ok - another SNG - since I've been out of commission for a while, let me raise hell -

I miss poker - almost as much as I miss whiskey :)

Not poker today - poker 5 years ago -

poker before rock stars - before poker tramps and cheats - before player branding/marketing and sponsorships -

before the WSOP became a goddamn circus -

(speaking of which - follow Amy C's link over there - she's doing some investigative work on where 2 Mil. in leftover WSOP chips came from in the 2006 WSOP.)

so I withdrew.

but not just from poker - when the house purchase went thru, and everything was painstakingly moved (by myself - cause I don't help others move anymore - always being hit up for the pickup) - I withdrew from this world and it's means and methods except for the internet link coming in and the occasional radio broadcast.

I withdrew from live cardrooms, from Vegas, from outdoors - from coffeeshops and bars, from Cable TV and the DVD marathon, and I mostly withdrew from playing in the band and gigs, and I just went into the tank - trying to figure out why I'm so fucked up. Still ain't figured it out - some days I can't bear to be in the house, and other days I can't bear to even leave it to buy a decent meal.

In the meantime, being online, I literally have a window to the world - but that's all it is - a window - granted a far reaching one - (anyone been to Iran's english news site? - kinda informative) -

I am so sick of ads, commercials, sales pitches - I get so much junk mail I have to take it to work to shred. Insurance for a family I will probably never get around to having - upgrades for a satellite dish

online poker can be reduced to the essentials - the internet can be reduced to a series of critical links for all up to date news and the rest can go to hell - (man, 3 days of Anna Nicole Smith coverage? - jeez - did Mother Teresa get that much?) -

New music can be downloaded instantly - if I want the Best of Big Country or Fred Eaglesmith, I have it without the friggen drive in -10 degrees thru 20 stoplights to the indie store where I can buy it for 15.99 or the new prefab teenage boy band. Ugh.....- (man, Big Country was a good band - those guitars sounding like bagpipes - LOL) -

what was supposed to be an establishment of a commerce free zone and a no BS zone has instead truly become Fortress Whiskeytown, with half the rooms empty or holding computer stuff moved in there last month, one room lived in, and one full of guitars and amps -

and yet I am not ready to face humanity again - I am no longer capable of listening to their individual gripes and concerns - I am a student of war, and it's effects, and I am feeling motivated when the Republican National Convention comes to town to stand outside there with a big ol' stick saying "repent" on a big placcard -

perhaps I am rambling now - but that's all I do - all I do is talk -

I think I am coming back out of the darkness, but what I drag into the light, the masses will not appreciate...

ah well, they didn't appreciate Jesus either. They didn't appreciate Townes either till he was almost dead - there's always a legacy though.

it's 4am and my online web plugin for weather says it's 12 degrees - think we're finally breaking the cold snap.

RB