains I decided to go to church - LOL - gotta start going back - some hot babes there - sure I love Jesus - now let's screw - (kidding)

this has been a weird week for me - going off God's green herb for a time - (I'm OUT) - lying in bed and going to sleep whenever I feel like it during a 5 day off stretch - working on preproduction for this album - (finally, again, it's getting started a 4th time after attempts 1-3 were determined to be el sucko) - and I'm just sorta getting over some shellshock at the hits poker and the poker blogger community have taken - Pauly just got his site hacked by an Absolute affilate - Felicia is gone - I can't even make the WPBT because the week before I'll be in friggen Los Angeles going broke playing uncle with my nephews -

they're more important then WPBT - I can't be an uncle to them much longer, so better make this run while I can -

I'm about 80% of the way towards what Felicia is thinking - for a number of reasons which I am more then willing to get into -

1. - I think this blog has suffered from my lack of drink - I was 100% honest then - now I'm about 70% honest - in fact, I can trace closing down a bit in part to the night when I quit drinking - which I'm not sure I fully documented in this blog for fear of legal entanglements ;) - but nevertheless, that was the first time I can remember not being totally forthright - and it totally 100 percent sucks dogass to have MissT come up and ask me to do jello shots only to remind her I'm no longer able to participate in God's Jello Brew.

2. - I ended up getting a boss who I was worried might be able to see what I was writing - my long bored work posts came to an end when the latest version of the HR security update for the year suggested posting to a blog on company time was a good way to get fired. Since the boss plays online I was worried she might read this - I'm not now but I'm wondering about a certain firewall resource who got my "your blog sucks" shirt - LOL - but self censorship came in - I'd love to talk more about the joys of certain herbal substances, but then again - why get fired? - I think I'll go find some legal substitutes today cause I'm getting antsy again.

3. - What else is there to say about poker? - more bad beats? - yes, AA got beat by AJ and then AJ got beat by 10/4 offsuit - so?

4. - all my life I've wanted to be a writer - usually it was a SONGWRITER but in the midst of a drought I turned to the blog for all emotional release - it was good - but at the same time, I swear this bitch has sank me a couple times - I'm almost certain a couple women I've asked out or dated have come to this thing, gotten something they didn't want, and stopped returning my calls - dammed google - my email is all over this, the poker boards, and god forbid, somewhere in a couple suicide discussion groups from 2000/2001 - but this blog could sink any political career - and with the advent of songwriting picking up again - I had some good feedback from bloggers on that, esp. my murder ballad Joe Lewis, and for that I'm grateful - but part of me is ready to bury all previous emails/blogs/accounts and start anew and anonymous again -

but in any case, we'll see - I was in the process of purchasing a house - still am and will make an offer on one but if it falls thru I'll be hitting extended stay america and renting a storage locker, and I don't think that'll necessarily be a bad thing - I think I need a change, that's all -

feel like changing a lot of stuff - home, haircut, job, social status, church attendance - let's see what goes and what stays

rb