well, time to recommit myself to sobrity... - took three plunges last week, and that was 3 too many...so I've gone back to the smartrecovery.org website and am asking them what tools I can use at midnight when I'm bored/lonely out of my fucking mind and want a few shots to mellow the mind.

I think too much (last girl I dated said she thought I drank to slow my thoughts down to a speed everyone else uses) - and I sit up at 4am too much - and it'll get worse with the onset of winter and the night shift job....ah well.

I'm a little sad this controls me and not the other way around....I hated yesterday, wanting to go see a musician in town (Matthew Ryan) and realizing if I did, I'd probably get plowed off my ass...I hate making choices like that and having to make them - I hate seeing people I admire and some I work with who it takes everything from and knowing I could be just like them....and I REALLY hate people who can drink and it doesn't control them....they can alter their mood and stop where I'm blitzing myself to my gourd...

ah well... - In poker news, I've had a surprising streak with those SNG's - 13 games - 3 firsts, two 2nds, and two 3rds... - this is good...it puts the BR back into the tolerable category for awhile.... the 2+2 advice at http://tinyurl.com/6737l is really good - although it's designed for a bit faster tourneys, it's still applicable to Pokerstars....

I've also been doing some analysis of my poker game stats - and it's interesting...the 4 games I've show the most hrs. in and the most loss, well, truth is, it's really only about 1 BB/hr...which means I've got a tiny, tiny hole that needs plugging...I"m thinking it's my not raising hands like top pair decent kicker - I want other folks money in there, but then they're getting pot odds to run me down, and I bitch about that a lot lately...

I am about 2 weeks from my first paycheck....can't wait to get the good night shift money rolling in... - Once I was a rich guy as a contractor...actually broke 6 figures one year, and I won't do that again, but I'm a hell of a lot closer then I've ever been with a regular job b4 - so thank god....

first up....I'm getting me a comfy recliner...sitting on that futon is a fucking drag....

RB