well, it's 11:30, I have nothing left to smoke, no booze, no money in the online accounts until my Neteller deposit clears, and at LEAST 12 hrs till I go to bed and I only need two for Laundry.

Lucky for you guys....LOL

It astonishes me how much my outlook on certain things has changed since I stopped drinking.

I remember meeting a redhead one of my last nights on the Jameson - she seemed quirky, vibrant, obviously a very sexual woman with a bit of a freaky side (wooooohoooo - not everyone likes the handcuffs...LOL) and overall, I was a bit bummed when she gave all the attention to one of my coworkers as opposed to me.

A month later, we're talking on the phone cause my coworker was, oh, 13 years younger then her....LOL - and she's a bit of a party girl and a clubber - and lots of guys hit on her...

but all I can think is that this is the most VAPID woman I've ever met - says nothing and repeats herself. Our three phone conversations, where I said nothing but uh huh, are burned in my mind as wastes of time. No amount of cuteness or sexiness can stop that....and I wouldn't be able to sleep with the girl unless I had a lobomoty and Viagra cause as soon as she started talking, she'd ruin my mood.

I heard she got fired from her new job after a week as a hostess because well, she didn't know the menu...ay carumba. She's also desperate for kids and a companion/nursemaid and I know had I been drunk and my coworker not there, I could have been talked into all sorts of shit...

Every once in a while, you're walking thru the apt. and you see a hole in the wall about 6 inches where your head would be and you realized you dodged a bullet without even hearing it or noticing it....

sometimes, being lucky at love means missing the river card that would have made your flush and gotten your stack all in vs. a full house.

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In OOT over on twoplustwo.com, I've been having "conflicts" - I'm writing strange and quirky stuff....no more so then on this blog, but I'm not responding with one of the five standard OOT replies...

"SHIIP" - stick it in her pooper
"YSSCKY" - You should seriously consider killing yourself.
"Dude, I'm so Drunk"
"FYP" - Fixed your post (usually a rewrite of a quote that someone else wrote - I'm guilty of this one OCCASIONALLY)
"moran" - (a joke based on that pic. of a guy holding a billboard saying "get a clue, morans".

writing original content or anything other then the mandatory circle jerk stuff gets flamed - I know better - anyone I know with any poker talent whatsoever stopped hanging out there a long time ago...

maybe I'm just picking up a very, very low tolerance for stupid people. It's always been low, but it's approaching Felicia Lee fervor - (that's a compliment, I haven't seen Felicia in a while - hope she's good enough for the WPBT in Dec.)

so I dunno....am I displaying symptoms of a dry drunk like our fine President? - Is the onset of winter driving me to the edge? Could it be another 12 tourney finishes out of the money or those last levels on Forza Motorsports I can't deal with?

In any case, I have composed a goodbye to OOT - I'm not sure if I'll use it yet, but if I do, I expect I'll probably be totally banned (since you can't just ban a person from a forum) and I'll have to create a new gimmick account - but then, I have other tools for improving my game besides 2+2 - it's merely my oldest and first choice....but by no means the only one. Like I'm often told after a breakup, there are other fish in the sea - LOL.

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I have always been just a bit voliatle - I was way too unpopular in HS and barely avoided pariah status in College.

So the question is this....for the regular readers - is my content declining or improving. Not the quantity - I mean the quality...

I think for the most part, even my poker content is better - I'm able to articulate where my weakness are instead of "fucker called with 88 and rivered me" which says NOTHING about poker.

Perhaps a spinoff into a blog of non poker content (a la Pauly) is necessary - I see AlCantHang doesn't even CONSIDER me a poker blogger - LOL - or at least I don't have a link on his site.

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And I'm getting so pretentous lately - watching "Masked and Anonymous" and "Chelsea Walls" and I'm suffering from a Salieri complex.

For those of you who don't know - Salieri was Amadeus's contemporary - He KNEW what made great music, and he could pick it out, but he couldn't grasp it....

I know this everytime I listen to Uncle Tupelo or the Vigilantes of Love - I KNOW what makes it great, and I'm trying so desperately to mine what's left on the table for myself - trying to turn prime rib fat into a new three course meal. But I'm not quite there, am I. I think that's why I've been so verbal and writing so much lately - even stuff that probably should hit the brain filter. I find lines that I can reuse later from old notebooks or this blog for a song.

"Princess wears her red top, purse across her chest
like a ribbon on a present I'm supposed to undress"

I'm trying to figure out why I've become so obsessed with some of this stuff lately - On the director's commentary to Chelsea Walls (which is essentially a circle jerk of artsy fartsy actors and folks - LOL) -, Ethan Hawke said that this kind of person, the one always reaching up and taking grabs at genius are very hard people to deal with - they don't listen - all they think about is their art....their writing or music or paintings - It's almost impossible to have a relationship with them.....That's me to a T....

Is there a point where marching to the beat of one's own drummer becomes toxic? - Byron would disagree - He'd tell me I'm a failure till I've burned and insulted every last 2+2 poster and blogger who doesn't like my avatar - even my friends who I should reserve double scorn for....but he's dead...so I don't have to impress him.

The fact is, if I am dissatisifed with anything in life, whether financial or social or intellectual, it is mostly a self-imposed dissatisfaction. I make more then enough money for anyone of reasonable means and more so. I have enough friends and I can find others. I'm pretty damned smart (joined MENSA for a yr. before I realized it too was a circle jerk) - so why can't I be satisified with what limited success I have - a small blog with moderate readership, some really great songs and more on the way, and enough money to be approved for an 8K credit card from Circuit City.

So talk to me folks....many of the readers on this blog are friends and I would venture to say you're much better experts on the subject of artistic endeavours and human fraility then the "Me Too's" that are inhabiting my world right now...

drop me an email at somewhere if your comments are too personal and by all means, be personal if you wish to be...

I seek the advice of the only artists I know - the writers of the blogger community, and the Poker blogger community in particular.

PS...if anyone has a contact for scoring 420 in Minneapolis, please let me know - LOL.

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I'm searching for a post I made about buying a houseplant when I was drunk - woulda been months ago - despite my penchant for all things dead, it hasn't totally given up yet - I gave it some more water and plucked a dozen dead leaves from it's soil....

stubborn little fucker....I guess it's true....your pets end up being just like you - even if said pet is a tropical houseplant

RB