Wednesday, March 30, 2005

I'm sitting on my balcony (which I acquired in Jan. with the new apt.) playing Razz online over a wireless connection on a rainy evening.

Yah, it's slightly cold (45 degrees, I think) but i'm tough and the laptop is actually pretty warm....LOL -

This is a nice way to spend an evening, to say the least - I was getting a headache from all my crappy chairs inside anyways.

At last Spring is somewhat present - I need it.


played two SNG's last night after a couple rounds at a couple bars - took 2nd in one and 3rd in the other for a nice doubleup of my last 27 bucks on Pokerstars. Gawd, drunk magoo poker is good to me...this is almost as bad as when I learned I could flirt and be more attractive to women with a couple drinks in me - it doesn't discourage the habit...LOL

We are getting mega thunderstorms here - been so long I forgot how they can wake you up. Beats snow though.

I don't work tonight and go in at 11am tomorrow in a 1 time dealie, so I get one more day of peace....time to watch a couple movies and MAYBE the commentary track to Stuey - movies are due back at midnight though.

My friend Marv. played in the Pacific Poker Mil. Dollar tourney - took 913rd out of 1600 when he got all in with AA vs 10/10- you can do the math there - but it's nice to bust out that'll never second guess yourself with AA preflop that you made the right call.

goddamn....I need Kate Rusby again tonight...

it's a trad. tune Kate arranged.....called the Unquiet Grave - slightly adapted for a guy....LOL

this one's for you M. - hope all is peaceful at Lakewood...spring is coming for you.

How pleasant is the wind tonight
I feel some drops of rain
I've never had but one true love,
In greenwood she lies slain.
I'll do so much for my true love,
As any young man may,
I'll sit and mourn all on your grave,
For twelve months and a day

The twelve months and a day being over,
The ghost began to speak,
why sit you here and mourn for me
And you will not let me sleep?
what do you want of me sweetheart?
oh what is it you crave?
just one kiss of your lily white lips
and that is all I crave

Oh don't you see the fire sweetheart
The fire that burns so blue
where my poor soul tormented is
all for the love of you
and if you weren't my own sweetheart
as I know you well to be
I'd rend you up in pieces small
as leaves upon the tree

Mourn not for me my dearest dear
mourn not for me I crave
I must leave you and all the world
and turn into my grave

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

let me preface this by simply saying....[censored] [censored] hell goddamn it all and back again. on to the red meat.

I'm pro-life - I don't believe in Republicans anymore - they're corporate whores and crony politicians, but I am against the death penalty, and I am morally opposed to abortion. (though I think the best way to decrease abortions is to let kids know about safe sex, which the religious right disallows, of course) Francais Schaffer once talked about the slippery slope that euthanasia can become as well. We condemn old people to nursing homes already against their will, and if euthanasia becomes law, the same pressures will be inflicted on the aged to "ease the burden of their family by moving on out of sight and mind"

When the Bushies/Religious Right came out demanding Terri's feeding tube be put back in, I treated it with the healthy dose of bullshit it deserves. Hypocrites. Liars. Bullshitters. - And fortunately, it seems like they overstepped their bounds and it'll backfire on their ass.

But Al Sharpton made a good point arguing with Republicans. How come they want to err on the side of life here, but not in cases like the death penalty? -

This isn't about living wills (if you want one, go for it - she doesn't have one) - It's obvious the husband has moved on at this point - the parents haven't. - Why he didn't just divorce her and let the parents have her is beyond my understanding, but it is irrelevant to this stance.

but something in me is just saying "nope...shouldn't be starving her to death" - and esp. if she could be spoon-fed, which it sounds like is possible. A stance on the sanctity of life should be across the board as much as possible - including in matters of war, death penalty, the unborn, and those too weak to keep living unassisted.

We do not make dependance on others a condition for life. We don't do it with the newly born, who are as helpless as Terri for several months, and we can't morally do it here.

Will she ever rehabilitate? - Nah...probably not. Will my moral stance with the Republicans who use her as a political tool be repaid with a revised look at the death penalty? - Nope.... - Am I scared that if I am in this condition, idiots will consider it their God Given right to keep me stuck on this miserable ball with people like them for 20 more years? - Yah, not happy about that.

Is it what she wants? - I don't know. Like I say, a living will is one thing....hearsay is another.

But I can't take a pro life stance on so many things and not here. We're not talking about assisted breathing, or heart beats - just the strength to put food in her body. Hell, if she's a veggie, it won't matter if she's around for 20 more yrs. anyways... we waste a lot of other stuff on healthcare.

So, it is with great thought that I have to disagree with what's happening in Florida. I can't change it, and only God knows what the outcome will be, but I have to believe in the sanctity of life across the board, and not just when it's politically expedient or when it is a stance a political party agrees with.

Having said that.... [censored] the Republicans to hell for using her as a pawn to get more votes. - assholes.

but I gotta side with life on this one. Took me a few days to come to that conclusion, but that's the way it goes.


Monday, March 28, 2005

ya know...anyone with half a brain knows that whiskeytown is a name for a band that Ryan Adams played in.

and anyone knows he's a hell of a songwriter who's become a bit of a wanker recently.

so I pull up his website, and hear the damnest song that he's written from his new album from May 3rd, apparently...

sounds like a return to Heartbreaker....rock on, breaker...


Sunday, March 27, 2005


placed 12th in the HORSE tourney tonight on FTP - got 3 bucks profit for my trouble.

but since that's my first HORSE tourney placement, I say bravo, even though I hate ante games short stacked and have no concept of what a good all-in Razz/Stud hand is.


Happy Easter.

I was a biblical studies minor in College – memorized the Lutheran catechism, did all the good stuff the good church boys do. I am comfortable with calling myself a Christian, (thought not a member of the Religious Right) – although the name now is so diluted and convoluted I’d rather just say I believe in Jesus and what he stood for and what he did and avoid the label altogether.

And after much study, I am happy with it’s core tradition – that God came down to Earth to cover the sorry debt humanity had racked up. All you have to do is believe it- no salvation by works, or remembering who Allah’s prophet is, or worrying if your good outweighs your bad…simply accept the gift and order a double for yourself and the Holy Spirit.

Today is Easter. This day and Christmas are supposed to be “must do’s” for me. Yet I will not set foot in a church this day. I will light no candles, and share no celebration with my church family.

For years there has been a curtain between them and myself – I could say it’s understanding or kindness, but many of them have little of either and I no longer have any patience..

There is a language in what I will define hereafter as “Churchyanity” that is very similar to an insane asylum…to become free, you must become a slave, to love, you must admit you can’t love at all – George Orwell called it doublespeak in “1984” – the solid belief in two fundamentally opposite beliefs without letting their opposition shake your belief in either one.

It allows George W. Bush, called by many a born-again Christian, to preach the love of Easter Sunday while his actions cost the lives of hundreds of US troops and thousands of Iraqi’s. It allows the churchgoer on Sunday to preach love and compassion to the poor while segregating itself in nice buildings, far from the Indian reservations and inner cities where that love would be needed so much more.

And worse yet, there is a mindset – a baby talk of spirituality. It makes me want to vomit. I remember them – I read their crap and learned how to speak the language of Churchyanity at College –

“Fulfill me, lord…show me your will…break me, but don’t break me…– guide the walk…be glorified…speak to me – renew me…transform me, blah blah blah” How about - make me baby mush to be gobbled up and chew up and crapped out according to thy image.

Nothing in that paragraph makes any sense to me…(ok…I’ve overdone it a bit, but I GUARANTEE you there’s stuff like this all over bible campuses and online blogs all over the world) – But the worst part is that if you have issues/problems, or whatever, this is the answer for YOU.

“you’re not trusting in God enough….you need to examine your life for sin to see why trouble has befallen you – God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life – if there’s distance between you and God, it’s not him that moved….”

Brrr…just writing that makes me want to go to the Uptown Bar when it opens for business at 9:30AM –

My dad is currently reading “The Purpose-Driven Life” - it was loaned to him by a friend after some problems he’s been having. My ex-girlfriend recommended it to me once and for that reason alone, I’ll probably never touch the son of a bitch as long as I live. But last week, my dad called asking “well, this clown talks about turning it all over to God….well, HOW do you do that?” – How do I try to comfort someone when the blind mantras of Churchyanity have left them down?

I had no clue what to tell him. If God wants to drive, he can have my car keys, but he seems to be insistent that if he wants me in Chicago that I get off my sorry ass, put the keys in the ignition, and hold the gas down for 7 hrs. Am I breaking God’s will if I can do it in 5? – (BTW, for the same reason, I could never join a 12 step program for anything – it requires blind obedience to principles I could never simply relinquish without ceasing to be)

Maybe I’m just bitter – After my major bout with depression, I spent months reciting the slogans – trying to give up/give control, or whatever. I would have tried anything to make that go away, but in the end it all turned into fervent prayers for my heart to stop beating and several indirect attempts at trying it for myself. I came out of it with a profound disrespect for brainwashing slogans of the church and ignorant doublespeak that have no basis in fact or scripture.

Man, I’m all over the roadmap today…. where am I going? – I wonder what God wants. I wonder if I’m doing the right thing. I’m like Habakkuk or John the Baptist – I’m willing to embrace God’s love, but there’s a lot of crap going on I don’t understand, and if he is the almighty creator, I’d really like to know just some of what he’s got going on. I know, I don’t deserve one, right? – But does that make it wrong to ask? Could it actually be the sin that everyone wants me to believe it i?

And what if I want a different relationship with God? – What if I want one like Christ had with his disciples, and not the “speak in vague doublespeak to please God” language – (Even Jesus railed on people about this…. thinking God was gonna hear them cause of their long winded speeches) – What if I want him to be an actual person I communicate with, as opposed to leaving messages on his voicemail and listening for the “spirit” to answer me.

And what if I don’t wish to enter the contract with Churchyanity? – It’s an unspoken contract. It states I will come to a church and be here and present, etc. And in return it allows any church brother to have an opinion that I HAVE to listen to because it’s COMING from GOD. I will always be bossed around, lorded over by someone, but what if I want it to be in the form of greed and tyranny for tyranny’s sake then in the name of God, but still using the same tools?

One thing I’ve loved about poker. You sit down at the table, you know they’re there to try and screw you and take your money. There is an incredible refreshing honesty to it that you don’t get when the man on TV asks you to give to his ministry, which apparently involves building million dollar homes in 3 states.

What if the road paved with good intentions (which isn’t the road to hell, BTW – not according to the Bible) looks better then the road more often traveled. Perhaps I don’t wish to travel a road out of blind ignorance or refusal to ask, “hey, why the hell are we using this road and not that one anyways?”

Maybe the nothing act of not being vocally supportive of a war in which children die for our way of life is better then doing the “godly thing” and supporting the troops. I don’t know. I keep kicking it around in my head – I, like everyone else, am a unique individual – (love that line) – and every relationship I have with anyone, personal, romantic, or spiritual is different from everyone else’s – even with the same people in common. How can I listen to a cookie cutter faith on Sunday and try to make my relationships fit that mold when what I want desperately is to understand God in my world now. Not the pie in the sky crap….not the “treasures in heaven” crap.

I want to understand how I can find something to treasure in the face of overwhelming depression. I want to see these pictures of starving families (many of them not of the Christian faith), wounded/maimed civilians, and greedy rich white guys and I want God to be as angry about it as I am. And I want to shout at him and ask him how he can allow it, and maybe he’d ask me and everyone else the same question. After all, I’m supposed to be his representative on earth, right?

I read a great article this week in MSNBC – it said for Easter, don’t take the family to go see “The Passion of the Christ” – For a good Easter story, go take them to see “Hotel Rwanda” instead. It’s a better and more real analogy of Christ and Christ like behavior. It’s also a good example of the worst parts of Churchyanity though as well. Many Christian Hutus participated in the genocide there. And many more outside the borders sat in their churches in Minneapolis, looked to the ceiling with arms raised singing “In my life Lord, Be glorified” and would have given anything in the world to know that they had fulfilled their spiritual obligation and weren’t required/asked to know such atrocities were going on

They say the church is many parts of a whole body…and the body needs all it’s parts – the arm can’t tell the brain or the leg “I don’t need you” – I think guys like me are the assholes of the church body (literally as well as figuratively…. LOL) – we’re absolutely necessary, but no one likes to admit we exist and we are kept stashed out of site and everyone just wishes we’d clean our act up. Hell, I don’t know…. maybe I’m cancer – I could be wrong about all of this. God may want blind obedience and he may want to hear that same stupid simple song over and over again till the end of eternity. But when I read the bible, it doesn’t sound like that…it sounds like a person who has lost their true love and would do anything to get them back, including threatening to divorce them, throw them out on their street and kill their kids. It is a jealous love, almost an irrational one, but one that 99 percent of humanity can easily understand.

In any case, they don’t want me around messing with their cookie cutter world and I don’t want them around forcing their ridiculous view of faith on me. Everyone is happy today, at least in the suburbs surrounding me.

So I’m going to say happy Easter to who I think today is the only person that matters…happy Easter, Jesus. I’m glad that death/dying/flogging thing was only temporary.

And If God is still capable of walking on earth and doing stuff (I think he doesn’t like to do that…messes with the free will thing he likes) – But if he’s capable of coming down and walking around – I might be at one of the two regular bars I frequent later tonight. I’ll drink whiskey, and you can drink wine or grape juice if those denominations who say that all alcohol is evil are right, and you can explain it to me. You can explain to me how that idiot that shot 4 people and was “delivered” into the hands of the authorities by “A Purpose Driven Life” – you can explain if that was your plan or just stupid stuff. You can talk to my Dad via cell phone and let him know that although the woman is gone, a short time will pass and we’ll think of her no more.

And I’ll thank you for putting the steps in motion 2000 years ago that ensure that no matter how screwed up or messed up I get, as long as I’m trusting in you somehow/someway, that there will be room for me in those mansions in heaven a couple hundred years from now. (he’s going to let me live that long just to piss me off) – and he’s going to stick me in the attic or in the room farthest from the TV just to get a laugh out of me, I know it…..cause I’m probably the only one who would appreciate the joke – HA.

And to everyone else….don’t end up like me – it’s no fun….kill those brain cells and drink the happy juice – I wish I could stomach it, but it makes me ill.


Saturday, March 26, 2005

one last slightly related poker post (hey, I got two weeks to catch up on) -

saw Stuey this morning....not a bad movie - pretty cool overall - unusual to see a poker player in his natural habit (doing shit to excess, ruining his family and life - no rosy happy ending where the bad guy goes down)- I plan on watching it with the director's commentary after work tomorrow (I gotta go in tonight - they need the people - so that is gonna hurt like hell come 7am.)

For some reason, this song reminds me of Stu Unger


Loose String, by Jay Farrar

one way streets and square one
answers don't come from any one direction
not a care in the world no better way to go
it's fine here watching it go down

half the trouble is in the asking
and I know you're not the kind to wait around
taking chances with no intent to make a killing
too much living is no way to die

loose string
find the pieces don't fit in
loose string
coming up for air again and again
loose string
too much living is no way to die

see the ground sinking around
tomorrow is the card to play
same old words heard in storms of repeated doom
too many rules they will bleed you dry

half the trouble is in the asking
I know you're not the kind to wait around
taking chances with no intent to make a killing
too much living is no way to die

loose string find the pieces don't fit in
loose string coming up for air again and again
loose string too much living is no way to die

said you haven't seen it all
you'll just keep on searching for just one single reason

half the trouble is in the asking
I know you're not the kind to wait around
taking chances with no intent to make a killing
too much living is no way to die

loose string
find the pieces don't fit in
loose string
coming up for air again and again
loose string
loose string

I've been out of the loop for so damn long getting this certification I didn't realize Jennifer Harman made it to the final table on the WSOP circuit and nearly won it.

damn....cute as a button and a good poker player too - I gotta start getting out of the apt. again.


what the hell is going on around here? - I've been busy.

Got time for a couple quick tourneys today. Got my fastest bustout ever (and my first "first one out of the tourney" awards when I had AJ clubs on a Jd 8c 4c board and couldn't beat a guy's QQ, but I was a 51 percent fav. to pull ahead and win the hand at least I made the right call mathmatically.

things will calm down for a bit before my next trip to Montana (which should be in mid April) - but the NYC trip is still pending - gotta see how much time off I want to give up ;)


Sunday, March 20, 2005

I need a song by Kate Rusby today - I need it so badly...

Oh dear me what do mine eyes see
James Renald and my love sat under yon tree
my heart it bleeds
for she loves him indeed
sing hi lo lay at the end of the day
sing hi lo lay at the end of the day

Here I stand empty heart, empty hand
While he has my true love and he has the land
Oh my heart is sore
For she loves me no more
sing hi lo lay at the end of the day
sing hi lo lay at the end of the day

No more she'll fly, no more she'll cry
All over the cold earth beneath which I lie
Oh my heart it grieves
for my side she now leaves
sing hi lo lay at the end of the day
sing hi lo lay at the end of the day

Let the cold wind blow, let the years come and go
I'll wait for my true love, though she'll never know
I wish them no rest
Like the heart in my breast
sing hi lo lay at the end of the day
sing hi lo lay at the end of the day

I wish them no rest
Like the heart in my breast
sing hi lo lay at the end of the day
sing hi lo lay at the end of the day

Saturday, March 19, 2005

been a crazy week, getting certified and all - going to sleep at 8pm and waking up at 4am for the next part of the job -

I'll get some cards in today (including a home game tonight) but for the most part, don't expect anything here this week -

send some good vibes Felicia's way this week if you think of it - talk about a bad beat.... we're praying for ya, Felicia -


Friday, March 18, 2005

two tests down, two to go -

dropped $60 in tourneys and sng's, so I'm gonna sit it out for awhile - go down to the Applebee's, have a few drinks, and just generally say to hell with it - sick of winter and winter weather.

we're getting creamed again storm wise - ah well -



Wednesday, March 16, 2005

heh...Celebrity Pool on Bravo - inneresting - when Celebrity Poker is full -

passed one of my four exams over the next 2 weeks - 1 down, 3 to go - I'm gonna slip in a $20 dollar hold-em tourney on Pokerstars - breathe for a couple hrs and then start work on the good ol'exam 2 -


Monday, March 14, 2005

It's 4am and I'm typing on my couch in the bedroom....LOL

for some time I have had a small laptop which has been pimped and whored for various things, including website design and Quickbooks - now it's my portable poker machine, and this morning it will be my laptop for training to store questions on for home.

it has problems of course....lots of bios/firmware upgrades needed - maybe after this I'll do it - but that stuff is scary. Got Firefox now too - that rocks -

Well, the HORSE tourney dropped me in 31st place - actually did great till Limit Holdem round 3 - I get 77 and flop comes AK6 - BB bets and I don't put him on A or K cause he'll raise - so I call turn 3 and river 3 - he has Q3 (was on a spade draw - 4 to the flop actually) - so I made the perfect call for a medicore player but couldn't beat the runner runner 3's

With all due respect to my fellow bloggers - I was a bit surprised - The standard action in a game you don't know is to check post flop if you're unsure - I made a lot more bluffs without being totally aware of the strength of my hand just on the fact so many of them would be more cautious - lots of fun - and a great refresher brainwise to be changing games/starting standards every 10 min. I hope Full Tilt implements more of them -

well shit....4 hrs till class - 2.5 till I shower and get in the car (I'd rather get there early and not fight parking/rush hour, to be honest) - I slept from 11pm to 2am - I had drunk dreams - where you dream you're drinking, and I tried to slip one in for last call and when I awoke, blam - 2am - funny timing - with a bit of Red Bull and some excuse making I should be good for a few hrs - or maybe not...who knows -

placed 2nd in a 2+2 tourney today - missed a couple Pokerstars ones, and put $100 down on the Full Tilt 50K guarantee that just sorta slowed down a lot near the end - 20 percent again ;) - but that's ok - I know what I did right - just couldn't beat bad cards.

I made a great read earlier - called with QQ on an A high board - took me forever, but being as how I showed aggression, I didn't think he'd overplay an A the way it appeared he did - (he had 10/J for no pair) - I love it when I can see the cards - that's half the skill to being a champion -

the other half being dodging bullets on flop/turn/river - but alas - can't win em all ;)

hell...maybe I'll try to snooze again...but if not, see ya in a few. minutes/hrs/days/weeks - whatever.


Sunday, March 13, 2005

I just gotta post these song lyrics - so appropriate lately -

Heathens by Patterson Hood (of the Drive By Trucker's Album - Decoration Day)

Something about the wrinkle in your forehead
tells me there’s a fit about to get thrown
If we get the van out of the ditch before morning
ain’t nobody got to know what I done
And I never hear a single word you say
when you tell me not to have my fun
It’s the same old shit that I ain’t gonna take off anyone.

And I don’t need to be forgiven
by them people in the neighborhood
When we first hooked up, you looked me in the eye
and said “Paw, we just ain’t no good”.

We were Heathens in their eyes at the time
I guess I am just a Heathen still
and I never have repented from the wrongs that they say I have done
I done what I feel.

It was a difficult delivery
now it’s growing up mean and strong
When you tell me that it’s getting a little bit tight
ain’t the first time I been outgrown
And I’m gonna push a little harder
She ain’t revved till the rods are thrown
I ‘ll walk away

And I don’t need to be forsaken
by you or anybody else
and I never had a shortage of people tryin’ to warn me
about the dangers I pose to myself.

We were Heathens in their eyes at the time
I guess I am just a Heathen still
and I never have repented from the wrongs that they say I have done
I done what I feel.

These times can take their toll sometimes
and I know you feel the same way too
It gets so hard to keep between the ditches
when the roads wind the way they do.

the satellite craze has started - Pokerstars has WSOP and WPT satellites running - the double shootouts are extememly popular (and how Fossilman got his seat last year) - and satellites to satellites and so forth - Full Tilt has the WPT ones to the final at the Bellagio as well.

My position on these is mixed - when I played in one serious one last year, I got to 15th place - and 4 got seats - that's really goddamn close - and I got snapped by a guy who reraised with A/rag to my QQ and hit an A - that sorta thing makes you wonder how many times it'll happen in the course of a tourney....and I just don't feel lucky enough - I need to reread Harrington on Holdem (ah fuck...who am I kidding - I never finished it - it got lost in short attn. span theater)

but if I can build the BR up enough, it might be worth the effort - sorta a wait and see, I guess. the BR is in great shape for the live cash games - (attention theives, no hundred dollar bills in my apt!) - but the online ones I've sorta gotta slum for awhile in the LL tourneys again
gotta get a lot of poker playing in today - my last free day for two weeks - for two weeks, it'll now be up at 6am, in by 7 and class by 8 - unless I'm playing a free rock and roll show at the Uptown Bar on Tuesday - I will get a live game in on Sat. and maybe today though - we'll see -

gotta make it back in time for the HORSE tourney tonight though...(fuck almighty, I have to read up on how to play Stud H/L - who plays that game anymore? - Full Tilt can't even fill a table up on it - LOL)
Still thinking about other vacations I could take - Luv2DriveTT (a cool guy I met in Vegas and organized the 2+2 get-together there) suggested the private NYC clubs or Atlantic City - I gotta admit, I'd love to check out NYC - wonder if the observation deck at the Empire State Building is open again - and then at least I'd know a couple folks...LOL -

or even last minute fares to stupid places like Memphis/Tunica - guess Travelocity is great for that - - ain't done Priceline in a while either though.

something to think about -


Saturday, March 12, 2005

I have emailed expressing a strong desire to play in the WPBT tourney in Vegas on June 1st...if I get a confirmation of seating, I'm going back in early June - -

There's also a $500 tourney at the Imperial Palace - two days - guaranteed prize pool - that's near the end of May - so I'd hit them both like an abused dog - but I'm not making the trip for one -

lodging is a bitch - WSOP starting shortly afterwards- I may actually rent a car, spend 4 days in Vegas, and crash further off the strip on the off nights - check out Laughlin - not sure..


Friday, March 11, 2005

4am rant.... (wait for it...)


used to have a friend who every time he saw me in a tourney, sang along to funkytown but put my name in there....when I'm a real moron I even sing it....LOL wonder where KrazyKanuck is at these days, anyways....bastard - -

actually, is it 4am? - I dunno? - how the days/hrs. blur after sleeping the 3 hr nap every 15 hrs. for 4 days, except for today when I slept the sleep of the dead. I always do that after a tough night at work, of course.

How about some quick snippets poker and otherwise -

Man, surprised at how many people in the 2+2 world were upset at my not taking the trashed girl home....(oh, btw, my bed is terrible, it's a futon and it's lumpy) - speaking from past experiences, it is NO FUN cleaning up vomit, but even worse, I suspect, would be kissing the source of said vomit - LOL - ay carumba... I did have a couple people come to my defense though.
I guess I'm happy and is almost here, and it will dissolve 11 days of my next 14 days and poker playing. I am so gonna miss having 4 whole days off a week though - I may have to give away drink tickets at the gigs cause I'll have to behave those next 11 days - no hangovers allowed -

(though lately, closest I've come to a hangover is needing a sip of water in the morning - my booze consumption has gone way down and conversely, so has my tourney play -LOL - ...I'm so disappointed in myself - such a terrible alkie - how will I ever offend the overtly religious and easily offendable now?)

and I dispise being part of the normal crowd though - the 9-5'ers - In the old days, with long hair and the army jacket, working downtown was an uncomfortable experience - like being broke in the checkout line and having to not buy certain groceries - Well, money is no longer an issue (have I said woohoo? - let me just say woohoo for upper middle class wages again) - but I still don't like these losers in suburbia with the house, kids and dog trying to keep up with the joneses. Thank God I have rock and roll to save me. And a bad beard....a bad beard sets U apart.
a blogger HORSE tourney on Sunday on Full Tilt Poker - I'll be there - I look forward to it - there are actually two big tourneys in Vegas I'd like to partake in - one on May 30th (Imperial Palace Anniversary) and one on the 1st of June (World Poker Blogger Tour - though that may be sold out by now) - but I'm not sure if I'm gonna go - something about Vegas in June - it's so nice here by then that I don't need to go to Vegas - now....should I raise with K high in Razz or Stud 8 H/L - I forget.... - LOL
I'm still thinking about Tues. night - I was ON, BOY - I OWNED it - I OWN YOU....BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH>>>.cough, cough, ha. -

8BB/hr for 5 hrs. ok, not THAT on... but some things come to mind.

1. - Winning a hand where the board flopped 779 - a player bets and I have A/10 and see one more card (think I had the odds and I didn't put him on a 7) - turn is a 10. He bets, I call - river blank, he bets I call - he's surprised I called him down when he turns over J/10, but of course, I really don't think a kid who's made a hand is gonna bet that flop - your first instinct flopping trips is to slowplay, and he didn't.

2. - with that in mind, I flop trip 10's with an A/10 hand and proceed to bet UTG - I get to the river when you guessed it - 4th 10 hits - and the kid BETS into me, I raise, and get a call - sometimes you gotta change it up. Just one night, if the calling stations are good, bet all your sets and trips on the flop....what the heck...then bet your AK's later on when you miss the flop - it works great for getting rid of small pairs.

3. - playing the 77 pocket bonus hand - I flop trip 7's - one more gives me quads and $7777 - turn is a blank - if I check, I get a free river. If I bet, and he folds, I don't get the 4th 7. But I see him getting ready to call a bet as I fumble and think about it, so I bet and get an extra BB out of him. he calls me dumb, but if I know he's gonna call and not fold, might as well bet. (obviously, I only got trips)

seemed to see a lot of tells - not the dumb hard to read kind, just the easy ones like removing a chip from your cards before it's their turn to act - I went out there wanting to play 6/12 but decided to go to 4/8 cause I'd have been short stacked (ATM card only lets me take out $300 at a time....not enough for 6/12 without a couple wins or a day to plan) - so 4/8 was the game of choice - I went in expecting to focus and be aggressive with the best hands - and it worked with one exception where financially I was severely boned with dogshit, but hey....anyone wants to call two bets cold with 9/6 offsuit into my KK is welcome anytime.

Homegame next Sat. at Drew's - I love those nexgen chips for the most part except for a visible seam along the corner. I took that game for $86 in the 3/6 category after coming back from Vegas, so if I focus, I may get another profitable night - lot easier with no rake - just talking about it makes me want to play - wonder what their fri. morning crowd is like - with the gig in store, I have no work to prepare for tomorrow.
saw a bootleg for Star Wars, Ep3 trailer - looks interesting - actually, I'm more excited for Batman Begins, though - looks like they're gonna take the franchise in a Frank Miller Direction, which is much needed.
gawd...what else - I don't feel like I'm going to have a ton of time to kill once things start, so I want to do an Iggy inspired Uber-post - but not enough poker content - maybe when I head for home in a couple hrs I'll get some in - I postponed my CCNA on the grounds that it might be renewed with one CCNP exam, so we'll go from there. - otherwise I'd have had that whore on my hands at 2:15pm this afternoon.

Oh, and I have to do my taxes on Sat. with my accountant - if I've made enough money, I'm wiping out that credit card debt in one blow - then it's hello big ass HDTV - some recommendations of the Mitshibushi 61 inch DLP rear projection with warranty for $4000 look sweet, but I'm worried about having to move it when it becomes house buying time - guess we'll wait and see.

ok, I'm rambling - time to call it a night -


Wednesday, March 09, 2005

responses on the previous post on 2+2 other topics have ranged from "friggen idiot" to "great job" - ah well - anyone who wants to call me an idiot can go catch the clap or knock a girl up or clean her vomit from your bed...not my thing.

just came back from Canterbury and a great session winning $325 at 4/8 over 5 hrs. - on my way back listening to the radio station and heard a new band called Sun Kil Moon - (thought it was Damien Jurado at first but I guess it's a former frontman from Red House Painters, I think) - they're next on the purchase list -

which brings me to my next point....great new public radio station in Minneapolis. - 89.3, the Current - Not that wussie Adult Contemporary Lite stuff that Public Radio is known for...- Major Eclectic stuff - Uncle Tupelo, Hayden, old Loretta Lynn - great stuff...morning show is a bit blah but everyone I know is listening to it and they brought in 2 mil. in listener donations after being on the air only 5 weeks...

We had a station like this before - it was bought and converted to Heavy Metal to preempt Howard Stern's we get the revolution back....

here's the stream should you be interested - incredible choices and variety in alternative music - and it's not nearly as sucky as College Radio DJ's either...LOL -
Here ya go

was reading articles about it this week in the alternative weekly - it's incredible how many people in this town (and probably this country) gave up on anything good coming back into media - but I think we got really goddamn lucky this time...enough smart people in the right places got this going under Minnesota Public Radio, and it should be incredible -


Tuesday, March 08, 2005

funny off topic story....

As is well known, Whiskeytown needs to get laid - in fact, I think I need a book to remember how tab A fits into slot B and so's not like riding a bike - you forget stuff.

Anyways, I'm at the Uptown bar in Mpls. on Sun. night and it's an unusually young and hip crowd - not just gutter punks and bums (that's typical) but a Melrose Place sort of crowd - two different groups filling a couple booths - like the classy bar across the street was closed or something.

Two girls are there with two guys....both kinda cute - one has a real nice ass, as I heard her exclaim from two booths away - but it's hard to tell what's up - sometimes they're together with the guys, sometimes they're not - and at one point, the blonde and this guy just start going at it right at the bar...sloppy kissing, and his hand is so far down the back of her pants if there was a dime in the bottom corner of her pocket he'd be able to tell you if it was heads or tails facing him.

at one point the girls go to the bar again, and the guys collapse in a booth - (at which point I offered to buy them a drink just to be the devil himself) - I go back to reading and suddenly they're gone and the girls are alone and said blonde sorta stumbles to the booth a minute later to get her jacket and stumbles to the bar.

Naturally I'm concerned so I voice as she's nearby that I hope she's not driving home, (we'd been making eye contact all night, which I also thought was strange) - and she comes over and starts chatting away where I find out the following things.

1. She thinks she's seen me before somewhere.
2. The guys they're with - including the one she was just dry humping at the bar - they just met that night
3. Said guy is 86'd from the classy bar across the street as she found out when he tried to take her there...(way to impress a girl, dude) - bartender told her essentially, we're not serving the guy you're with...
4. She may be driving home, and as I again voiced my concern, she asked "Well, where do you live?"

now...the smart thing to do is say "not far" - drive her there myself and party hardy....Any girl that will go at it in a bar with a guy she just met that night who was 86's from a previous place and forgot will go at it with me.

it's just this nagging ethical [censored] thing I have going on ......for one, I'm a die-hard romantic who believes in that nasty strain of ethical Christianity -

and I just have this new rule that once some guy's hand has gone all the way down your pants during the course of the night, that I'm not gonna clean up the sloppy seconds...LOL

and I suck at one night stands....never had one, and really, don't want one - I'm a sap, I admit it.

So I told her I lived too far away and too far to drive...
besides, I'd probably just have a vomiting and wasted slut on my bed anyways...

p.s. - I liked the brunette better anyways....LOL - once I got a chance to check, she did have a nice ass.


Monday, March 07, 2005

let me give you an interesting piece of math.

Let's say you're playing a Pokerstars tourney - start with 1500 in chips -

now lets say you get 18 hands in approx. a level - rough estimate, and it may not always be an even 18, but let's say you do.

Let's say you steal or try to buy the blinds preflop 3 times for every two times you're the big blind. (i.e., raise and everyone folds) - this is assuming you don't get called when you have a monster and get paid off. - If you do it twice every 18 hands, you'll essentially stay even. If you try it three times, it seems insignificant.

But here's what you're gonna look like after 12 rounds or 3 hrs.

round is on the left, chip stack is on the right...I approximated for blind sizes and made them 8 handed antes in later rounds cause occasionally, you're 8 handed.

1 - 1530
2 - 1575
3 - 1650
4 - 1800
5 - 2025
6 - 2325
7 - 2850
8 - 3675
9 - 4975
10- 6575
11- 8975
12- 12775


now, as you can see, the first hr or first 4 rounds, not too hot - avg. will be 3000, and you're not even close.

As you get to the 2nd and 3rd hrs, however, and as those blind steals represent a diminishing supply of chips in relation to the blinds and players, they mean a lot.

Average stack is about 15000 when you get to the money, and you're real close to that at the third hr. And remember, this is essentially ONE blind steal for profit and one for every time you're the BB - heck, sometimes I get those for free anyways. -

this doesn't account for every time you raise with AA and get repopped by JJ, but it also doesn't account for when you raise with A3 suited and get repopped either - hopefully they'll balance out.


This is one of those sleepy realizations you get after 23 hrs and you just finished 5th in a satellite out of 300 -

The simple fact of the matter is that this year, for me to have good tourney results, I've needed to be inebriated a bit - I haven't made the money in a tourney since the Imperial Palace on Valentine's day, and part of that? - soberity....

but let's face facts. I'm not smarter when drinking, I'm braver - I'm not scared money (just like I'm not scared boy around women when drinking but I digress - it's liquid courage in more ways then one) -

and I've had it with finishes in the top 20% - I guess I felt that waiting for luck and getting to the top 20% somehow validated my strategy, but it really doesn't - quite frankly, I"m feeling more and more like I'd rather bust in 1 hr then in 3, and I'd rather my double ups carry me for 30 min. or two levels then having to win one every level -

so I think I'm reaching a point in my play where a light has gone on a bit - might have made the money last night in a 10 bucker, but I got it all in with 77 on a 568 board where one opponenet had 55 and the other 99 - whoops - LOL

but of course, I was slightly buzzed then too -


Sunday, March 06, 2005

I finally did ok...3rd in a SNG (I know, 7 bucks, but it's not a loss) and a $215 satellite on Pokerstars (which I promptly cashed out) -

I'm not good for much but getting in the top 16 percent, so a satellite works for me more then not for some quick ka-ching...

I had some interesting hands in the satellite, as well as interesting results and different play - I shall have more to expouse upon later....but I've been up for 20 hrs. including 12 hrs. of work and two hrs. of laundry....time to tell the world to kiss off.

I don't really want to, it's a beautiful 40 degrees outside....but I fear I body wants to collapse upon itself like a broken house....


Saturday, March 05, 2005

who's punk ass do I kill to win at poker around here?

read Dynasty's "Three Years in Las Vegas" report again tonight - you can read it HERE -

And I know I'm not the smartest guy in the world, but I'm smart enough to be a winning poker player -

My problem is, in part, a lack of focus....I can't focus worth a flying fuck most of the time - and I tend to be scared money - not good -

so I need to focus...I need to read, I need to study.

I am pretty much going to lose this month to good ol' classroom study of another topic (Cisco Networking) but I will be coming back with vengance - I wanna move to Las Vegas too....

ok, not really, but after 4 yrs, there's no reason poker shouldn't be supplementing my income, not draining it...


uh oh...

I can feel it building, like a cramp in the leg that starts off and then bang......

a big ass ball of depression rolling like a thunderstorm....

for three years now they're as regular as the sun setting - they backed off a bit but all it takes is a familiar face or an unfamiliar one and they're right back in....


I have some time to kill - it's quiet tonight -

I have certain themes running thru my head - Like everything I want from women to alcohol, I tend to be obsessive in my wanting them, like 65 inch TV's, a soft comfy chair to get plastered in, etc...


I'm thinking a lot tonight about getting the hell out of here again - Vegas whetted my appetite for travel - maybe going back and skipping the hotel and renting a car instead - let's see the world a bit before coming back to Tundra...

or what about somewhere else....what about Duluth....sitting on the Mississippi or just taking a tour of the great lakes - I just want to be somewhere else, even blowing $500 in a poker room, then being at my apt. right now.


I'm thinking I wanna drop 20 pounds...try to be good looking again for women,'s just a slight gut, but I bought a 12 pack of Tab and ate Subway for dinner tonight - and I'm holding out and not going for the candybar....LOL -


I'm thinking about music - how I wish I could write better songs, and how certain albums tickle parts of my memory I forget about a lot -

Billy Bragg and wilco reminds me of a piece of shit 76 Toyota with a gas leak - I'd be eating lots of candy, and working at a company called Metris - all the Union songs and songs vs. injustice probably kicked my ass a bit getting out of there.

Verbena's Into the Pink reminds me of another company - Everclear's Sparkle and Fade reminds me of an Apt. in New Brighton -

Kate Rusby's "10" reminds me of Tara, and Patty Griffin's "1000 Kisses" reminds me of Krista and driving back from North Dakota for our first "break"

A couple trad. Irish tunes off a trad. album from National Geographic reminds me of being miserable and depressed at my friend Dave's house. - Room Temperature Rumplemintz and Kurosawa Samurai films remind me of getting drunk in my band's practice space as an attempt to get out of that situation. I bought a TV that played DVD's, set it up, played on my laptop, and spent hours in that place trying as hard as possible to not be around those people anymore or in their house - Grateful doesn't begin to describe the feeling I had after that....Jesus....

I'd sit in there and put Louis Killen alubms (like the Rose in June) on, get plowed, play video games, improve my video Pinball and Freecell, and just generally be a hell of a lot happier. - Like a kid escaping an abusive stepfather by building a fort and never coming home except to eat and sleep - that's sorta what I was.

(word to the wise, if you ever find yourself hospitalized for suicidal tendancies, do NOT then move into the home of a friend who's sole purpose in life is to make you feel your problems are all caused by a lack of faith in God - esp. if his wife is a psycho who drives you nuts...esp. if he likes to talk to your other friends behind your back and use them to manipulate you ) -

and Neil Young's "Harvest Moon" reminds me of Peanut Butter M&M's - Mary Chapin Carpenter's "stones in the road" reminds me of sitting in my friend Erik's dorm room in College, borrowing his 286 and playing lemmings, links, and Red storm that worked on a floppy disk - LOL - Paul Simon's Graceland reminds of Minnesota in 1990, in a dorm room where Secular music was forbidden....THPPPPPBT

Counting Crows "August and Everything After" seems to be esp. logged into my brain in Chicago - we were playing a gig, and I was unhappy, went out to my car and sat in the parking lot and listened to it and lamented that our stuff was nowhere as good as that album (and neither has been the stuff they've done since, alas) -

but one of my fav's is Bruce Springsteen's "Ghost of Tom Joad" - It was 1996 - and I picked up the album and it reminded me of coffeeshops where I'd play open stages covering tunes on it. I had graduated from college, did radio, and left radio and gone into tech work - I was doing the lovely 8 bucks an hr job for a yr, went up to 12, and had recently made a move that would move me from $25000 to $40000 - I'd walk a two mile stretch of road between my apt. and 694 (Rice St. in St Paul for those who want to know) - and I'd listen to the stories, mostly true, and I slowly sorta revamped my politics in small bites - and I'd wonder what I had done to become so privileged and they hadn't. Little did I know $40000 don't exactly qualify as privileged really....LOL -

and I only have one memory of Michael Jackson's Thriller - my friend Steve won it at an 80's party - the same night I met one of the first girls who ever had anything resembling a crush on me....ah well - what did I know....she was cute though....but I wouldn't have been able to support her for yrs had we hooked up...LOL - He (my friend Steve) is also intertwined in early recordings of my first band called "After the Dawn" and is also the man who taught me how to play "Every Rose has it's Thorn"

I was about out of Radio when I heard Wilco's "Being There" and bought that album and was incredibly impressed with it, thus starting me on the path of a band that would become one of america's most vibrant and prolific acts, yrs. before they became world famous, so to speak.

I had found the Police in 1994, and was listening to them almost exclusively via cassette tape in San Diego when I went down for a mission's trip...they comforted me when I got chewed out for buying a switchblade in Tijuana. - and I tried to play guitar like Andy Summers meets Vincent Nguini - the guitarist all over Paul Simon's Graceland -

I'm not making many memories lately....not happy about that....


Friday, March 04, 2005

some of my old coworkers are having drinks at the Pub across the st. - If I was still in their good graces and not working, I'd have liked to go over and at least hanged out for a bit during a lunch break, but I guess not.

I'm supposed to be immune to that shit...and I was for a time. But that's cause I thought one of them in particular would have gotten over it by now that I'm working in a job she wanted. - 6 mos. later, no fucking luck. -

strange - I've had friends I've lost, but it always took months of tension and conflict, not one day of success on my part....ah well...fuck it.

posts are gonna be scarce for a bit - I have two things going on - One is classes for CCNP traning going on the end of March - these are gonna be a heavy 10 days of studying - the other is gigs on March 11th, 15th, and April 2nd -

between the three of them I'm gonna be lucky to get any drinking or poker in at all - and next week is doing some straigening up of the living space - like moving a bed to the bedroom, moving a couch or chair to the living room, a 65 inch TV - crap like that....LOL


this week, I did a breakdown for someone of what I think is one of the greatest poker songs of all time - Townes Van Zandt's "Mr. Mudd and Mr. Gold" - here's the song with my comments in bold

it's a song about a poker game with cards taking on personifications - the cards are actually the characters in the story, not the players -

Well, the wicked King of Clubs awoke; it was to his Queen he turned,
His lips were laughin' as they spoke; his eyes like bullets burned.
"The sun's upon a gamblin' day." His Queen smiled low and blissfully.
"Let's make some wretched fool to pay." Plain it was she did agree.

the K and Q of Clubs decide it's a good day to play poker

He sent his deuce down into diamond, his four to heart, and his trey to spade,
Three kings with their legions come and preparations soon were made.
They voted Club the day's commander. Give him an army, face, and number;
All but the outlaw Jack of Diamonds and the aces in the sky.

he sends out emissaries to the other three suits, 2 to Diamonds, 4 to Hearts, and 3 to Spades, - just like a King calling his nobles out to the battlefield with their soldiers - The K of Clubs is the leader on the battlefield and all the cards are there....all EXCEPT the J of Diamonds who is mysteriously a black sheep to the family of Diamonds, and the Angels (i.e) Aces in the sky.

Well, he give his sevens first instruction: "Spirit me a game of stud
Stakes unscarred by limitation 'tween a man named Gold and a man named Mudd."
And Club filled Gold with greedy vapors 'till his long green eyes did glow.
Mudd was left with the sighs and trembles, watchin' his hard earned money go.

he sends out the 7's to find the guys for the game - the game is 5 card stud - 1 card down, 4 up - between two guys - Mudd and Gold - and Mudd ain't doing so hot.)

Flushes fell on Gold like water; tens they paired and paired again,
But the aces only flew through heaven and the diamond Jack called no man friend.
The diamond Queen saw Mudd's ordeal; began to think of her long lost son,
Fell to her knees with a mother's mercy; Prayed to the angels, everyone.

Mr. Gold is kicking ass - but there are no Angels (aces) or the J showing up on the board. - the Q of Diamonds sees Mudd getting his butt kicked and he reminds her of her son , the prodigal J of Diamonds, so she kneels and prays to the angels (Aces), on behalf of Mr. Mudd like a devoted mother praying for her son

The diamond queen, she prayed and prayed and the diamond angel filled Mudd's hole
Then the wicked King of Clubs himself fell face down in front of Gold.
Now three kings come to Club's command, but the angels from the sky did ride;
Three kings up on the streets of gold; three fireballs on the muddy side.

the scoop - - Mudd has 4 Aces - the Diamond A in the hole, and Gold has 4 Kings with the K of Clubs - the bastard that started all this - on Gold's side in the hole)

The club Queen heard her husband's call, but Lord, that Queen of Diamond's joy
When the outlaw in the heavenly hall turned out to be her wanderin' boy.
Now Mudd, he checked, and Gold bet all; Mudd he raised, and Gold did call
And his smile just melted off his face when Mudd turned over that Diamond Ace.

last two cards - J of Diamonds for Mudd, Q of Clubs for gold - you know at this point who won the hand - the prayers of the Q of Diamonds brought all the unseen participants into Mudd's hand -

Now here's what this story's told: You feel like Mudd, you'll end up Gold;
Feel like lost, you'll end up found, so Amigo, lay them raises down.

take what you want from the's an underdog song)


for some reason, I find this thought to suddenly be totally comical.

All over the world, two bit dumbasses are thinking how tough they are. How they're the card player. Thinking they're some samurai or gunfigher and the cards are their weapons - and what if it's entirely wrong.

What if the song is true....what if we're pawns to a group of characters who's sole purpose is to use us as tools to play poker. What if we're the pawns assisting the warriors on the battlefield - playing right into their hands....LOL - I love it and I love this song....anyone dumbshit can write a poker song or a song about poker (and many dumbshits have) but to take the POV of the cards - and to turn it into a struggle between the K of Clubs and outlaw prodigal Jacks and Angels from heaven, that's just fucking brilliant.


I also think Poker is gonna get so big they're gonna teach college classes on it at some point....THEN it will have gone too far, unless it's a math theory class.


no further updates right poker really this week cause of an overabundance of live music showcases - later


Tuesday, March 01, 2005

an old traditional tune...
I wonder what is keeping my true love this night...


I wonder what is keeping my true love this night
I wonder what is keeping her out of my sight
I wonder if she knows of the pain I endure
And stays from me this night, I'm not sure

Oh love are you coming your cause to advance
Or yet are you waiting for a far far better chance
"I am coming for to tell you I've a new love in store
I am coming for to tell you I love you no more"

For I can love lightly and I can love strong
I can love the old love till the new love comes on
I only said I loved you for to give your heart ease
And when I'm not with you I'll love whom I please

Oh, there's gold in my pocket and a pain in my heart
For I can't love a man with too many sweethearts
You're my first and only false love, but's it's lately I knew
The stronger I loved you the falser you grew

Oh, The spring grass grows the greenest and spring water runs clear
I'm sorry and tormented for the love of my dear
Your love it lies so lightly as the dew on the thorn
That's there in the evening and away with the dawn