Tuesday, February 21, 2017

If I believed in reincarnation....which I don't

I'd still say that this is my life, not that of Alexander or Lincoln or Gandhi

I'd say I pulled it out of the stardust and fire and smoke and gave life to it of my own, with no obligations or responsibilities to anyone for how it would turn out


somewhere along the way there was a little piece of someone, probably a Japanese fisherman in Feudal Japan,

And he would go out on the ocean not just for his job, but because he could do it and be alone with the ocean and sky

far from the Samurai and their armed thuggery and bullying

and the Daimyo who held power of life and death over his head

And the monks with their eternal judgement, cause they were that way and he wasn't

And he just sat out on the ocean and fished far from the villages and roads of men, and it broke his heart when he couldn't go out anymore

Maybe...just a little piece of that guy would have slipped in

if I believed in Reincarnation

...which I don't.

Saturday, May 02, 2015

so a couple things - I missed that I passed the 12 yr mark recently - woot!

I'm playing on Bovada - I've got about a 400 buck bankroll I've never withdrawn and hardly touched.  - but I'm going to see if I can get it up enough this year to justify a few hundred bucks out - there's no alternative right now for me.

I'm also playing on the downlow - for reasons I can't get into here, it's not something I want the whole world to know about - but if they do I'll defend my actions to the letter - but for now, we're back in the realm of the wild west, sneaking in games when I can.

To that end, I'm reviving the Open Internet Challenge - as you may recall you start with 40BB in your lowest level - (it used to be 40 bucks in .50/$1) - and work your way up or down except I'm starting at 0.05/0.10 and 4 bucks - (up to about 7.50)

Because Bovada's table choice and selection suck SO badly, I'm resorting to a lot of 6 handed play and some preflop tables I found online for hand selection and depending on experience post flop but at this level it's not hard.  The hard part is finding the time and tonight, well the games.

I am going to post about it on here probably - I've been posting about it on 2+2 but I doubt anyone will care there.  Here, however, I have a bit more room unless someone gets creative in their google searches.   We'll see


Thursday, January 08, 2015

to everyone with a compulsive gambler in their family - their spouse, their parents, or kids, or anyone with this problem that my blog may have encouraged or helped along in their addiction

I am so fucking sorry - I really really am -

Thursday, August 28, 2014

do you know what a lifehack is?   It's one of those unique and clever tricks like using a potato to unscrew a light bulb from a lamp that busted at the socket, or drilling a hole in the bottom of your garbage can so that you can pull the bag out easier without the resistance of suction at the bottom.

There are websites (lifehacker) and countless FB posts dedicated to such things - One I'm proud of that I copied is using an old wireless router as a "wireless NIC" for a Sony Blu-Ray player that would have otherwise charged me 100 bucks for a proprietary dongle.

So here's the thing that's been bugging me lately.  My entire life feels like a giant lifehack. 

the world is becoming more harsh on those in the middle class - dystopian novels aren't just popular with teenagers - they reflect a feeling in our society that someone, we don't know who, has their boot on our throat.  Republicans blame the government, Democrats blame Corporate Oligarchs, and they're probably both right cause they work together.

I just feel like in order to survive, you have to have a thousand little tricks to avoid detection and scrutiny, get the bills paid at the end of the month, keep your marriage intact, and generally survive without going ballistic or as my original plan entailed, full bore hermit.  (that plan is less likely without internet access but I've totally resisted the smartphone craze so far)

and the thing is, I'm clever and can think of unorthodox solutions - so while I'm a little fearful, I'm not tired or burned out - but lord, what must the retirees in RV's shuffling from seasonal to seasonal work, unable to truly retire be thinking?   What must that long food bank line every tuesday near the house be thinking? 

I've always been on the edge of civilized society - I was only able to come close to being a part of it when I was lubricated with booze, and that got out of hand fast.  Otherwise, I'm that piece of crust on the edge that no one wants to bother with, and I'm ok with it - it's probably why the poker scene and it's participants felt like home to me - they can be lonely places, and I wasn't so lonely so much as used to being alone, so it was good.

but as things are tougher to memorize - as a job becomes more of a necessity than something that can be ditched for a better one at random - as a paycheck becomes more week to week instead of a surplus, how the hell are we handling that.  With shitloads of pharmaceuticals, I suppose -

and don't get me started on Faith being the answer - not right now - now that I'm married to the clergy, it feels as much a part of the problem as anyone

I just don't know how they're dealing with it - and I'm not entirely sure how I'm dealing with it

and what really scares the shit out of me is being found out - some marketing genius sees me as an untapped market, or a russian hacker sees me as a worthy identity theft, or maybe someday I'm just an enemy of the state - it would be good to initiate the hermit protocol, but married life precludes such fantasies.

so I lifehack my way thru the day - It's a gift - I'm not sure it's a gift that God gives, but it is what it is


Tuesday, August 12, 2014

here in the back corner alley of a nearly forgotten blog, I sound one more barbaric YAWP

Dead Poets Society changed my life - I always marched to the beat of my own drummer (a high school classmate called it a tuba, more than a drummer - LOL) - and when I saw the movie it inspired me to be true to my own self for as long and as practical as I could be.

Over the years, I've done better at times (the album) - and worse at times (the job and hermitsville) - but I think people know there's still something a little different about me, and even this blog, for the limited viewership it had, it got because of the purity of it - the honesty - some of that came from the Dead Poets Society

So I raided Bittorrent tonight and got a nice 2GB copy of the movie - and after Sara went to sleep, I started it up.

Tonight, when Sean Leonard's character took his own life, I teared up a bit, but not for what I saw on the screen.  And at the end when Robin Williams walked out of the room and everyone began standing up on their desk, the last one to stand up was me, standing up out of my chair, because I had to say goodbye, O' Captain my Captain

Thursday, March 13, 2014

couple thoughts

1.  Made my first final table in a while in a 10+1 turbo (maybe 150 players) - we're up to oh, 6 players left - I'd like to make over 100 but I'm in 4th place (update - 5 left and 5th barely pays 100 but I gotta outlast the shortest stack to get to 4th)

2.  BTW - my online poker tip for the day is to play with sounds off - makes you pay attention to the board - now enough blogging


jesus, I won it - he almost came back from a 10-1 chip deficit to get me but I finally got him playing over aggressively heads up  - and yes, I hit some two outers on my way here but still - nice to finally win one

Thursday, January 16, 2014

wow...so I'm listening to an irish tune I recorded years ago off streaming liveireland.com - it was a blanket recording of all pc audio from the realplayer using goldwave

On this particular song there is the distinct sound of cards, chips splashing, and the sounds of Partypoker - I still recognize it - their chip and cards sounded different than Pokerstars - this was before we lost Party

god, what heartsick nostalgia - and the same with Paradise Poker - I used to love that site so much