well...mom has gone home...

sad but good - I played blackjack instead of poker while she was gone and got my ass kicked repeatedly - but then, same as poker - :)

I guess I've spent the last couple days in a limbo moneywise - up then down - but I'm gonna take a couple days off -

I'm in a strange place - when I left Canterbury last night - I was down 100 bucks...I could have stuck around and tried to win it back, but I just didn't care....

I wasn't happy or sad - I just didn't care - and I went home, lit a candle - and lied on the floor in the dark listening to one song over and over - (Boys of Barr Na Sráide - Arcady) and watched the way the candle light flickered on the ceiling -

I sort of feel detached from everything - without any ambition or desire to do anything - it took all I could do to muster up what my mom should buy me for a Birthday present cause what do I want? - Anything I might possibly want I already have or can't be purchased, right? I finally settled for something I'll probably want to watch soon (last season of Futurama) -

I feel like Townes' "waiting around to die' - just killing time between the breathing and the grave - trying to be bored for as little as possible in between gasps of air. the ultimate waste of time and space -

in that context, poker playing sorta loses it's charm as well - so maybe I'll take a few off -

RB