Saturday, March 31, 2007

The silver ships of Andilar
Townes Van Zandt


Of those that sailed the silver ships
from Andilar I am the last
The deeds that rang our youthful dreams
it seems shall go undone
North for the shores of Valinor
our bows and crimson sails were made
Our captains were strong, our lances long
and our liege the holy king

The hills did turn from green to blue
and vanish as on the decks we watched
But every thought in that noble company
was forward bound
To the lifeless plains of Valinor
where reigns the dark and frozen one
And with tongues afire and glorious eyes
we pledged our mission be

The clime from mild to bitter ran
the wind from fair to fierce did blow
Oath and prayer did turn to thoughts
of homes left far behind
Longed every man for some glimpse of land
and the host that did await us there
But each new day brought only a sea
and sky of ice and gray

Thanks give no word can drag you through
those endless weeks our ships did roll
Thanks give you cannot see those sails
and faces bleach and draw
Ice we drank and leather did chew
for the oceans are unwholesome there
The dead that slid into the seas
did freeze before our eyes

Then a wind did fling the ships apart
each one to go her separate way
The sky did howl, the hull did groan
for how long I do not know
And what men were left when the winds had ceased
grew dull and low of countenance
For soldiers denied their battle plain
on comrades soon must turn

So one by one we died alone
some by hunger, some by steel
Bodies froze where they did fall
their souls unsanctified
Until only another and I were left
then just before his flame did fail
We shone ourselves brothers-in-arms
to serve the holy king

Perhaps this shall reach Andilar
although I know not how it can
For once again he's hurled his wind
upon the silver prow
But if it should my words are these
arise young men fine ships to build
And set them north for Valinor
'neath standards proud as fire

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

over the last couple nights, after spending time outside in the sun, I have gone stir crazy inside the house and have run out to Canterbury from 2200-0500 or so to play in the $100000 bad beat jackpot on the graveyard shift and just generally take money from the worst players on earth. Played phen. cards on Monday and took home 12 bucks - last night was a little better - tripled my buyin on 3/6 - :)

It's a minefield - some real good players interspaced out with the chumps - I spotted one when he cracked me with 10/6 offsuit, though he talked a good game - but he left with one stack - but a lot of times he said things like pot odds and "they were suited"

met a Palestinian who seemed nice and was all about it being only money, but when he lost he stopped saying that - and that he was never coming back and that he drove a 50K car - I got nothing against the guy though - I'd take him at my table every day of the week and twice on Tuesday. He dropped 84K at Mystic Lake in '96, he said.

Afterwards, our dealer, one of the more attractive dealers at Canterbury, pointed out that she wouldn't be booking a trip to Palestine anytime soon after that guy - either she is slightly ignorant of their plight in Gaza/West Bank or she just tried to be funny and couldn't cut it - but her unintentionally humorous statement and perfume made me smile -

One woman came to our table who bought in for $180, dropped 100 right off the bat - had a sleeveless top and leg warmers that came up to her knees - I say this cause she had two giant holes ripped in the legs of her jeans about mid knee running up about 15 inches - I think she was a dancer or something and someone told her to dress trashy to win - and in fact, she said she did win two SNG's that day, or so she said.

Everyone had a rap - everyone had the trash talk - almost more trash talk then on televised Wrestling - everyone had the game and the win from the previous table or earlier that day/week - one guy had the hoodie - another guy had the shades and the slow raise/angle play - and this is just 3/6 -

I had the headphones and IPod - :) - but I've been going out in an attempt to be sociable again - otherwise I just suck at such a task - I have truly heard it all and am almost never impressed anymore - except when I saw 72 offsuit beaten by 83 offsuit - (8 high) - that was impressive as hell -

I'm just there to eat food, drink water, and play cards - but at my core, I'm sorta back to where I was 7 years ago, playing 3/6 more for the social aspects - and cards I did play - even picked up the old "look away when checking" tell that showed me a flush - too bad I wasn't gonna bet my crap hand anyways :)

truth is, I just needed to do something with other people again - been in the wilderness for too long - and if I can walk in there with that mindset, my winning becomes a little easier again.

I have been dying of thirst in sight of water for some time now - I finally caught a few drops last night - gotta stay up late tonight too - maybe I'll catch a 2nd one -


Sunday, March 25, 2007

"all the federalies say, we could have had him any day
we only let him slip away, out of kindness I suppose"

hands down favorite chorus of all time - esp. in harmony.

the last couple weeks have actually been kinda rough, but the focus was outside my immediate circle of discussion, so I will not give specifics except I didn't take 1/20th the blow some folks did, but it brought back raw nerves that haven't been touched in awhile, like a sore muscle after taking your first mile-long walk in spring.

speaking of which, I did check out the neighborhood - good place - damn kids everywhere and I saw one little bastard trying to pick the door of what I think was his Dad's car door with a piece of wire - that never works but I didn't say anything - LOL

walked down to where movies and coffee are - (about 10 blocks as the crow flies) and 8 over the other way to Chinese - (not great lo mein but GREAT fried rice), but actually, each block is half as long as it is wide - so essentially 5 blocks worth - then I just soaked my face in the sun a while.

been listening to music I stopped listening to after a burnout phase - mostly songs I printed the lyrics into here - but also some classic Neil Young from my College days - (when I was only 20 yrs behind the curve - LOL) - while playing yet AGAIN my last satellite token - :)

I tore thru the Townes Van Zandt biography by John Knuth last week in my off time - No one makes you feel like giving up the songwriter dream like Townes - LOL - I wonder how his friends put up with him so much sometimes, but he was the kid everyone loved.

that may be the first complete book I've read in about a month, actually -

I feel like I'm just trying to get blinded into the money - and I'm tired of not getting paid, so I feel justified in my mind of just sitting out and waiting for the start of the payout once that last chump bubbles out - and I'm hoping I'm not the bubble.

but someone busted out before the money - someone I wasn't ready to see bust out yet, just like Poncho.

And I slipped away like Lefty.

even with the rain, I'm ready for spring. beyond ready for it - been waiting for years, actually.


Saturday, March 17, 2007

this has been a bad week -

it's no secret that even since I put this album recording hobby to the forefront that poker has suffered - or to be more blunt, I am cursed - never to win again, hook up with a girl, or even find crap the first time I look for it till this is done - at which point absolutely nothing will have changed and then i can blame my failures on something else.

But what's a mystery is how I can be a loser and still go to Canterbury on pocket AA tuesday and not be a bigger loser - it started innocently enough, with about 10BB dropped right off the bat when my 77 flopped a QQ7 board - but the BB had Q7 - nice -

a couple more hands like that, my KK not being strong enough, and I'm down 20bb - take a bathroom break, come back, and 5 hands flew by without my being there and I'm SB again - so an hr into an 8 hr day and 20BB down, I say fuck it - pack up my chips after only playing an hr, and take the last $60 of my buyin outta there -

on my way home, I catch the freeway exit, which these days has a homeless guy - doesn't matter which exit - there is a panhandler there with a sign at every one - he had one today that said "Homeless Vet" and he gave me that look - probably cause I had the army jacket and would understand.

Nope - all I did was drive on past and take my $65 home and blow it on what the hell ever - of course, the fact his sign said "vet" could be untrue, and yet we will see a serious influx of homeless and military personnel - wonder if I'll be able to drive by them all with my money safe and secure in my pocket - almost died of shame when I made that turn past -

I'm tired of being made to feel guilty for success and I'm tired of turning away from those who aren't as fortunate and really tired of having those more fortunate then I paraded on the TV screen 24/7 lifestyles of the rich and famous assholes that feed the diet of low-demoninator Television.

mostly, I'm just tired - where is Spring?


Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Listening to Neil Young's live at Massey Hall concert, 1971

Now I remember why I started dreaming this stuff - this is Neil at his WOW - where he could carry this whole thing all by himself all night long -

what a performance - guess I can see why he sat on them for awhile. Guess even when I became a fan, he was already in the business for 20+ years by then - He did this show before I was born.