I tried to go back to that positive thinking thingy again - and the most positive thing I could do this morning was go back to bed when I got off work - normally I'll last a few hrs and crash around 11am - not today - crashed when I got home and slept till noon -

Finished the Sopranos - season 2 - but not before like a dumbass I found out on IMDB that Richie gets capped in episode 25 - ah well.

then it's 2pm - lines at the DMV are dead, so I went out (illegally in my truck, probably) and got my new tabs (and plates - apparently you gotta change every 7 yrs) - and got a new endtable for the bedroom so I can leave my smaller one by the chair for niceties like pizza and coke.

Then after that was done, and it was 4:00 - I sat down and opened up 4 seperate $10 SNG's - one after the other on pokerstars - and I said I wasn't going to obsess or worry or think about anything but making money on these games. But of course, I started pretending I was explaining to a friend the moves I was making - I did this before and scored 3rd in a 180 SNG, so sometimes I pretend I'm talking poker with someone who's interested -

and I tried to forget it all - ambitions that remain unfulfilled - songs that won't crawl out of the womb and a job that seems to be leaving me more and more unfulfilled and unhappy -

all of it - out the window -

4 SNG's - one bust in 8th, - three finishes in First. Sat at the three winning tables with a guy who called me Mr. Weak Tight - he said I only bet if I had it -

Here's how you can tell who the pros are - I pointed out that I was winning all our tables, but I didn't dissuade him from labeling me mr. weak tight - Weak tight guys can bet K2 into a 363 board and get folds from everyone - cause we only bet when we got something - LOL - and I pulled that stunt a lot in the mid rounds. Made a great call at my last table heads up with AT vs A8 - but he pushed and I had to make the call - toughie - but blammo -

I keep telling myself this year is gonna be much better then last year, but I don't believe it - I don't doubt my resolve, but I doubt the hands of providence - I doubt the swings of luck - I guess I believe there are forces beyond my control trying to prevent me from achieving true happiness - that's BS - but it's hard to shake a feeling you've had for 5 years.

I think way too much...way too fast - way too often. - but it beats being a moron, I guess.

RB