trying to stay up as late as possible while the fiance sleeps downstairs so I'm playing online poker - gotta be able to stay up till 6am for work tomorrow and it's easier with entertainment then at work the next night - so I'm just doing that .50/$1 grind I do sometimes - back up to $253 - who knows - maybe someday I'll make it to $300

Man, I used to be more open and honest on here - more unafraid and intelligent and twisted - I suppose it was the chemicals - More willing to attempt to think and communicate - more empathic and concerned with the burdens of others - I used to be able to write that way with absolutely no regret or doubt

somewhere I lost that ability, but I don't think it's cause I lost my honesty - I think I just ran out of things to say - or worse yet, stopped caring what I said, as if my voice had nothing meaningful to contribute so why continue...

"while walking one day
I saw a wedding ring in the storm drain
a silver shiver caught in the stream of trash and rain
I then stopped
barely paused I recognized when and where it was
the metaphor was cheap but it wasn't lost
Ah you and me
doing our best to deal with the hands we were dealt
standing at the mirror looking for someone else
rain, rain, rain
rain, rain, rain"

Matthew Ryan - Rain, Rain, Rain