Sunday, October 10, 2004

I am feeling a tremendous amount of unneeded and unnecessary fear at this point - a terrible gut feeling - like I'm going to lose something precious (I have so little left I value, it takes a lot of work to find something that matters to me still) - I'm feeling like I'm going to lose my band shortly for various reasons, and that leaves me in a state of terrible sadness - it's my last connection with people that doesn't involve poker.

I think losing my car has ringed in my head as lost freedom. and of course, whenever I lose something, my first response is to drink it away :( - all I have to do is wait 7 days, get the fat paychecks, and if I have to, grab a tow truck, tow the damn thing in, and blammo - truck fixed - but I don't feel it like that....dang it - it feels like I lost my freedom - I don't like that.

I just wanna get thru this day - go home, sleep, and relax for 3 days - I cashed out my EPT seat for 6000 FPP - I can try for it again this week and if I get it again, play it after I've had a day's rest and not 4 hrs. -

car troubles suck...

RB

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