made a 4th cash in a row and another final table - busted in 7th to some sick, sick shit.

call with KQ and get a JTx flop - I mean to bet but I've got a funky keyboard, and while typing in my bets, I keep getting the field populated with 8's - usually hitting the 8 key clears it but not this time - I only want to bet half the pot so I just check, not being able to type in the bet amount I want.

my opponent had open ender and I made my top pair with the K - just sick how I couldn't bet and although he had an open ended st8 draw I could have at least made it bad for him to draw - fruck.

7th better then a kick in the teeth, however. - will try again at 7am and try to increase the streak to 5 :)

My favorite is raising the first hr with 55, getting repopped and laying it down and some smart ass quips "no balls" I outlasted that smartass who didn't even make the money - can't win it all in the first hr, right?

RB

wow - two posts in one day - must be on crack. Actually, I'm kinda tired, and since this blog only sucked when I was sober or awake, maybe now is a good time - I've got an air called "Theidh Mi Dhachaigh" playing in the background - maybe it'll reset some good brainwaves or something.

Broke a cardinal rule and played in a 2nd and 3rd $10 tournament today. I've been stopping after the first cash, seeing as how I never make another one, but after the 3rd place finish, I took a 9th place finish in a 390 - (busted with QQ vs. AQ so I was a contender) - and a salvageable 18th in a 227 player turbo.

I'm not saying all the last few weeks I've spent at chess has anything to do with this sudden streak at poker. I got lucky and unlucky these games, but I seemed to get a 6th sense for repopping and timing my steals right - I rarely limped after the first hr, and stole enough blinds to stay ahead when it came time to win a pot. And when I played I was fearless.

It just has always seemed to me that I am depressed if I don't excel at something, and while I don't exactly excel at writing, or chess, or poker, the attempts in recent weeks to refocus brainpower on one or two tasks may have paid off - maybe I undid some of the alcohol damage from years ago - LOL. Rewired a few neurons to take a couple shorter paths again.

There's not a day I don't get a slight pain in my chest somewhere and wonder if it's anxiety or a heart attack. There's not a day I don't want to run back to the mountains, move up out of the sight of man and woman, and figure if I'm gonna be alone and lonely and aloof, at least I can do it in a place more scenic then a Minneapolis house that's twice as big as I need.

There's not a day I don't look in the mirror and realize I've crossed the line from young to middle aged - or maybe middle aged for me at least - :)

three cashes in a row - I should feel proud - (even though I essentially folded my way into the third one - thank you turbo blinds) -

but I feel like I wasted my whole day - and ergo, my whole life -

Maybe I'm just too paranoid every day is going to be my last.

rb

In the past I played the Pokerstars $10+1 at 2am - lately Full Tilt has been putting one on and I've been playing that one instead. One could safely point out that it's because I have dough at FT and not Pokerstars right now, but Pokerstars was regularly getting 550-600 players for that one and Full Tilt has been consistently around 116-117. Field size is important to me - decreases the chances of some doughhead going on an unsurmountable rampage that I can't top at the final table. It also reduces the difficulty factor of making a final table by a factor of 5.

I also like the Final Table design at FT - cameras and spectators - LOL.

Last week I almost made the money and with 3 players to go I lost with AA vs AK unsooted - I was a 93% fav. and was still ahead post flop with a QJx flop and no flush draws - nevertheless that motherloving 10 came on the turn - end of story. Same thing a bit earlier in the tournament a day ago - AA vs QJ suited and flop gave him two pair.

After that you stop waiting for the good hands - you take the coin flips and hope, knowing even the best hand can die no time post flop.

took 3rd tonight - and with the cards I got I should have taken 30th - :) - I picked up some good timing and when I lost a flop I had chips to spare and most times I didn't see opposition due to my T/A play preflop - (post flop I'm as passive as a monk) -

so I may actually start this month off on a 70% ROI after 14 tourneys/SNG's - not a bad way to start the year.

RB

played in two poker tourneys in the last 24 hrs - in one I took 36th and made 1.5 times my buyin back - in the 2nd I froze with QQ - 100 players to go, I raise with QQ and he repops 3 times what I raised.

I know to push here with 20xbb but decide to see a flop - it comes with an AK, I fold and he shows JJ - I froze and he knows I froze - utterly pathetic - I've been beating the dead horse so long I've got maggots flying up into my teeth -

I have applied for new jobs in other departments of my place of employment - I've heard potential employers will google you now, look for signs of you online - they'll find a myspace page with 1000 views and 4 lousy tunes - try taking that job from me now - HA.

I had two flashbacks of rumplemintz in the last week - very odd, like I'll catch a whiff of that nasty ass peppermint schnopps and I'll just feel it rush to me, the taste and thrill of trying to hold a chilled one down - I stopped drinking it due to a nasty near trip to detox I almost took with some workmates about 5 years ago and an urge to vomit at the bar.

I need an adventure.

RB

a month without posting - may be my longest -

truth be told, I got so sick of bad beats and overcards never coming and the whole "poker is popular" thing - I am so sick of it - it's a fad now - I'd rather have the leathery grinder tight asses then the current breed of get-rich snot nose runt that proliferates most poker environments these days. When I read Johnny Hughes stories over on Iggy's site, THAT'S the poker I want and miss, not this internet player meets get rich quick scammer. I want the outlaw activities, the room with three tables stashed in a non-descript NYC office building and the 17 year old girl as hostess basically giving you the delivery menu of the food you want - LOL - maybe I'll write about that - I don't think I ever did really. Club's shut down now for sure.

truth is, I've spent the last 3 weeks rekindling an old flame with Chess - I feel the need to excel at something again that doesn't have such a large luck element. - I will still play a $5/10 tourney once in a while, but now it's more like once a week, not 3-4 times a day.

don't know when or if I'll ever come back to poker - perhaps the mental discipline I'm reusing here in Chess will be valuable to future poker games - there is a lot of crossover -

but for now, I have nothin' to say about America's favorite pasttime. I miss being an outlaw gambling degenerate trying to make 1.5bb/hr. Nowadays church girls play poker - phffffttt...

RB