There is a Bruce Springsteen song I once posted the lyrics to here

Patty Griffin does a powerful acoustic cover of it - I just put it on repeat and rack up 50 hits in the Ipod.

There is something about the chorus I keep coming back to -

I'm driving a stolen car
down on eldridge avenue
each night I wait to get caught
but I never do

Those lines take on so many meanings for me. The guilt and fear that comes with that mindset - waiting to get busted - reminds me of why I gave up certain habits that had become destructive - It has spiritual connotations for me, as I always live my life fearing that I've let down the authorities in my life - God, family, company (usually in that order) and it is a constant fear that I will be caught by one of the few people in the world I look up to.

the last version of the chours is also something

and I'm driving a stolen car on a pitch black night
and I'm telling myself, it's gonna be alright
I drive by night, and I travel in fear
that in this darkness I will disappear.

songs like this are what made me want to become a songwriter, and I took a long detour every few years trying to get there quicker, only to find my songwriting became an expentionally more difficult effort for me - (perhaps cause I study from the best - and I want to please that muse more then anything) - it's an art form to me I want to be proud of my contribution to - I throw out so many songs and I threw one out today. It was ok, but not great - that's all - not great.

I wish I could get this album done - I wish I practiced more and had better musical chops - I've improved a little, but not to the degree of a moderately regionally respected musician. Wish I could be a songwriter like Townes was - that's all I really wanna be now. But I get so frustrated with the form I basically quit in my head every week and get dragged into it only after 50 continuous plays of a Bruce Springsteen song sung by Patty Griffin.

it consumes me to a degree I still let it interfere with my personal relationships - what a terrible thing to be chained to - and it requires proficency in both literary and musical arts - and when I get complimented on singing, for example, I don't feel as half as good as when i've been complimented for the songwriting.

wonder if I still have a gig in july - Chris needs to get back to me.

and I'm driving a stolen car on a pitch black night
and I'm telling myself, it's gonna be alright
I drive by night, and I travel in fear
that in this darkness I will disappear.

rb