the weekly update of blathering and gibberish now commencing -

not a lot of poker again - for some reason, I got a stick up my ass to play Jedi Outcast (an old Lucasarts game from 2002 that I bought but never installed) - that's sorta cool...running with a lightsaber, kicking ass - sorta takes tension out of life - I think everyone should own a lightsaber.

meeting up with a girl I dated briefly real early this yr....in all honesty, my reconnection with her was over a drunk email, but lately, I've been so goddamn bored/lonely that I just don't give a rats ass...even if we just hang out and have fun, that's cool.

The last couple days, I've been wanting to listen to the Drive By Truckers - their new album, "the Dirty South" has been out of my Cd player in favor of the last one from 2003, but I gave it a good listen to recently. Lots of stories about people doing bad things they don't really want to do but feel they have no choice. and what's worse, it really puts a stick up my ass to try writing some new songs - but those are more precious then gold around here.

I forget my roots and life sometimes. I feel a bit guilty for making a high 5 figures in my current job, but then I remember the years of 7 bucks/hr and the 79 Toyota and eating tatertots for 3 days cause I only had 5 bucks for food. I also forget the obscene amount of work I did to get my knowledge level up to the point I could get a job in this field, but I'm not that far from the guys in those songs - (still lucky I got a job after 5 months unemployment, but then, I guess I am one of the smartest people I know....LOL - )

Strange...looking at my life 7 yrs ago...the band I was in, the direction I was headed - hanging with friends I don't speak to anymore - I am so fucking far off track from where I should have been, but I'm not entirely sure it's not somewhat self inflicted - I never really wanted a bland normal life - that's part of the reason I liked poker and part of the reason I dislike it now - I hate being part of a fad, even if I was two yrs. ahead of the curve.

and in any case, the band is on hiatus for now, so it don't matter. I could write the world's greatest record and keel over next week and no one would hear it...but I wish I had the passion for it the way I used to - the creativity...

don't think I'm gonna be going back to the violin for awhile.

RB