let's see....what's going on here.

a new OIC is up....a 24 hr one...shorter and sweeter - more about that here - http://tinyurl.com/3r9p4 - I'll try that one next week. I attempted the regular one agan and nearly gave myself a heart attack on the 50 cent tables.

I've placed in my last two tourneys....50th in the rebuy (a measly 90 bucks) and 7th in a 33 buck one (465 dollars) - that puts my tourney winnings for the month over 2 grand after losses are deducted, which ain't bad.

my style is very simple tho...lots of all in's - not good - I've got to work on my ending tourney play...I'm sort of an amateur one trick pony - but I'm scared to death of losing to an inferior hand post flop, so I try to dissuade them from seeing a flop in the later rounds. - It also negates the bluff, which is nice.

RB

I'm torn....

on one hand, if I become super successful playing poker, the democrats will hit me with higher taxes cause I'm more successful.

on the other, the Republicans and their religious buddies are twice as likely to hit me now cause I'm middle class (they always fuck the middle class) and the God folk may try to ban internet gambling outright, like that self-righteous little prick Ashcroft. (God, what a fucking weiner....can't even beat a dead man in an election then has the balls to try to tell people what the moral thing to do is)

either way, I'm screwed.

RB

rough day today....

on one hand, I dropped 150 on a 3/6 table in 55 minutes....

horrible, horrible run....didn't win a single hand/showdown.

so I was down to $40 again and do what I always do at 40 bucks....the Open Internet Challenge. LOL - and tried to play more aggressive Small Stakes Holdem Style -

went from 40 to 80 bucks in 3 hrs....not bad....of course, AA 4 times in 120 hands didn't hurt.

RB

ugh god...

the quick and easy upgrade path to W2K is bullshit....

so I'll stick with 98 for a while longer - do some research - go from there - - maybe use the 80 meg HD as my new mp3 server or something....

on another note....I have downloaded the eval. for pokertracker - curious to see what it says overall about my play -

I have also for the time being changed my headline from the booze soaked description to one even more vile....politics -

RB

50% of mission accomplished - new HD in - (120 GB SATA drive - good speed....mnnnn)

no W2K yet - will try that tonight with the bootable CD....

I had the unexpected shock of my life last night. I've made it a point of wiping out all traces of past relationships - I think about the past too much as is, without things like emails reminding me of bliss lost. Other lovers did the same thing with notes in days past - nothing big.

So I transfer files to new HD via utility, but my PST (personal Outlook Mailbox) doesn't go thur...I grab the one in the C drive thinking that's it.

It's not - it's the mailbox from an upgrade 2 yrs ago. so all of the sudden, I'm seeing old emails from a woman I loved 2 yrs ago, at that point in the relationship where everything was new, exciting, flirty..... I think my jaw hit the desk.... - comments about poker/life/general - all there and reminding me about what I loved about her -

why I didn't go out and get plowed that fucking moment I'll never know. - but I deleted the PST from the primary and tonight, I'll do the same for the backup.

can't wait till all this is done and I can play poker again.

RB

I'm thinking of blowing a couple hundred bucks tonight to upgrade to windows XP - get a new HD - ATA interface, and copy my stuff over to a new box and try the upgrade route...

not my favorite choice of operating systems, but jeez...memory leaks in 98 are crippling me....can't even run two friggen systems (Party Poker and Pokerstars) without crashes...

NO MORE, I SAY!!!!

:D

RB

this new aggressive idea that Small Stakes Holdem puts out isn't working too well

can't catch the hands I'm betting for value - seems like all it does is increase variance.....

I don't feel like increasing my variance....I'd rather increase my win rate - 4 betting flush draws into sets feels like a crock...they even have more outs to improve then I do....WTF wrote this book...

ah well. - Maybe I should just quit for the night - I'm exceptionally pissed cause I accidently unchecked the "remember password" for Intertops and their technical support was unable to mail it to me before I got blinded from the tourney....that'll piss in your boots real quick.

usually, I do well after several days off...guess not this time.

RB

I'm back.....

long nasty train ride....toilets didn't work and they were sorta hitting the car with some stench...ah well

interesting note - called Borders b4 I left - (4 hrs) and they said they had two copies of Small Stakes Holdem, but couldn't find them...since I had 4 hrs. to kill and it was near the train station, I checked it out, and low and behold, there was IT

read it once...very aggressive style of play...I'll try it out in some of my 50 cent holdem games today...

good to be home...I must admit....I have missed the cards and the email, even though 75 of the bastards were for Viagra/Cialis

RB

updated the setting on the blog. I got comments now, and I really like the look of this one better then the old one.

so much I actually went back and read all the old posts in the new format.....man, I'm a fucking whiner.

ALL RIGHT - THIS IS IT!!!! - this will be my last blog post for 10 days unless I find myself on the internet in Montana at the library or something - (which I may do just for the hit...that'll be tougher then booze to quit) -

and if so, I'll post something - otherwise, I'm gone till the 24th....

hope I can sleep thru the train ride most of the way.

RB

it's Sat...I'm still at work for 7 more hrs before I lose contact with the world in the wilds of Montana. - so I won't sign off yet.

I'm taking a shitload of poker books to read - I tried to snag Small Stakes Holdem, but it's not distributed in Minneapolis yet...so It'll have to wait. It is in TRANSIT according to Borders...ah well. It's a 22 hr train ride, and I expect to only be able to sleep for about 4 of them - I'll take my earplugs from the practice space...I bet that'll help a bit. but I'll do what I can. I'm taking a pillow and my army jacket (best blanket I have) - I've done this before...it can get cold on there at night. I don't relish being in a public place full of people for 24 hrs straight. I have a bad habit of slipping into tears at some point during the day....maybe I'll take a long bathroom break.

So what else am I taking? - Well, after my wonderful victory on Pokerstars, I WANTED to buy an Ipod, but I need the money for wages I'll lose this week - so I bought a CD player for 60 bucks that can read a burned disk of MP3's - that's about 12 albums per disk, and I'm taking back about 5 of them....fewest amount of disks I ever took back...LOL

won 40 bucks in a 3/6 game over 2 hrs after the tourney - on Pokerstars no less - I think I've been making a mistake in picking the games with the biggest pots on Party/Intertops - I don't like that much variance, so I'll stick with Pokerstars a while and see what happens.

I SUPPOSE that's positive +EV at about 4 BB/hr -

:( - I feel down today...almost came to tears twice - of course, that tends to be normal...esp. after listening to irish music and after 10 days of not drinking. I thought maybe it would improve, but I'm not sure it ever will without something chemical to kick the mood back up. - I think I need to get a new prescription for something - something I can take without alcohol to keep me from going ballistic - I suppose my obscene drinking didn't help the stuff last time.

I don't understand how I can feel so homeless all the time. I mean, I am GOING home....but to me it feels like it's gonna be tough...my desire to isolate myself from humanity lately is sorta put to the test with 12 solid days with the family. - this will also be the longest I've been from Minneapolis since about 2 yrs ago when I took my vacation after Krista took off.

just typing her name makes me miss her.....here I am wondering about patching things up with a former ex, and the one before her comes into my head and I totally forget about the newer one.

It's funny....where I was 2 yrs ago, and where I am now. - It's like I took a massive 180 degree drive over the fucking cliff from where I could have been had a couple other choices gone better for me. - Like Ashton Kutchner in tha that movie Butterfly Effect, i can trace a whole shitload of grief to one or two things but I can't go back and change them.

ah well - can't change a fucking thing about it now.....

speaking of which...I saw the directors cut as opposed to the theatrical version....holy shit...what a dark ending - extraordinarily happy, and yet extraordinarily sad - fuck...

I listen to this song all the time now.....it's a good one...a good one to end this post with. - Kate said she wrote it when she needed a lullibye

guess I'll do some work now...I'm gonna miss having this thing around - maybe I'll write manually and type it back in when I get back. -

RB

-----------------------------------
Sleepless Sailor, by Kate Rusby

I once was a sailor, a young man and brave
Da da dum day, da da dum dee
My nights were once sleepless,
and peace I would crave
Carry me home to the sea

Da da dum day, da da dum dee
Drift away sailor boys on the deep sea
Worry no more for you're safe now with me
Rest in my arms and my sweet melody

One night as I'm stood on the deck in the rain
Da da dum day, da da dum dee
I heard a sweet voice and she's singing my name
Carry me home to the sea

Da da dum day, da da dum dee
Drift away sailor boys on the deep sea
Worry no more for you're safe now with me
Rest in my arms and my sweet melody

Oh rock me so gently now ocean so deep
Da da dum day, da da dum dee
I wish I was back, cause I think I can't sleep
Carry me home to the sea

Da da dum day, da da dum dee
Drift away sailor boys on the deep sea
Worry no more for you're safe now with me
Rest in my arms and my sweet melody

kiss my sorry ass goodbye for 10 days, folks...

I'm going to visit the family in Montana, and will not have to internet - so I'm gonna let it go for 10 days.... :)

I'll talk to ya all on the 24th. -

RB

I'm going to do the 10 buck tourney again tonight....see if my results get me back in the top 9 - I'd like to have another big win b4 going home. - and since I did so well in it last week, I figure I own it...LOL

UPDATE: - died after 1 hr....with my best hand I had seen the whole hr...88

RB

I SO do not want to be at work today...I want to be at home...preferably kissing a hogtied brunette on my couch and getting her excited...LOL (that's the best case scenario, of course)

or wrestling alligators...or falling of the wagon, anything but sitting in this fucking room for 12 hrs..

RB

sorry to all the poker pros (all 3 of you) who read this fucking thing.... -

no new poker news, but I did post a hand by hand of my best tourney yet at 2+2

or as the wimpy URL says - http://tinyurl.com/5w63q

life has been more then I want to handle lately, and it comes out in depression (or as the girl I used to date recently speculated - a manic/depression....great...twice as fucked up) -

but hey....I need the poker game...it's good for me

and it kept me out of bars - sober 8 days and if I can make it thru work, I'll get another 10 in Montana.

RB

A stóir mo chroi, when you're far away
From the home that you'll soon be leaving
'Tis many a time by night and by day
That your heart will be sorely grieving
Though the stranger's land may be bright and fair
And rich in her treasures golden
You'll pine, I know, for the long ago
And the love that is never olden

A stóir mo chroi, in the stranger's land
There is plenty of wealth and wailing
Whilst gems adorn the great and the grand
There are faces with hunger paling
The road may be weary and hard to tread
And the lights of their cities blind you
Oh return, a stór, to Erin's shore
And the loved ones you've left behind you

A stóir mo chroi, when the evening mist
Over mountain and meadow is falling
Won't you turn away from the throng and list
And maybe you'll hear me calling
For the sound of a voice that is sorely missed
For somebody's speedy returning
A rún, a rún, won't you come back soon
To the one that will always love you

---------------------------------------------------------------

heard an acapella version of this song today....knocked me out...made me cry.

probably because it's a homesick song...and I am more homesick then ever...

problem is, I have no fucking clue in the slightest where home is...

RB

almost repeated my luck on Sun's rebuy tourney - 33 bucks - got 150 in 26th place...(eh - what can you do...) - bad luck but lots of outs on the flop.

I think for the sheer hell of it I'm gonna play a 10 buck Omaha tourney....I'd like to get a feel for that kind of game.

RB

took 2nd in a tourney last night....won $1700....yah... - I'll be writing something about it on 2+2 later this week -

but I'm still in a foul mood beyond compare....I have to go play a gig in an hour. There will be people there I want to see...probably none I don't - but I just don't want to go see them.

One of my biggest issues 18 months ago when all my problems started was I wanted to get away from people....people said no, come live with us instead - and basically I got forced into living situations I didn't want to be in - when I left, I gained a small measure of happiness and have never seen a couple of those friends since. I drove those friends away somewhat deliberatly by boozing it up a lot - they didn't approve, being good Christians and all...LOL

I have picked up the most rabid anti social behavior lately. I don't want to leave my room...If I do, I don't want to be around people, so I start drinking to deal with it - or if I don't want to and I'm too bored, I start drinking in my apt. - I skip Canterbury and instead go online where it's just LOL and not elbow bumping....If I went to a bar to drink, I did it with a book so I wouldn't have to socialize with anyone...

I basically broke up with the last GF because she invited me over for a movie and I freaked out cause I didn't wanna say no, but I didn't wanna be around her so I broke up with her...then I swing the other way and I get lonely - but even around people, I'm lonely so WTF should I care... trying to patch things up with her now, but maybe it's best for her if I just go crawl back into the hole and wait around to die...ya know.

and I have the damnest premonition - that I'm not going to get old (at least not in the yrs sense) - I've already turned totally grey at 31....that's not all biological - that's life beating me down...

just not sure how to fix it yet...

RB

I have just found out the job I was applying for...the one that was going to be a contractor converting over to a full time position has been blocked. - Management put the kibosh on it...

the job that was going to give me health benefits - a more livable wage - not today..

RB

...I miss Townes Van Zandt tonight....

we need ya Townes....pax
RB

horrible dream....HORRIBLE dream..

dreamed I bought my way into the WSOP main event.... - it was lasting 7 days - and we had the worst dealer in the world

and they played the first round like Stud - three cards to everyone with one face up -

and the chip colors didn't match, and there was space under the rail for chips to get lost in, and the tables were too crowded...and no one could tell me how much white chips were worth...

worst poker tourney ever, and I wasn't playing it from a satellite - I coughed up 10 grand to play it....brrrr...

RB

whiskeytown has got to stop posting when he's drunker then a skunk.

RB