I've never talked about this before - so let's break down what a typical night is like.

You start by doing the grunt work and waiting - you haul the amps and you wait for your turn. In my case, the room is full of friends of the band - the other members - sometimes I invite people, sometimes I don't - but mostly I want to be alone -

I listen to the bands - I look at them - size them up - we're better then them - more creative - more original - more real -

When the time comes you get up on stage and tune up - the lights are cooking and I can't tell if that's sweat dripping down my face or my nose is running, but it tastes salty, so I think it's sweat. The lights are in the face - and you scope the audience - every once in a while you look up - is everyone looking at you? Are they smiling or are heads nodding in rhythm, like they like the music?

Every mistake is amplified tenfold on the stage - monitors and amps don't smooth out as well as the house PA, and nearly every show sounds worse on stage then in the audience - so you pray it's better then you think and plow -

and for 45 min. you play like your marriages, your job, your happiness depends on it...and it does - for no one wants to be a faceless suburbanite - You hope you can write something or play something that moves others the way the best of your fav. music moves you.

And suddenly it's done - you are sweaty, drained, and the set is done - the fastest 45 min. of the year every time. You look for signs of approval, for glances from women sitting without men - for your fellow musicians to ask questions about your gear and your tunes - and you sit and wait for the damned club to close so you can get your $50.

And you hope you'll be back, with a bigger audience - with CD's and groupies and girlfriends and newer guitars with better amps.

And better songs - the best songs ever.

but fuck almighty....that 45 minutes goes fast doesn't it. So very very fast and so very very temporary.

RB