momma mia - I want a drink -

no particular reason - I just want to be like everyone else I know and see - Oblivious to that hole in my soul and in everything I see around me -

I want to embrace that type of self destructive behavior again that puts you on the short path to an early grave - waiting around for the President to declare Martial Law and invade Iran is wearing me down - I suppose I might always be eligible for the draft if I'm lucky -

not only that, but I don't feel like I can hang with poker bloggers anymore without a drink - all our best work is liquor fueled -

I read an interesting quote this week - forgot where it was - maybe it was a poker blog, but I don't think so - think it was Daily Kos - it went something like this.

Either you are a Collaborator, or you tend to resist authority - while those are extreme terms, at the end of the day, when the shit hits the fan, that's kinda what it comes down to - poker bloggers are NEVER collaborators - and that's what I love about them - by and large - fucking degenerates who take money from others and write about their triumphal smackdown with the Hammer are the kind of people who will help you move a body if you've earned their trust - and I miss them, but when I quit drinking, I put a rift back between me and them, and between me and the world I've never quite gotten over.

as my friend David would sometimes say in a song "Drunks usually look out after drunks" and I miss the comfort of the barstool - the stupid drunk philosophers who by and large, are trying to numb an injury to their soul or spirit that has long since become infected and deserving of amputation.

I miss the drunk binges in Vegas, and being able to outdrink the dumbass at the end of the table while still taking his money - the cute waitresses in the short skirts who always keep my glass half full and suggest reasonable and tasty alternatives to Jameson Irish -

And the Irish bars - lord do I miss the Irish bars - my favorite in St. Paul actually closed down - or turned into a regular neighborhood cover bar watering hole, rather. Might as well be dead to me now -

and I've learned moderation - in almost everything else I do now - I've learned to moderate and keep it healthy.

But I guess not today. Not tomorrow either, and probably not for awhile -

rb