Wednesday, November 30, 2005

holy friggen moley -

I just borrowed a copy of an Xbox poker program - I decide to play a tournament, and whoops, it's 6 handed - no biggie - and the interface blows - no biggie..

I get 57 hearts and you start with 8BB, so of course I'm gonna limp multiway in this.

Flop comes with two hearts and me and one other player get it all in after 8 raises (limit tourney) -

She has K high - K8 on a QJ7 board - one heart in her hand, but that's it -

she bet away her entire stack on K high -

even the worst Party player isn't this bad - this software sucks. That was a waste of 5 min. of my life...I feel violated.

Glad I borrowed it from a friend - LOL Hate to think they violated me personally at the cash register.


hmmm...Pokerstars is doing a server restart - SNG's are disabled so I put $10 into a NL nickel/dime table -

still nickel and diming but I'm up from $300 to $380 on what's probably only about ten SNG's, none over $10 - - I am 75 FPP towards clearing the small bonus as well, so I'll just see if I can get the Pokerstars account up there for the year.

With the loss of my spreadsheet - (goddamn data corruption or somthing) - I'm stuck for tracking for the year....but I will have to recreate one for the next year...

I know this year is at a loss anyways - just played too many games above the BR and skill level - too much booze - next year will be better - I know it for a fact...


Did my first snowboarding experience tonight -- ow...3 weeks of lessons - I actually ended up rolling my vegas trip a day back so that I could catch the third lesson.

world of pain, bro - world of pain


Fuck - AK hearts got in an 8 buck pot and I couldn't hit one of the 15 outs I needed to win over two cards -

It's only $4.25 - shit...I'd blow more then that in a single shot - but it still sucks to lose it at poker - LOL.

ah well.


Got the new live Lucinda Williams - for some reason I put this off cause I didn't like her last album as much as Essence or Car Wheels - but it's pretty damned cool, of course.


I removed a post from a couple days ago - it talked too much about people who did not give consent to be present, and seeing as how I have no desire to actually TELL them about the blog.

I have a strange paranoia between that world and this one...I try not to let them cross over - I don't want friends to know that I have this window on the world where they can read about me - I had a couple I wished away - and I've removed every link (from the web pages) that I can but an intelligent person can still find me pretty darned easy.

Thank god there aren't that many intelligent people out there - LOL...


New Lucinda Williams Live album - awesome - I know I said it two items back - I'm saying it again - Live at the Fillmore - if Johnny Cash had an would have been Lucinda but Lucinda was already busy taking the title of songwriter from Hank Williams - Every city dweller and hip hop fan who doesn't listen to her cause she's a mixture of rock and country is going to come up short in their porfolio of great experiences in music.

I'm amazed she doesn't have more female fans - she writes a real good pissed off love song - LOL


looking forward to the WPBT - and being there on time Friday and actually schmoozing with some folks this time instead of running in late and running out to get sleep - LOL - I do have issues with schmoozing though - I'm horribly introverted, so if I look disinterested or worse yet (as will happen) forget your name....sorry - I suck with names to the N'th degree -

I had joked with my friend Liz that I should go wear the suit and act like a bigh shot at the poker table, but Liz pointed out that yeah, at it's core, it does look like I walked right out of a Carter Family picture in it. While that was the intended impression when I bought it, that may not fly in Vegas like it does on a stage....LOL - But I was never good at fashion - so maybe I'll just say fuck it...

I feel like dying the grey out of my hair....and regrowing the beard - (never happen in 8 days but I can go for the Sonny Crockett look - LOL


Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Sometimes I need to print stuff like this - when I bitch about luck too much.

To me, it's just a statistical possibility it had to happen - to him it was a sure thing, legs spread and all just waiting to be plucked....

but they come out of me sometimes just like they come to - - and truth be known I've seen em 6 times and cracked them twice - which is a LOT of times but above average crackerwise - LOL - I am starting one of those upswings - except for the fact I'm seeing a lot of AA now. - LOL

EDIT: - I did it again - took my AJ vs AK and cracked it - man - I'm gonna owe the devil for this.

PokerStars No-Limit Hold'em Tourney, Big Blind is t30 (9 handed) converter

MP3 (t80)
CO (t1455)
Hero (t485)
SB (t1780)
BB (t2590)
UTG (t410)
UTG+1 (t1865)
MP1 (t2080)
MP2 (t2755)

Preflop: Hero is Button with Ad, Jd.
3 folds, MP2 raises to t85, 2 folds, Hero raises to t485, 2 folds, MP2 calls t400.

Flop: (t1015) 7h, Tc, Ts (2 players)
Turn: (t1015) Qc (2 players)
River: (t1015) Kd (2 players)
Final Pot: t1015

Results in white below:
MP2 has As Ac (two pair, aces and tens).
Hero has Ad Jd (straight, ace high).
Outcome: Hero wins t1015.

Monday, November 28, 2005

I was listening to some albums that I haven't listened to in years that really influenced -

I think I realize now where this obsession with the word "strife" in my writing came from...

Stephen Stills - 4+20 -

I think what's astonishing to that I was listening to it in formulative teenage years....(20 years after it's time already) - and I really had no idea what it was about or what it meant....

Now I do....though I only visit this place every couple of years - LOL



Four and Twenty years ago
I come into this life,
Son of a woman
And a man who lived in strife.
He was tired of being poor
But he wasn't into selling door to door
And he worked like a devil to be more.

A different kind of poverty now upsets me so
Night after sleepless night
I walk the floor and want to know
Why am I so alone?
Where is my woman, can I bring her home?
Have I driven her away?
Is she gone?

Morning comes the sunrise,
And I'm driven to my bed
I see that it is empty
And there's devils in my head.
I embrace the many colored beast.
I grow weary of the torment
Can there be no peace?
And I find myself just wishing that my life would simply cease.

earned 230 TLB points and made $50 today in some tourneys - got to 10th in one...

it's's working......kept me alive long enough to run into AA 3 times and not be totally crippled.

I did that to myself - with 12 times the BB I took a gamble on my 66 being better then an all-in - He had AT, so it was the right read, but river delivered a gutshot of all things...LOL

And now, at this victory, my spreadsheet I track my results with went kaputtie - bastard.


holy shit....

this song is WAY too close - incredible -

On top of all that, I wrote a song about a guy who kills his GF cause he thinks she's gonna rat on him, and here this girl writes another song about turning in her boyfriend....LOL

Anyways, this is the one

Kathleen Edwards - Away


I remember the way
Driving home late
Speeding all the way
alone in the rain
I was rehearsing a part
from down at the bar
My mouth smelled like a drink
we were laughing, I think
I've been away.

Do you pick up your phone?
Do you check your mail
Do you answer your door
even if it's late
I don't know who to call
I don't know who to write
and I think I forgot
what your face looks like
I've been away

Do you think that I've changed
I swear I never tried
Memory's a terrible thing
When you use it right
I was rehearsing a part
From down at the bar
My mouth smelled like a drink
We were laughing, I think
I've been away...

Player #1: 2 for 2 doing that LOL
Player #1: makes bulffing so much more believable lol
Player #2: thats such a dumb bluff
Player #1: hows that ?
Player #1: its 2 for 2
Player #2: way till someone gets something
Player #1: don't plan on using it agian this tourney
Player #1: theres a reason its 2 for 2 lol only done it TWICE lol
whiskeytown: good - now I know who the pros are and can stay away from them

(much LOL) :)


Sunday, November 27, 2005

May be a change of plans...

I had originally planned to milk my $300 on Pokerstars in LL tourneys. Play them and as I get up there, increase my buyins if I have 100 times the entry.

This may change. Pokerstars has modified a lot of it's little tourneys so that they're now a 20% payout instead of a 10 percent payout -

I'm not sure if I'm cool with that..

HOWEVER, there is a great article on PScrew about building a bankroll as a tourney player...I may go that route though it requires a lot of SNG play.

kicking it around....options are open...

I'm also feeling this "limitation" of tournament games only will hurt me. I can see myself with $100 at one site for Limit - $100 at another site for NL, and $100 at Pokerstars for tourneys...

So that's the plan right now - we'll see how it goes.

I'm also going to build up a $1000 Live Bankroll and see what my options are there...

Gotta stop just hitting the bank account whenever I need change and gotta stop hitting the BR when I need the cash - get my stuff even and options open -

(that's the third time I said that - OPTIONS ARE OPEN - lol


Thursday, November 24, 2005

ah, it's been a while since I listened to Gillian Welch -

I overdid her third album and burned out - but some incredible stuff that's good again three years later...

including this gem -

I dream a highway back to you

Oh I dream a highway back to you love
A winding ribbon with a band of gold
A silver vision come and rest my soul
I dream a highway back to you

John he's kicking out the footlights
The Grand Ole Opry's got a brand new band
Lord, let me die with a hammer in my hand
I dream a highway back to you.

I think I'll move down into Memphis
And thank the hatchet man who forked my tongue
I lie and wait until the wagons come
And dream a highway back to you.

The getaway kicking up cinders
An empty wagon full of rattling bones
Moon in the mirror on a three-hour jones,
I dream a highway back to you.

Oh I dream a highway back to you love
A winding ribbon with a band of gold
A silver vision come arrest my soul
I dream a highway back to you.

Which lover are you, Jack of Diamonds?
Now you be Emmylou and I'll be Gram
I send a letter, don't know who I am
I dream a highway back to you.

I'm an indisguisable shade of twilight
Any second now I'm gonna turn myself on
In the blue display of the cool cathode ray
I dream a highway back to you.

I wish you knew me, Jack of Diamonds
Fire-riding, wheeling when I lead em up
Drank whisky with my water, sugar in my tea
My sails in rags with the staggers and the jags
I dream a highway back to you.

Oh I dream a highway back to you love
A winding ribbon with a band of gold
A silver vision come molest my soul
I dream a highway back to you.

Now give me some of what you're having
I'll take you as a viper into my head
A knife into my bed, arsenic when I'm fed
I dream a highway back to you.

Hang overhead from all directions
Radiation from the porcelain light
Blind and blistered by the morning white
I dream a highway back to you.

Sunday morning at the diner
Hollywood trembles on the verge of tears
I watched the waitress for a thousand years
Saw a wheel within a wheel, heard a call within a call
I dreamed a highway back to you.

Oh I dream a highway back to you love
A winding ribbon with a band of gold
A silver vision come molest my soul
I dream a highway back to you.

Step into the light, poor Lazarus
Don't lie alone behind the window shade
Let me see the mark death made
I dream a highway back to you.
I dream a highway back to you.

What will sustain us through the winter?
Where did last years lessons go?
Walk me out into the rain and snow
I dream a highway back to you.

Oh I dream a highway back to you love
A winding ribbon with a band of gold
A silver vision come and bless my soul
I dream a highway back to you

I dream a highway back to you
Oh I dream a highway back to you love
A winding ribbon with a band of gold
A silver vision come and bless my soul
I dream a highway back to you

I am notifying all you blogging bastards now....

ANYONE that tries playing the hammer on me at the WPBT - first thing you'll do is throw it down loudly and go "THE HAMMER!!!!" and draw attention to yourselves...

I reserve the right to slowroll you - and I'll do it too - LOL. - I hate that damned hammer.

I have commissioned a new t-shirt to replace my missing "Creed Sucks" shirt as well. I will say nothing but simply that everyone will be wanting to buy one at the end of the WPBT - LOL.


I have a new fan...(fan?) on 2+2 - he modified my avatar and used it for his own.

not bad...

I'm gonna scroll down a bit so you can get that out of your's bigger then I thought it would be in the upload.

don't say I never did anything for you....

just a bit further.....


as I stated in the OOT forum...

I've always been a bit puzzled by all the haters....

you can hate what I write, my politics, the way I think women should be treated, or whatever......but how can you hate THAT? That is the grin of a happy man in the thores of goofiness and carefree joy.

He was making over 140K a year (before the tech bubble burst) - and was in that room recording an album with a kickass rock band, and he was playing out at nights - sheeeit...he wasn't even an alcoholic yet. That was a photo of the recording sessions.

I believe there are people in this world who get miserable at seeing others happy. This astounds me...I'm by nature a depressed person - a cynic - a miserable bastard sometimes, but I've never wished anyone my unhappiness....

I would be depressed and single and I'd go to a wedding but all I could do was wish the best for my friends and everyone who was gonna hook up.

Life is too short to be miserable because someone is happy - even if their pic. does piss you off - LOL.


Tuesday, November 22, 2005

well, it's 11:30, I have nothing left to smoke, no booze, no money in the online accounts until my Neteller deposit clears, and at LEAST 12 hrs till I go to bed and I only need two for Laundry.

Lucky for you guys....LOL

It astonishes me how much my outlook on certain things has changed since I stopped drinking.

I remember meeting a redhead one of my last nights on the Jameson - she seemed quirky, vibrant, obviously a very sexual woman with a bit of a freaky side (wooooohoooo - not everyone likes the handcuffs...LOL) and overall, I was a bit bummed when she gave all the attention to one of my coworkers as opposed to me.

A month later, we're talking on the phone cause my coworker was, oh, 13 years younger then her....LOL - and she's a bit of a party girl and a clubber - and lots of guys hit on her...

but all I can think is that this is the most VAPID woman I've ever met - says nothing and repeats herself. Our three phone conversations, where I said nothing but uh huh, are burned in my mind as wastes of time. No amount of cuteness or sexiness can stop that....and I wouldn't be able to sleep with the girl unless I had a lobomoty and Viagra cause as soon as she started talking, she'd ruin my mood.

I heard she got fired from her new job after a week as a hostess because well, she didn't know the menu...ay carumba. She's also desperate for kids and a companion/nursemaid and I know had I been drunk and my coworker not there, I could have been talked into all sorts of shit...

Every once in a while, you're walking thru the apt. and you see a hole in the wall about 6 inches where your head would be and you realized you dodged a bullet without even hearing it or noticing it....

sometimes, being lucky at love means missing the river card that would have made your flush and gotten your stack all in vs. a full house.


In OOT over on, I've been having "conflicts" - I'm writing strange and quirky more so then on this blog, but I'm not responding with one of the five standard OOT replies...

"SHIIP" - stick it in her pooper
"YSSCKY" - You should seriously consider killing yourself.
"Dude, I'm so Drunk"
"FYP" - Fixed your post (usually a rewrite of a quote that someone else wrote - I'm guilty of this one OCCASIONALLY)
"moran" - (a joke based on that pic. of a guy holding a billboard saying "get a clue, morans".

writing original content or anything other then the mandatory circle jerk stuff gets flamed - I know better - anyone I know with any poker talent whatsoever stopped hanging out there a long time ago...

maybe I'm just picking up a very, very low tolerance for stupid people. It's always been low, but it's approaching Felicia Lee fervor - (that's a compliment, I haven't seen Felicia in a while - hope she's good enough for the WPBT in Dec.)

so I I displaying symptoms of a dry drunk like our fine President? - Is the onset of winter driving me to the edge? Could it be another 12 tourney finishes out of the money or those last levels on Forza Motorsports I can't deal with?

In any case, I have composed a goodbye to OOT - I'm not sure if I'll use it yet, but if I do, I expect I'll probably be totally banned (since you can't just ban a person from a forum) and I'll have to create a new gimmick account - but then, I have other tools for improving my game besides 2+2 - it's merely my oldest and first choice....but by no means the only one. Like I'm often told after a breakup, there are other fish in the sea - LOL.


I have always been just a bit voliatle - I was way too unpopular in HS and barely avoided pariah status in College.

So the question is this....for the regular readers - is my content declining or improving. Not the quantity - I mean the quality...

I think for the most part, even my poker content is better - I'm able to articulate where my weakness are instead of "fucker called with 88 and rivered me" which says NOTHING about poker.

Perhaps a spinoff into a blog of non poker content (a la Pauly) is necessary - I see AlCantHang doesn't even CONSIDER me a poker blogger - LOL - or at least I don't have a link on his site.


And I'm getting so pretentous lately - watching "Masked and Anonymous" and "Chelsea Walls" and I'm suffering from a Salieri complex.

For those of you who don't know - Salieri was Amadeus's contemporary - He KNEW what made great music, and he could pick it out, but he couldn't grasp it....

I know this everytime I listen to Uncle Tupelo or the Vigilantes of Love - I KNOW what makes it great, and I'm trying so desperately to mine what's left on the table for myself - trying to turn prime rib fat into a new three course meal. But I'm not quite there, am I. I think that's why I've been so verbal and writing so much lately - even stuff that probably should hit the brain filter. I find lines that I can reuse later from old notebooks or this blog for a song.

"Princess wears her red top, purse across her chest
like a ribbon on a present I'm supposed to undress"

I'm trying to figure out why I've become so obsessed with some of this stuff lately - On the director's commentary to Chelsea Walls (which is essentially a circle jerk of artsy fartsy actors and folks - LOL) -, Ethan Hawke said that this kind of person, the one always reaching up and taking grabs at genius are very hard people to deal with - they don't listen - all they think about is their art....their writing or music or paintings - It's almost impossible to have a relationship with them.....That's me to a T....

Is there a point where marching to the beat of one's own drummer becomes toxic? - Byron would disagree - He'd tell me I'm a failure till I've burned and insulted every last 2+2 poster and blogger who doesn't like my avatar - even my friends who I should reserve double scorn for....but he's I don't have to impress him.

The fact is, if I am dissatisifed with anything in life, whether financial or social or intellectual, it is mostly a self-imposed dissatisfaction. I make more then enough money for anyone of reasonable means and more so. I have enough friends and I can find others. I'm pretty damned smart (joined MENSA for a yr. before I realized it too was a circle jerk) - so why can't I be satisified with what limited success I have - a small blog with moderate readership, some really great songs and more on the way, and enough money to be approved for an 8K credit card from Circuit City.

So talk to me folks....many of the readers on this blog are friends and I would venture to say you're much better experts on the subject of artistic endeavours and human fraility then the "Me Too's" that are inhabiting my world right now...

drop me an email at somewhere if your comments are too personal and by all means, be personal if you wish to be...

I seek the advice of the only artists I know - the writers of the blogger community, and the Poker blogger community in particular.

PS...if anyone has a contact for scoring 420 in Minneapolis, please let me know - LOL.


I'm searching for a post I made about buying a houseplant when I was drunk - woulda been months ago - despite my penchant for all things dead, it hasn't totally given up yet - I gave it some more water and plucked a dozen dead leaves from it's soil....

stubborn little fucker....I guess it's true....your pets end up being just like you - even if said pet is a tropical houseplant


I am about two more notches away from being removed from the OOT forum on 2+2 - actually, I'm back in the good graces - I'm thinking of removing myself.

Biggest fucking circle jerk I've ever seen - how those guys can stand to have their dicks in each other's mouths for that long is beyond me....must be an acquired taste.

ah goes on..


Sunday, November 20, 2005

From Rounders....

You don't hear much about guys who take their shot and miss. But I'll tell you what happened to them. They end up humping crappy jobs on graveyard shifts trying to figure out how they came up short.

Or else they end up looking at computer screens that look like this.

playing out the last pennies of their online accounts while waiting for their next deposit to clear - LOL.


Friday, November 18, 2005

Everyone has a breaking point...

a point where mainstream sensibilities take over, and it becomes not a question of art or offense, but merely unacceptable - even a hole full of degenerates like the 2+2 OOT crowd.

Apparently, Bollywood is the string that broke the camel's back.

You see, that's the difference between me and them. Just writing that sentence, having the means and the cause to write a sentence that has probably never been written in recent memory - that to me is the ultimate goal. That rocks - that brings me joy.

so I'm taking a couple days off from 2+2's OOT group...should probably take a break here too - but fuck it - if anyone here doesn't like it they can stop reading...LOL.

the Weekend is almost here...10 more hrs...


it was an unwanted song - not hated or despised or necessarily bad - merely unwanted.

it had no place in the album - it had no place on the radio - everyone agreed it was nice and had lots of potential, but it wasn't wanted.

Where do unwanted songs go? - - No - they filter down to the grass and weeds take over and consume the notes and the lyrics for food - worms dine on them and go forth to be used as fish bait, who like worms who are well fed on melodies and codas and bridges and guitar solos.

It made no connection - no one heard it and said "yes, that's how I feel" - No one ever claimed any close personal connection to it - no one ever fucked anyone with it playing in the background like a movie soundtrack. It had no bearings, and no advocate.

Every once in a while one shows up at the door, as my friend Bill used to say - like a child you forgot you had. You let it in, feed it lunch, and catch up on it....and then off it goes like a prodigal son -

In many ways it would be better to be hated then unwanted - it thinks....even hated songs are popular....


Republicans....I've been listening to the rantings and ravings, and I've got terrible news for you all - Yer OUT of DATE...

Some of you may have been using these fav. Republican Catchphrases - but they're no longer valid -

"the Democrats' behavior is reprehensible"
"McCarthy was a great American"
"We are winning the war on Terror/Iraq"
"Less Taxes - Smaller Government"
"Liberals Hate America"
"We want a return to traditional values"

You will need to be up to date with your latest Republican catch phrases - so be sure to keep up to date with the latest Republican Catch Phrases. Don't be the last rich white man on the block to not have these new lines in your collection...

"We are cooperating fully with the Department of Justice's Investigation"

and don't forget this golden chestnut

"I have no recollection of that incident/memo/conversation"

It's ok - you don't have to mean it just like you didn't with the previous ones....just repeat it over and over til Fox broadcasts it as fact.

Just a friendly reminder from your fav. Politics Fourm poster. Cause I wanna help you SUCCEED - (in getting your asses handed to you in the Midterms and 2008)


Wednesday, November 16, 2005

it's an off of those nights where you turn off all the lights and just turn on the special occasion ones - the red ones and blue ones and candles that lie around that you've been waiting to get rid of...

slow piano melodies run thru my head - those kind that make you want to jump off buildings or pull up a movie and rewatch your favorite parts again, like watching Kate Rusby singing "I wonder what's keeping my true love this night" in Heartlands - and watching Colin grow from a shopkeeper to a man of the world.

and the lyrics to the piano melodies are the same "going nowhere" - nowhere at all - and a line that Wilco wrote for that Chelsea Walls movie - "I promise you and you promise me, we will never admit defeat - I promise, you promise me"

But I feel defeated - I feel worn...tired of making the top 20% in tourneys and not the top 10% or the top 1%. Tired of playing gigs and seeing the same faces over and over because we can't build an audience. Tired of being the go-to guy at work. I want to lose my job, my band, pack it all up, sell the unnecessary, and just...go somewhere and start over - maybe even start boozing again - anything to shake it up.

But I can't do that - I can't even be irresponsibly fiscally, cause I'm going on a budget - just nights of sitting up in the apt. You know, I upgraded from the studio to the one bedroom and I'm not sure why....I didn't need the bedroom - I never stay in it unless I'm sleeping, but I guess a studio apt. felt too much like...a prison cell - at least now I get out of the cell into the prison yard occasionally.

The view from my window is starting to turn white - flurries falling - roads icing over - time to resume the underground parking full time.

"It's hard to say who's really a poet" - what a line - how true it is. - are you a poet if you keep writing the same poem over and over - are you only a poet online, and a waste of space in real life....does any of it show any relevance -

Do I trust someone enough to let them shave my beard - trust them to put a razor sharp blade to my neck and scrape away at it - No - I can't think of a single person I'd trust with that job, despite my relatively low concern for living. I have sealed myself off from the world - like the poor man's Howard Hughes. All I need now is a phobia of germs.

How many pieces of yourself can you amputate before you're not you anymore...

Going nowhere - fast...


OK....let's discuss.

I've gotten about 240 TLB points this week on Pokerstars...that's the most I've gotten in a week all year - I dropped $100 doing it.

On one hand, I made some mistakes, on the other hand I'm making some good progress.

I've learned that raising is better then calling. I realized that my newfound aggression in betting doesn't work when I just check/call - only when I raise. I've learned the strength of continuation bets and I've gotten damn good at getting to the halfway mark with more then the average stack, and this without needing a lucky double up every time.

I'm still choking the 2nd hr - Tonight I had some bad results - I ran into AA a couple times, I had mine cracked.

I made one error that I'm just going over and over - it was the $11 MTT that I was 9th out of 242 (81 get paid) and I raise with AJ suited and get a LP caller.

Flop comes AT3 - all clubs, and I check and he bets enough to where if I call, I have to go all in. I put him on a weak A, so I call. It was weaker then AJ - AT - so he nailed the two pair on me. I'm still replaying that one, but I was 8 tabling at the time - LOL.

I feel like I'm definately getting the rhythm of the first hr. - I can usually carry it up another 30-50 minutes into the 2nd hr and then I feel like I'm losing ground. I can't get comfortable with certain positions and feeling like raising as freely with A9 when it's a larger percentage of my surviving stack.

So I'm getting there - and of course, these tourneys have little tricks - rule of advice- if you have some good hands, like AK, JJ, AA, AQ suited - try just pushing all in early on - you get so many calls that are just stupid it's incredible - people think you're trying to buy it all the time.

I've decided to start with a $300 investment and play the 1-3 tourneys till I get up to $1000, which would be a few final tables, but not out of the ordinary. I need a specific goal towards towards and specific targets to the next levels - this is a way to go. I've also got some other poker related money that comes in from time to time - that is discretionary for me, as far as I'm concerned.

So I'll keep this up till I'm sick of it and want limit games again - LOL. -

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

didn't do anything in the deep stacks -

I have made the money 2 for 2 in those experimental payout tourneys where they pay 20% - both times I made it to almost 10% so probably for sure made less then I would in a normal payout tourney of the same size field, cause I broke the top 10% -

I'm feeling better about the game lately - I'm getting to the 2nd hr with the average number of chips generally, and with very little fuss - usually not needing the crucial double up - just raising more and following up with it - it'd be nice to see my stats - I bet I've really kicked ass on improving those stats -

every game I get close to the money is one I make a final table and one I make the big money - ...


I have to tell this story - Iggy reminded me of it.

The scene starts with a roommate - he has a computer - it starts old gears cranking again - I hadn't had a PC since the TI994A days and I sure didn't have the internet -
the wheels start in motion - I'm poor but a friend says he can let go of a blown custom made Computer City PC for $250. (He's a manager there) - It needs a motherboard - and it's only a Pentium 125, but we think we can overclock it, and eventually, we have it going at P166 speeds.

The bed is a giant wooden loft - I sleep on two foam matresses on top - below is a blanket and an office chair and a box to move desks in. It has books in it currently, but it's obviously the size of the desk - a 14 inch VGA monitor - old IBM that no one will miss is given to me by some station engineers at the radio station I work at - but it's obvious either the video card or the monitor sucks, so both are upgraded. I get in a 56K modem that someone left lying around the repair shop one day. (no kidding, under a rack of shelves - I was also fixing PC's at the time) - and my provider supports the x2 USR Robotics standard, so I'm usually connecting at 46,000 bytes/sec.

Sitting under that loft, blanket down as to not disturb roommates, I proceeded to well, start the life that would become this one - one more internet focused -

Not sure if that's a blessing or a curse - jury will be out a long while, but thinking of that old piece of shit, wanting to play Heroes of Might and Magic 2 - 800 MB harddrive - that was the day.

That eventually went to my stepmom who I THINK still runs it's older then dirt, but she still runs. the next PC, an AMD K6-2/350 had issues - so I eventually build a PIII 600 for my main box and Athlon 1200 for my Windows 2000 server - I try to upgrade that to my home PC but no dice so now I have a new custom built 3.2 Gig pc.

But I still like that old p.o.s. too - back when you could find computer parts that actually might help rather then hurt your machine.



Monday, November 14, 2005

I decided to sign up for one of the $30 Deep Stack Tourneys on Pokerstars - already had AQ rivered by A9 - little bastards have more chips to chase with...

note to self - be mean


Sunday, November 13, 2005

You know, I'll always be blown away by music. How a signal sent thru our ears - the way music can impact so many other senses and work such pleasure in unfamiliar ways is astounding.

I've always known this, but I'm even more stunned by the music that's doing it to me the most lately - Classic Country - Crystal Gayle, Emmylou Harris, old Waylon, Willie, George Jones and Hank Williams and Sylvia and Ronnie Milsap and David Allen Coe.

These songs are childhood songs - I didn't like them them and they're not something I'd ever compose or enjoy, (well, the GOOD stuff, like Hank Williams, I wish I could compose and pull off for real) - but this is the stuff I heard.

And now - at 33, these songs from my childhood, my parent's record collection and what the radio played, these are some of my favorite songs right now, which goes totally against my normal musical tastes.

And to be able to pipe it in 24x7 on XM satellite Radio or Cable TV Music stations - to have the music you want when you want it....

SERIOUSLY - think for a moment - I didn't know who the Replacements or Soul Asylum were in Montana in 1990 - But now, I hear a song, I can google the lyrics to find an artist website where the song is and then I can buy the album online without having to find the special catalog or store that might have a copy we could order.

I can listen to ANY preprogrammed music genre on - and listen to streaming Irish music where I first heard Kate Rusby, who has become my most favorite artist - and I'd have NEVER heard her on the radio or anywhere a few years ago.

and I can scope the whole album via preview before I buy it - so I can decide if it's worth my dollars cause I will pay for the music - I want the artists to keep making it, but I'm not gonna buy a dog shit album for $12 and two good tracks.

For the lover of music, the 21st Century is our pinnicle - we have total manipulation of the recording process now - we can do ANYHTHG we can sonically image in the studio, within only the barest of limits. We can distribue to ANYONE who wants it with an internet connection, and ANYONE can get a copy if they want it. No secret stores, singles clubs like the Subpop label had, no major label even required to make a living if you're good enough and have the drive to do the business too.

Ladies and Gentleman. If you love music, there is simply no better time to be alive - this is our new frontier - everything afterwards is gonna be so out in left field or unexpected that it'll probably go new directions in our enjoyment. But for now, we have reached Shangrai-La.


I should mention something else - something I haven't thought about for years.

This isn't my first online blog - I used to have an online journal - and it was part of a webring back before webrings were cool.

and it was all inspired by this lady - found her a few yrs. ago in a book about 24 hrs on the internet - back when I started surfing -

She reposted her old journal last year - apparently lawsuits were part of the reason it went away - a chilling commentary on all of us who post out here although I don't live in Canada - I think she was a Toronto woman, and like all intelligent women, I crushed over her, but I'm past that now and doing fine, thank you.

Hope yer doing well, Carolyn. I blame you for all this online journal crap we now have to wade thru to find the good stuff. But it's a small judgement - $20 will get you out of it in small claims court - LOL


some ignorant fucking wastes of oxygen in the world, I tell ya....the poster known as Maxwell Smart from 2+2 needs to stop using both hands on the dildo he molests himself with on a regular basis and learn a few rules about forum posting.

(I said something to that effect but deleted it - no point in getting banned for a gimmick account from a kid so stupid he can't tell horseshit from a poor grade of housepaint.


I was cruising some sites tonight...for lack of a better word, let's call them semi-professional/semi-famous pros - a lot of their blogs/journals are lacking - in fact, the sole purpose of the site seems to be to have a web presence so if someone wants to help them make it big, there is contact info out there. I was disappointed that
Jennicide's website doesn't have more tourney info on there - but apparently she's trying to be healthy - A couple other pro sites have been redesigned and they say as little as before -

Annie Duke seems to be trying a bit - she updated on 10/07 - previous updates were 5/30, 3/14, and 4/09/04 - so maybe she's updating - LOL - she also has new october pics up - I think I liked her better as a redhead though....ah well.

Dutch recovered from a month long drought - and he met Bill Fillmaff - worth a checking out...

I won't even post a link to Paul Phillips right now - it's a 2+2 bashfest - for a guy who doesn't care that he's banned he spends a lot of ink going over it again and again. So much for fatherhood mellowing a man out -

and Gavin's website is being redesigned - newer pictures - he looks like more of a dickhead then he used to - I don't think the buzzcut works for him. I don't think he's a dickhead, (though I've only chatted online with him, not in person) - so it's too bad. But hair grows back too.


I think I enjoy swearing too much - someone pointed out to me that I said the word "Fuck" 3 times lastnight on stage - I'm reminded of a story with Steve Earle -

Steve met Dylan in late 1987 or early 1988. He went on tour with Bob for four months. After 30 days out on tour, the only place Steve had seen Bob was on stage. Steve's manager said that Dylan had a problem with Steve's language on stage. Steve asked, "Well what do you mean?". His manager replied, "He thinks you say 'fuck' too much.". Steve paused and said, "Well.... fuck him." Two nights later, Bob suddenly materialized like a little cloud and he said, "Steve you're doing a great job" and then disappeared.

Steve's my hero - anti-death penalty - great songwriter, and ain't afraid to be himself - And Townes was his hero, and also one of mine - and we're all lousy role models who don't go over well in church - LOL -

I'm worried that somewhere down the line, I'm gonna run into a cocksucker like the Sheik from this year's WSOP and get about an hr. in penalities from the table - I need to work on my vernacular a bit more - plenty of tell people to go bone themselves with a barbed-wire condom while sleeping with a baggie over their heads without the vulgarity of the F-word. - tsk tsk. Have I no poetry left in me?


That reminds me - I put a comment in the blog - in response to Pauly - I do think I have a 2nd fav. scene from Chelsea Walls. - Where Wall (the young kid) and Uma Thurman meet in the hallway and he tries his 13 year old moves.

Wall: So, do you wanna come sleep over?

Grace: Sleep Over? - No, I couldn't do that, but I could come visit sometimes.

Wall: I was thinking we could go to my friend Judy's house. She's got an aquarium. And afterwards, we could go to my house and read some Langston Hughes.

Grace: - Langston Hughes? - Where did you get Langston Hughes?

Wall: My Dad

Grace: - Is he a poet?

Wall: - I dunno - sorta hard to tell who's a poet and who isn't, you know?


If you ever want to understand Whiskeytown - I mean, REALLY understand him, I tell you again, rent this movie and watch the characters who live in the hotel. That's me - virtually all of them - that's me. - I love that - "sorta hard to tell who's a poet and who isn't" - but it takes more then shooting your wife with a gun in a William Tell moment to make a poet.


Iggy posted an interview with Erik Seidel - Erik is a good guy - I'm glad to have gotten the chance to meet him and talk music with him once in a while - I think if anyone's gonna give Chan and Doyle a run for the most WSOP bracelts, it'll be him. (Phil Hellmuth is out of the running and will continue to be...IMHO)


A phenom. has started on 2+2 - one that I started and never get credit for - insufferable bastards - LOL - the Micro Tourney Challenge.

Basically, you play 9 or 10 micro tourneys on Pokerstars, and the guys who get the farthest win. I don't have the heart to tell the competitors that it wasn't started as a competition to others, but as the direct result of too small a bankroll - LOL - but hey, why shatter the fun, right? But tomorrow I think I'll play it.


I've beaten approx. 70% of Forza Motorsports - damned thing just keeps getting harder. I have learned that while smoking weed while driving doesn't screw up the physical reflexes any, it does blow the attention span out the window - but then again, as you can see from the coherance of the above post, I don't really need any help in that dept. - Any more nasty jumps we can take? - Should I comment on the rumors that Annie Duke has had a boob job since winning 2 mil? - Can we make this a commentary on all plastic surgery by jumping to Awful Plastic Surgery and making fun of rich peole who have ruined themselves?

Shall I reveal my metrosexual secret? I used to use Preperation H...not for it's intended medical usage up ye ol' asshole, but a new tube (never stuck up anyone's ass) - purchased for the purpose of attempting to reduce saddlebag eyes...(apparently it's a good remedy.) - What's next? - I don't color the hair and I'm getting a longer and longer beard every day - damn that being comfortable in one's own skin.


I hope I never become a professional writer. I would hate to have the death of that many editors on my conscience. LOL


ah ha ha....oh man.

I was trying to respond to a 2+2 post about your favorite commandment from God. I remember one about being satisified with the breasts of your wife, so I was looking for it on Google -

I ran a search for the following words - satisified, breasts, wife, bible - and the 9th hit out of 187 was this blog. One of the monthly summaries...

hoo about a one track mind - LOL


Saturday, November 12, 2005

I've never talked about this before - so let's break down what a typical night is like.

You start by doing the grunt work and waiting - you haul the amps and you wait for your turn. In my case, the room is full of friends of the band - the other members - sometimes I invite people, sometimes I don't - but mostly I want to be alone -

I listen to the bands - I look at them - size them up - we're better then them - more creative - more original - more real -

When the time comes you get up on stage and tune up - the lights are cooking and I can't tell if that's sweat dripping down my face or my nose is running, but it tastes salty, so I think it's sweat. The lights are in the face - and you scope the audience - every once in a while you look up - is everyone looking at you? Are they smiling or are heads nodding in rhythm, like they like the music?

Every mistake is amplified tenfold on the stage - monitors and amps don't smooth out as well as the house PA, and nearly every show sounds worse on stage then in the audience - so you pray it's better then you think and plow -

and for 45 min. you play like your marriages, your job, your happiness depends on it...and it does - for no one wants to be a faceless suburbanite - You hope you can write something or play something that moves others the way the best of your fav. music moves you.

And suddenly it's done - you are sweaty, drained, and the set is done - the fastest 45 min. of the year every time. You look for signs of approval, for glances from women sitting without men - for your fellow musicians to ask questions about your gear and your tunes - and you sit and wait for the damned club to close so you can get your $50.

And you hope you'll be back, with a bigger audience - with CD's and groupies and girlfriends and newer guitars with better amps.

And better songs - the best songs ever.

but fuck almighty....that 45 minutes goes fast doesn't it. So very very fast and so very very temporary.


Friday, November 11, 2005

I have come to another realization in the last 24 hrs.

When I was in my 20's I didn't really hook up with a girlfriend because I thought it would impede my dreams of being a musician - my dissatisifaction with my life and position kept me from chasing too hard. Since I'm not really a fling person, I was just on my own a lot or with friends.

When I turned 30 and got the job I got, It became the whole "This is a good place to camp out for 20 years, build a 401K, etc, etc" - I began looking around for the right woman to spend my life with - struck out on a couple - struck a couple out myself and beaned a couple with accidental wild pitches.

And now it's not enough - that drive is coming back - that urge to shut out the world and find some song, some line that says what I can't - the melodies that you want to keep replaying over and over again. Whether it's because I've been single for so long anyways or the absence of tranquilizers like booze, I don't know...

Winter will be interesting - it will have some teeth to it this year, both mentally and physically - my first reaction is a violent one - when you see something with sharp vicious teeth and a manical grin walking towards you, your first impulse is to grab an iron pipe and swing - but that's a flight or fly reaction. That's not really....logical. I could stand around a while and see if it takes a bite first and if so, then knock it's fucking brains out...

I am talking about winter, aren't I. I've got mortal enemies I like more then Winter - but it comes - and kills Fall, my fav. season. This winter we'll hide out for awhile - keep reading and writing and see what Spring brings. I don't have to be a songwriter to be a writer, right?


I've written a budget to get out of debt - I'm going to stop doing the 401K thing and I'm going to get out of debt within 6 months. - I have allocated a budget of $200/Mo for poker - this will be LL crap and slush until it gets big again - if I get it to $1500 it goes back to 500 and I make a 1K payment on one of my two big bills - perhaps by being meticulous, I can overcome this strong tendancy I have to just say fuck it and keep depositing when I don't need to.

But this starts in January. I have one more Vegas trip with bloggers in Dec. ;) -



This is my favorite part of that movie Chelsea Walls...

When Rosario Dawson is reading this poem right into the camera - I don't know if it's just lines from the play, improvization, or from a poem, so I can't give real credit for it except for that fact that I saw it in the movie.


I want to be a lost poem in a strangers coat pocket,
that conveys the importance of you.
To assure you of my desire, to assure you of dreams.
I want all the possibilities of you in writing.
I want to give your reflection.
I want your eyes on me.
I want to travel to the lightness with you and stay there.
I want everyhing before you to follow us like a trail behind me.
I want never to say goodbye to you, even on the street corner or the phone.

I want......I want so much I'm breathless.
I want to put my power into a poem to burn a hole in your pocket so i can sew it.
I want my words to scream through you.
I want the poem not to mean that much.
And I want to contradict myself by accident, and for you to know what i mean.
I want you to be distant and for me to feel you close.
I want endless days when its day and nightime never to end when its night.
I want all the seasons in one day.
I want the sun to set before us and come up in front of us.
I want water to run up to our waists and to be drenched by the rain up to our ankles with holes in our shoes.
I want to think your thoughts becuase they're mine. I want only what's urgent with you.
I want to get in the way of the barriers and I want you to be a tough guy when your supposed to, like you do already.
And I want you to be tender, like you do already.
And I want us to have met for a reason and I want that reason to be important.
And I want it to be bigger than us, I want it to take over us.
I want to forget.
I want to remember us.
And when you say you love me, I don't want to think you really mean New York City and all the fun we have in it.
And I want your smile always and your grimaces too.
I want your scar on my lips and I want your dissappointments in my heart.
I want your strength in my soul, and I want my soul in my eyes.
I want to believe everything you say, and I do.
And I want you to tell me what's best, when I dont know.
And when your lost I want to find you.
And when your weary, I want to give you steeples and cathedral thoughts and coliseum dreams.
I want to drag you from the darkness and kneel with you exhausted with the blinding light blaring on us.

Of all the things I've recorded on DVR, the 2nd best thing is this movie Chelsea Walls. (first fav. is the documentary on weed) - I have seen this movie before - and then after devouring it, I devoured it a second time with the director's commentary.

When I went to NYC to see TT and NJChick, the first thing...the only thing, even over the friggen Statue of Liberty, that I HAD to see was the Chelsea Hotel. I wanted to see this place where artists created and had done so for 50 years.

I have dreams that I wish to fulfill after my first 7.5 Mil dollar win. One is to go to Ireland for awhile and study celtic music. the Irish fiddle, flute, arrangements, stuff like that. And another one is to spend a few months at the Chelsea Hotel, trying to make some mark as an artist.

The characters all are fascinating in this movie - They're all artists of some time - But I think my fav. is Rosario Dawson's character. She's a writer, I think, because what she says and speaks is incredible - her lines - her feelings towards her boyfriend - when he shows up at the beginning, she's angry at everything and running for two minutes before he just says "I'm staying this time" - but he doesn't.

I want to be in a place like that - somewhere away from here -

When I say artist, I mean writer, of course. I haven't drawn a picture in 15 years and haven't doodled for 5 yrs. when I used to have more pages of doodles in my notebooks then school notes.

I think of Pauly - who I think was from NYC and now lives the perfect life as a writer - goes everywhere - can go back to NYC and spend 5 months playing poker online while drinking in Dylan Thomas' room...

I'll say this, I don't envy many people in the world - unless they're rich. That's the one thing that can make me feel bad - intelligence, appearance, well, maybe not wives, but the point is, I don't see much I wish I could steal from other people.

But I envy you, Pauly - :) And I envy everyone in Love even more, but worst of all, I think I envy the people who get to spend some of their lives in the Chelsea Hotel.

In my own stupid way, living so close to Uptown in Minneapolis is part of my way of getting near the artist's quarter - the home of Minneapolis rock - always drinking in bars where Tommy Stinson would hang out from time to time or the replacements - and throwing on that army jacket and fitting... - not fitting in, but fitting. But it ain't the same...

I am not wearing the army jacket at tomorrow's gig - I have bought a thrift store suit jacket and I'll throw that on and a wrinkled collared shirt - I have been getting the urge to look less like a punk and more like a grizzled veteran of the Grand Ol' Opry - LOL.

I need a change....I'm beginning to get bored - and I always get worse when I get bored....

I start seeing the whiskey bottles and the freedom of burdens and boredom and relentless lap after lap on the same track with the a car that slides too hard cause I took the turn too fast and that's when you get passed - and I want to think if I go slower on the corners I can run the track faster. Not sure if that makes much sense, but it's bullshit, whatever I want to talk myself into.

bored. Here's a snippet of a song I'm working on

"Princess wears her red top, purse across her chest
like a ribbon on a present I'm supposed to undress. "

I think she used to let her purse strap fall between her breasts so they'd look bigger against a tight shirt - I think she may have felt a B-cup wasn't quite as big as she wanted.

Robert Sean Leonard's character in this movie is a musician - he stands everywhere with that guitar - sleeps with it - I used to breathe and think music like that - trying to imagine melodies in my head - the next line - I obsessed over it like a man in love - I was in love with the dream of being a successful musician. As long as I play in a band - I look at my options for playing music and I revamp or re-evaulate what I am doing with what I enjoy and cross-reference it with what I am capable of being allowed to do for a living.

Put it another way, I'm playing a fast sort of punk/folk rock in my 20's. Eventually I realize that I will not become a solid writer or get paid to keep doing it with grey hair and at 32 - so my next favorite genre is Alt. Country. By the time I'm 90, I hope to be playing the Blues and still going strong.

Ok, I've wandered enough for awhile....I'll come back after the gig probably. Tomorrow night, 9:30 at Lee's Liquor Lounge in Minneapolis, if anyone's around.


Thursday, November 10, 2005

You know you're running bad when in your 4th 180 SNG of the week, you take KK all in midfield and run into AA

and as you walk away from the table with incredible peace and relief as you think - "Thank God it's not another goddamn two-outer suckout from an ignorant prick who can't play poker"-

pretty sad, when you think about it....though not as sad as Phil Hellmuth in that same situation bitching about how the guy shoulda laid down AA to such a world class champion. LOL

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Iggy posted about this guy - I like it - guy decides to play poker for a living but relocates to paradise in Thailand where it's cheaper and easier to live - can't fault a guy for that -

I'm gonna read thru it and if I like it, it goes on the special links list - for those of you who haven't noticed, that is not a comphrensive list, and if I don't like the blog, it doesn't go on the list - truth be told, it's really an online list of bookmarks for me -

and it needs editing - I guess we're never gonna see AsiaK. again - no idea where she went - hope she's well - Gamesgrid was non-responsive in my emails as to whether she had died or gotten ill, so I'll assume she's left us for deeper wells of intellect - so I guess I'll pull her link down and one or two of the others that didn't pan out and move on...


Wow - 180 player SNG's at Pokerstars - I'm SO there - they fill up fast too - A nice little tourney whenever I want, and not 9 players with only a $45 payout - we're talking 1K to the winner -

and they run 24x7 - as soon as they fill up - awesome..


Monday, November 07, 2005

I have issues....

It's clear to me tonight that I have this unrelenting anger that just doesn't let go today - I'm trying to pin it down - it's that seething hatred that comes out in Everclear's "The Twistinside" -

I had a couple bad rundowns - but that happens - I haven't drank in two months, but I don't want to - I found out an ex-gf. is almost married, but that's good - I broke up with her - I haven't gotten stoned in two days, but if I'm gonna sing, I can't -


Gonna get a new tattoo, black inscription around my arm
like a life that is visible and real
I know, I know - stupid and immature -
just wanna give shape to the face twisting inside you and me...


Actually, I've had this anger before - cranking that Everclear album at 10 helps.... -

So does playing rock and roll -


I'm about to say something really offensive - something that's terrible and will probably get me in trouble someday - beware....

In reading the following post, you may feel I'm talking about some fucking idiot who called my QQ with 22 all in on a 983 flop and rivered another 2. And yes, that was an ignorant fucking idiot....but there are bigger ignorant fuckwads out there...

Tomorrow Texans vote to put bigotry back into their constitution...They say it's not Natural Law for two people of the same gender to want to be together, so they're gonna make it as difficult as possible for them to try. want Natural Law? - Let me give you some, you fucking rednecks - you're all ignorant cocksuckers who wouldn't be alive right now if it weren't in violation if Natural Law, because Darwin's Theory of Natural Selection says you can't survive if you're inferior, but in our 21st century world, we coddle and protect you so you can.

I want Natural Law to rule too - survival of the fittest - and there is a part of me that wishes a bird influenza pandemic would blow thru the US and decimate it.

Nature has been held back too long - We as a species are out of control and nature has a way of correcting that shit - Take out a few million, take care of that unemployment problem and that Social Security crisis and we'll all be stronger who survived.

and let's face it - there are just too many ignorant fucking idiots in the world - I think I could survive it cause I'm smart and fairly healthy - but all these fucking useless wastes of oxygen who repeat and vote what their pastors and leaders tell them without any foresight or thought into the consequences or freedoms of others - They're useless as a screen door on a sub.

I admit it - I hope mother Nature makes a serious fucking course correction across their bigoted Texan asses - One Hurricane isn't enough.


shaping up to be one of those days...

you know the type - retard on your left who called a previous raise with J4 and got lucky raises your BB from under the gun - - You see KK and you know he's a goddamn fool so you get him all in - cause he's a fucking idiot and he'd never need AA to commit to a pot -

But you see that AT - and you know the ignorant little cunt WILL hit a 3 outer - it's inevitible - goddamn fucking fool can't miss..


Sunday, November 06, 2005

I love having Cable TV with digital cable music stations - (you guys would be using the XM radio but I'm just here at home)

I've got the classic country song on - Crystal Gayle is on right now...I remember these songs as a kid - and even though I don't really LIKE the stuff, per se, hearing these old familiar tunes again really makes me feel good...

I forgot about this one....dang..

David Allen Coe - The Ride

I was thumbin' back from Montgomery with a guitar on my back
When a stranger pulled up beside me in an antique Cadillac.
Well, he was dressed like 1950, half drunk and hallow eyed
Its a long walk to Nashville, would you like a ride, son.
He sat down in the front seat, and turned on the radio
and them sad old songs comin' outta them speakers was solid country gold.
Then I noticed the stranger was ghost white pale when he asked me for a light.
And knew there was somethin' strange about this ride.

He said: Mister can you make folks cry when you play and sing.
Can you pay your dues, can you moan the blues
Can you bend them guitar strangs.
He said: Boy, can you make folks feel what you feel inside,
Cause if your big star bound let me warn you its a long hard ride.

Well, he cried just south of Nashville, and he turned that car around.
he said: this is where you get off, boy
cause I'm going back to Alabam'.
I stepped out of that ole Cadillac and I said Mister, many thanks.
he said you don't have to call me mister, Mister.
The whole world called me Hank.

He said: Mister can you make folks cry when you play and sing.
Can you pay your dues, can you moan the blues
Can you bend them guitar strangs.
He said: Boy, can you make folks feel what you feel inside,
Cause if your big star bound let me warn you its a long hard ride.
Cause if your big star bound let me warn you its a long hard ride.


Forgot I was in a $10 for 30 minutes - ah well - maybe I'll bounce back - at 1300 chips after one hr. I'm in sorry shape and yet surprisingly not too concerned cause it's cheap - my best hand was 88 in those first 30 minutes...

It's amazing how a fall day sends your thoughts back to past romances, isn't it....for some reason, they say spring is for Lovers, but I think Fall/Winter are more what I remember - at those times in life when it's too damned cold to be outside and the only thing that makes sense is going indoors and snuggling under the covers -

meanwhile, I've got one on my tail that sounds like loser warmed over. Women talk - a lot - I accept that and am glad cause it requires me to be less clever then usual - but this girl - fuck - she says NOTHING - (as in non-stop talk about nothing) - not only does she SAY nothing - she REPEATS herself saying nothing -

I hate to get into that Kayne West mode, but lately I think all the girls I meet see me not as a nice guy or marriage material, but as financial security - Instead of the artists and socially conscicous women I used to meet - I now attract restraunt hostesses who are 35, have had 3 miscarriages and a husband who beat them, and are so hungry to latch onto a checkbook that they'll consider dating me after the 23 year old at the office party (their first choice) didn't pan out...

actually, really pisses me off to no end - when I get right down to it...but mostly at my past failures - I've fucked up a couple nice relationships - but a couple fucked me up too - so I guess it's even...

I'm back in grizzley mode - (not shaving) - I don't know why, but lately I haven't liked looking at myself in the mirror - at least with the beard I can look at myself again - LOL - I like seeing something different after the last 30 years...

My friend Randy used to say it insulated us from colds too in winter - he'd start growing one in Fall and shave in Spring...

He died on us in college - weak heart valve - smartest guy I ever knew - I was a bit of a poor friend in college - was always too busy to hang out with him after we transferred to a real college with a real social scene -

I feel like I let him down a bit there, but near the end, he drove my blue pickup to work during the worst storm we had seen that year - no one drives it - but I trusted him - so I'm hoping that he didn't think too ill of me in the end...

you wanna know what futility is? - It's hearing your friend was ill in 2nd period class, saying a prayer for him 3rd period, and going to 4th period and finding out he died before you even heard the news - that's wasted effort....that's a wasted prayer...

Now on the CD player - Kate Rusby's "Moon Shadow"


Saturday, November 05, 2005

Found the stuff -

I have booked the $200 flight and emailed about reserving the Imperial Palace rate for the rooms Fri-Tues - the 9th-13th of Dec. I will be at the World Poker Blogger's Tour Winter Classic - better find my "Creed Sucks" T-shirt in the hamper...

This is in many ways, a capper - the last trip to Vegas of this year, and with the IP being sold, the chances of it staying the IP much longer are probably not so good - It may be my last Vegas trip for awhile - if all I want to do is get good at tourneys, then my worst hole was in Vegas - playing those $500 ones - but you know what, I'll probably keep playing NL as well - since it IS my one profitable game of the year - LOL.

The Imperial Palace was my first girlfriend - not as Glamorous as Bellagio or as Sensible as MGM - more like a high school drama crush that got frisky for a few weeks - we both moved on, but I popped my cherry with her - got my first tourney win and my first stay there - and I love it's position on the strip -

On the day it dies, I'm gonna cry - I'm almost certain of it - Felicia thought it was a piece of shit, I think, the first time she came to see me there - but I get one more tourney there.....and hopefully she'll be well enough to travel - she should be there - in many ways, she sorta started the whole Blogger Tourney principal, and got me to start this blog again after a hiatus so I could play in the crummy cliented Planet Poker tourneys she was holding for bloggers -

This all before I knew of Iggy - Wil Wheaton (well, I knew of him WAY before his PS endorsement and his blog - but I didn't realize he was also a poker player till a couple years ago - but I've always been a member of Wil's Posse - gotta buy his books and get them signed)

NO GETTING WT DRUNK!!! - You can get me stoned, but not drunk - LOL - that's my only request...

gonna be fun.


and this time, you blogging cocksuckers, I won't be an hour late showing up - LOL I'm rolling in the night before - :)


well, kinda hard to believe, but doing the math here, and tonight is the 60 day mark for no booze -

Of course, I've picked up ANOTHER bad habit in it's place, and my obsession over getting it legalized may be as bad as my obsession for Jessica Alba, but truth is, it's a pinprick vs. a bullet in comparision - I'm just a lot better off...

so fuck ya, whiskey


Holy fuck - I just busted out of a 9 player SNG the first hand -

got all in preflop first hand vs a manaic with AA to his 99 - flop came three clubs (fine - I have the A of clubs) and he rivers a three outer (one other club gives him a st8 flush) -

Man - that's a bad way to start the night - although to be honest, my 7th place finish today made sure I can play a few $11 games without any pressure - I brought in a few bucks - first final table in two months too - although it was just 130 players -


As I said, I'm gonna focus exclusively on tourneys and SNG's for the forseeable future - this is what I wanna play, really, so I better do it - I got time for one more before the shower and Applebee's too - LOL - another finish like that though, and pow, right in the kisser -


One more thing - I've requested to go to Vegas for the blogger's tourney - One more trip to Vegas this year - but I can't find the website or verification I'm in - I know it's at the Imperial Palace - I'll try googling it



Friday, November 04, 2005

busy busy busy - not much time -

but I thought I'd share this link from 2+2

This looks like an even better tournament results tracking spreadsheet then my old one - does a better job then Pokertracker too, IMHO - has Pokerstars TLB points and everything -

very damned cool - as I change to focus on tourneys it'll be good to have -

PS - I am now using a new option - Moderate Comments - any new comments posted will be subjected to approval -

No biggie - just keeping a certain element away from the comment boards - just do as before and I'll approve all the smartass comments - LOL


I don't know if I've ever published these -

I have these three questions I like to ask when deciding a course of action...if I have to make an important decision like whether I would do A or B or C -

1. What would Jesus Christ Do?

Fair question - even if you hate religion, there's a lot to be said for a guy who preached non-violence in an era where xenophobia was rampant and forgiving sins in an era where suggesting that not stoning a prostitute was almost grounds for being stoned yourself.


2. - What Would Johnny Cash Do?

uncompromising, unwavering - legendary - one can never go too far off mark paying attention to Johnny Cash


3. - What would John Cusack do? -

Since he essentially plays himself in all movie roles and never varies, you've got the same guy in Runaway Jury that you do in Better Off Dead and Say Anything - he is the middle - when in doubt - rip off a John Cusack Character.


And that helps me in my decisionmaking process -


Wednesday, November 02, 2005

damnit -

I've had two affilate/promotional comments in the blog in 48 hrs. and an offer to add another site to the sponsor page, but that site is unknown by me, and looks like mass marketing portal shit again - so no go - I will say this - I MAY have a sponsor, but I actually believe in that sponsor and did before they made the offer - so I don't feel like a sellout

the rest of you fuckers can get off my blog and out of my comments - regular comments and links towards your blogs if you're another member of the WPBT are of course perfectly acceptable - I'm just going after blog spammers.

on an unrelated note I have dumped a ton of input here today and in 2+2 - I would say it's fairly safe to say I have a psychological addiction to the internet and to writing - I go 4 days without it and I go overboard when I get home - LOL


Book Review - Breaking Vegas, by Ben Mezrich


From the author of "Bringing down the House - how the MIT blackjack team makes millions, comes the granddaddy of the MIT crew"

I got this book for my flight back to Reno - it's a bio of Semyon Dukach - I've seen him on specials on the MIT blackjack team - he's a Russian who was at the top of the food chain - he was the top of the top of the crew - with 20 id's and he spread so much money around that hosts everywhere called him "The Darling of Las Vegas" for his whalish appearance.

Whereas the card counters acted in suberfuge and anomynity, this team was supposed to be boistrous, loud, out front, and noisy front and center -

But this goes in many ways in a totally different direction - so much I almost feel like it could be fictional. Here's what the book says.

The Card Counting Teams was a diversion - they made things look ok and were reliable, but the best of the best half dozen - the CORE group thing - the core was about 6 people using advanced techniques that didn't even involve Card Counting. These techniques, instead of giving you 2% edge by card counting, can throw hands into the 30-50% advantage range.

That's better then what the Casinos get from you - on anything....

Technique 1: - reading the bottom of the shoe if a dealer gets sloppy covering it up - - you then cut to a precise practiced point in the shoe (usually 52 cards) and then you know exactly what the 52nd card will be most of the time - you use it for A's and then bet big on those spots for Blackjack - it can give you a 51% advantage- by betting small on some spots and big on the ones you think will get the blackjack - you have an overall expectation of 45% if you get that cut right - which I understand after a few hrs is very easy to do - their toughest problem was if the dealer wasn't sloppy - but they rarely weren't and if they were a bit careful a well planned lover's spat at the table could distract them.

Technique 2: finding a dealer with a perfect practiced shuffle and sit at his table and memorize a sequence of cards - for example - you see A A Q Q come out in a row - eventually those 6 cards are usually together in the stack that gets shuffled - a practiced and perfect shuffler will put one card in between them for each shuffle but will leave the order intact.

So after three shuffles and the cut trick from before, you know that after so many cards in you'll see a memorized pattern and be able to anticipate the A, three cards, another A, three cards, a Q, three cards, and another Q and you can use that to hit or fold so you get the ideal card for your biggest bets.

Technique 3: - well - it's like this - remember the first one where you try to steer the A towards your can be a bit imprecise in that cut and still pull it off if you have the whole table covered and a saftey bet to the left and right of where you think it will be.

But the last technique means targeting a dealer with a Ten - that gives every hand a 30% advantage every time a 10 is the 3rd card dropped on a dealer's hand - but it takes EXACT precision to cut at exactly 52 cards or wherever you're cutting - toughest of all.

The rest of the book involves the usual harassment - this seems much more severe then in the first book - probably because the casinos didn't understand how it was happening - some of the techniques required plays that were contrary to any card counting strategy - but it scared the hell out of them cause they couldn't see it -

I won't go into all the drama - but let's just say I'll never gamble in a foreign country ever again - Hold Up's and beatings -and those from the OWNERS -

Even Vegas is tarnished - one guy got roughed up after a winning streak - it must be big - it's a big casino in Vegas but out of fear of lawsuits or reprisals Ben won't say which casino beat up one of the card mechanics -

In the end - we are lead to believe that Semyon agreed to do all this and wrote the ending - in which he believes by sending out all this info, it'll be harder for short term profits but it'll encourage a new generation of game "hackers" to develop new ways to outwit the casinos and get money back from the most evil institutions they have become. Obviously, it's easy for any casino to institute safeguards that render the first three techniques useless, but he's saying it'll be hard to get everyone and impossible to stop players from trying to find new systems - a very hacker ethos in the end, which I expect from an MIT student, the home of hackers -

I highly advise getting this book, as you can tell...If it was fiction, it's damn good fiction, but I've heard of some of this stuff on documentaries on TV too, so I don't think it's fiction - this is heavy stuff. - and I think it's true and it's very entertaining to read as well.

absolutely worth your time to read - even if you've already read bringing down the house - ESPECIALLY if you've read Bringing Down the House -


Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Ok - Carson City report -

Flew in Sat. Morning at around noon in Reno - drove over and found a nice detour for what was a 5 mile parade. - (what, Nevada joined the USA as a state on the day before Halloween?)

My time here was exclusively Fandango which was on the edge of Carson City - a nice place - nice room and the staff are courteous and top notch - players are very loose passive - I should point out that the one game going every time I was there was 3/6 Limit but with 1/2 blinds - this seemed to encourage a LOT of passive limping. I played there for two days and in an 40 player tourney where I took 6th out of 40th (4 pays) when I tried a steal with A4 and got called by 44 - That was painful.

My first two sessions were bad because I think I too was reacting more passively and loosely - realizing I have an advantage makes me think I can play 58 suited and try to outplay everyone so I limp in - no...and you can't outplay tanks charging in the center anyways. You simply will have to have the best hand - so wait for them. The last two were a bit better once I made the adjustment - .

I made my first sports bet - My mother is a diehard 49'ers fan with a signed jersey of Joe Montana's on the wall of the house - and Tampa was playing the 49'ers who had recently lost 54-17 or something like that and were on their 4th string quarterback - and the bet only had to have Tampa score over 11 to score -

and she told me to bet on Tampa beating the spread - and I did and then not only do they not beat by over 11 points, they lose - jeezzz...

I should have gone with my gut instinct - as Amarillo Slim said - when in total and complete doubt as to who is better - go with the underdog cause he'll try harder to win it -

One last thing on the Fandango - Cheri? - cocktail waitress - dressed as hippie chick on the 30th - If you are reading this, I love you - if you ever come to Minneapolis - please drop me an email -

Yesterday was the Atlantis in Reno - on Halloween - cool room - the 1/2NL game had a ton of fish dumping, but I couldn't snare one - I was there for 6 hrs and left down 150 dollars of my 200 buyin - but I was the last of the 4 original players on the board - Interesting enough, the other three who lasted as long as me all had large large stacks, from 400-800 bucks on a 200 buyin - but they got that one or two hands where an idiot pushed on a gutshot draw to the idiot side of a st8 that missed - I never got one of those....

but I lasted longer then most of them and I think my losses were half as much - I think it was just an off night - lost a lot of money on two pots where I kept drawing to a nut flush - just couldn't get it.

Two cute dealers - - well, one that looked cute in pictures but had a wart the size of Lake Calhoun on her nose in her witch costume - the other was a mol (mobster's girlfriend) dressed in a sort of pink "Clockwork Orange" costume -

OH, OH, OH - I almost forgot biker chick dealer who looked really butch and glam and tough in black leather and a couple press-on Harley tattoos but actually THANKED me and really appreciated that I turned my head away from the table when I sneezed - (I was on her immediate right) - she was a real sweetheart -

really good beef stew and a lot of promotional stuff going on - they passed out tickets for a contest running all week on the scores of Monday Night Football and I got one and won a gift from the prize pool, which I chose a clay humidior from. Seemed like they had a LOT of promotions for their players - They also had cocktail waitresses on Monday for Monday Night Football, but they also wheeled a couple kegs of beer in there for players to just walk over and fill up from. Lots of good food and so forth either way and I liked it - felt a bit like a party or a home game with friends, and a lot of them were, and they let me into that group for one night.

so I would recommend both rooms to the casual poker player - I mean, they're not the Wynn or Bellagio, but overall, they're pretty damned loose passive and the locals are mostly friendly. Only a couple of cranky old bastards in the bunch, and I cut one off at the knees on each of my two days.

Lost a lot of money on Roulette and Keno and Video Poker, but some of this was a relaxed release - being with my Mother on vacation in Reno made me take a less casual approach to my gaming and treat it like most Americans do, as an entertaining diversion that we realize costs us money but we believe is worth the entertainment it brings. I'll sit next to her and talk for a couple hrs. while playing a bad version of Cleopatra Keno that has the virtue of 12 free spins when I hit a bonus, all of which roll automatically and saves me from having to press start 12 times. But then we can talk and she can do her thing and I can do mine...

The only time I felt bad about losing money was in the tournament - about $60 - so that makes me think I should really, REALLY focus exclusively on tournaments - it's not a question of making a living - it's simply what I love to do more then anything - a 500 player jousting contest that has a definate beginning and an ending and a monetaru reward that far exceeds any rewards I could make in a 3/6 game with the same investment of cash for the same time frame.

So that will be my resolution - renewed focus on tourney and put Ed's book on the back shelf - but moving on, anyways..

So I went to Reno/Carson City - didn't drive out to get laid legally by prostitutes, didn't get stoned or [censored] up drunk - lost 700 bucks in fruitless and useless gambling that I could have just have thrown on a fire and burned - and I got to spend three days with my Mother who I rarely see and has had a couple melonoma scares recently -

A rousing success? - the seriously educated 2+2'er would say yes

I [censored] it up....It was barely a success - Yes, it was good. But I caught a cold on the 3rd day and that plus all my constant losing made my mom think I had a bad time and I think that made her feel sorry about the vacation cause she apoligized to me twice for it. That plus her usual patient and somewhat lucky winning streak at Keno didn't pan out too well either - we both sorta take it hard when we lose -

I have GOT to send her flowers tomorrow - look up the office address and order on the internet or call - tell her I had a great time and it was the best $700 I ever lost and say thanks for the three days.

Come to think of it - I always sorta felt like I [censored] up Luv2DriveTT's trip to Atlantic City by being such a downer and dropping so much money on the $1/2 NL and 10/20 Limit games there - plus something else that could been misinterpreted if heard from another poker table away - that's probably why I didn't give him flowers when I left but left my copy of the Stu Unger bio to read (I liked it a lot actually, though it may not have been strategy oriented enough for him) - - I should probably do a re-assessment of whether I should be gambling with people I enjoy being around....hmmmm...

(and for what that trip was worth, I've been watching episodes of Sex In The City trying to get a feel for Manhattan and how people live - ever since I went - I have said if I won a couple big tourneys I'd just go and spend 6 months at an apt in NYC - so I'd waste another $1000 going to visit you guys again

Holy mother of god - I think all this weed is dropping some scale and crust off the brain - feeling more poetic again....and severly off topic.

So anyways, with my mom. Nothing too big or anything - you just never know - the older we get - we never know when we may suddenly not get another visit - I drove a couple times for her in Carson City and Reno cause she was nervous - until this trip I never saw her as I would see a Grandmother. - But as it turns out, she is.

Goddamn it - this was a normal and happy go lucky trip report - why the [censored] did I suddently feel the urge to edit it into this sad [censored] downer of an ending...

EDIT again - I know why - cause I was writing on both 2+2 and my blog and I kept wanting to get more and more honest for the blog - I don't even think this sappy sentimental crap flies on 2+2 even outside the OOT forum - hard to believe I don't feel I can be totally honest on there like I can on here - )

FINAL EDIT - I can't be as honest on 2+2 as I am on here - scroll up - see that line about the trip not being a rousing success - I just deleted everything below it after threatening to kick anyone in the nuts who disagrees with me.

ah well - fuck em - who are 2+2'er's anyways. :) They're not my fucking social life that virtually my whole social world revolves now anyways....are they?

actually, that's a damned good question....are they? - I've made special plane trips to see Felicia, NJChick, and TT, but only saw my mom once this year.

Maybe that group is my last group of friends I have left. And blogger world - I've lost most of my musician friends over the years to various forms of ensnarement - so now I depend on online relationships of a sort....

man oh man - heavy crapola...