Thursday, December 30, 2004

ah well - if a writer can't look past devestating losses of life to wallow in a little self pity, what good is he...

I'm being forced to have more human contact then is normal - I'm doing this New Year's Eve party tomorrow, and on Mon. I have something resembling a date/coffee/beer with a girl who lives about 3 blocks from me - not sure if I should have a couple drinks before she gets there and then drink pop and look like I'm abstaining - LOL -

on the poker front, I've thrown up twice in my last two trips out to Canterbury - one can see why i don't go there so much.... I'm fine unless I have to wait an hr. for a table, at which point, I'm going to the bar to slam down pints of Mike Hard Lemondae - a few high cost tourneys I had no business being in put me in the -1500 cat. for the yr. in losses - guessing it'll stay that way for the yr. I was doing fine Mon. night till I ate that crappy hotdog - then the shit couldn't stay down. damned hotdogs -

I got my amp from Bill, my Masterlink from Musician's friend, and i've recorded a cover of a song that'll go on a fan based tribute album to the Vigilantes of Love - I'll probably leave a link for it on here in a couple days. - it's not my song, but people can listen to it maybe...

my clothes are too tight - we got bigass porkchops from J.D. Hoyt - I've unbuttoned the top button of my pants here at work....much better fit -

Iggy has reposted Fetish and Losing in Las Vegas in his blog entry for the 30th of Dec - go here to read it - Hilarious to live the hard life - makes me look like a temperence driving saint - LOL

I realized again yet Tuesday that I have no clue what moderation means - not just in the booze way, but in anything that I enjoy including video games and DVD's - ....ah well - who needs Tuesday anyways....wasn't important - LOL -

an unusual warm wave of weather has hit Minneapolis - meaning freezing rain - meaning dumbshits galore - let me give you a basic tip about winter driving - just drive SLOWER - but not here in Minneapolis - which reminds me - when traveling, we love to look tough by talking how easy the winter is down in so and so - if they do that around you, bitch slap them. I'm gonna act like I'm freezing when I go to Vegas - (it's also 49 in vegas....wild - mostly in the 40's and 50's there) -

I should just say fuck it and schedule the flight/room to Vegas - I won't be out of debt but I'll be in the cold backdoor thrust of winter - best week will be the end of Jan or the week afterwards, as I'm going on the 4 day week the 3rd one -

prices range from $371 (downtown) to $471 (travelodge) to $571 (Flamingo) to the shit I'm too cheap to pay for - this includes airfare and 4 nights of rooms, of course - though anyone who catches the plane at 6am should lose the room on Tues, IMHO - but that's just me. Maybe I'll ask online -

once it's scheduled, I can relax....LOL -


I may hold up on blogging till after the new yr.

In light of the tragedy in the Indian Ocean region, any bitching I may have about bad beats or hard luck seem especially inappropriate.


Tuesday, December 28, 2004

I'm back.....I rock -

was remarkably easy to get reconnected to cable and internet - just called customer service -

gotta love the 1 bedroom.

ah well, gonna chill now....TTYL


Saturday, December 25, 2004

I have readied my 2005 spreadsheet.

One nice thing about this year...I never deceived myself into thinking I was a winner - yah...better to be self-deluded, I'm sure.

But now, while I can see my losses, I can also see what I did wrong - namely I got too involved with tourneys/limits that were too high - the Lower limits...the ones I applied myself to like 1/2, 2/4, 3/6, and NL - well, those were positive for the year cause I had the bankroll and the money to back them up.

but my 5/10 and 6/12 losses, as well as those damned $400 tourneys I entered for no reason....those dropped when I saw what a beating I took.

So overall, I think it'll be a good yr for coming out ahead.

BTW, if you wanna use this spreadsheet, it's awesome - came from _And1_ on 2+2 and you can find it at this link.

I've gotten mine all ready - gonna stay focused on 5 online sites and my live game - rock and roll.

Also....never again will I pay a Neteller Fast Funds Transfer fee.


War is over if you want it

one of those deceptively complex statements that couch John Lennon's Christmas song...I wonder if it's really true.

I wonder if the would could live like Ghandi, or if somewhere along the way, someone has to stop the hitlers of the world.

well, I'm home from here we go again - back to the "Let's hope maybe this next year will be better then the last" mindset again - praying to God it's true, and not really believing it anymore.

oh well, Merry Christmas anyways....hug someone you love before they're gone.


Thursday, December 23, 2004

my copy of Supersystem 2 came in - I looked thru it - not gonna read it right now - just not something I'm focusing on. -

I'm gonna be ultra busy next week - for some time I've been wanting to upgrade from an efficenicy to a 1 bedroom, and there's one available on the floor I want and they asked if I could move Jan 1st (as opposed to the 2 months I was supposed to wait under previous management) -

so next week Sun-Tues I'll be moving stuff and getting it out of the old apt. - I may lose online for a couple days, I suspect - and of course, we have to do all that damned address changing stuff - except this time it's just apt. numbers -

and I'd like to buy a bed....a small one....maybe just a twin - something I can sleep on normally instead of this futon shit -

and I'll have a small fireplace....all the better for reading with - paying $150 extra in rent -

but I'll finally have two rooms and a balcony - I've been dying for a balcony....though now I'd probably be freezing for it.


Wednesday, December 22, 2004

as may or may not be apparent, I have spent the last few days on a sorta slide back into the days of whiskey and all day drinking - I had 5 or 6 days off and I let myself go totally for a couple of them, but due to my spacing drinks out, was able to fight the massive hangovers I used to get. - but that "Once a week" pattern I was getting into is down the toilet. I actually bought bottles for home which I really haven't done in months, since for me drinking was a social activity - I went out to see people and drank then.

part of the reason I don't like drinking at home is because I want to go out and see people, but that hasn't been a problem the last couple days with this town being colder then a witch's tittie -

now I'm trying to get back on the wagon, and I'm sadder then hell - someone on my alcoholism forum said this is technically a grieving process - You're losing something you love, and it makes you sad....but then you find yourself going back to it a lot.

I regret the first night I ever got seriously drunk. (I remember it too - gold schlagger at Lee's) - I regret the friends who encouraged me to drink after never doing it for 29 yrs....(in fact, I wasn't a drinker when I picked the name whiskeytown, I don't think) - and I regret letting it get to a point where it has become dear to me. I hate how I can walk thru a casino and not overspend, or I can turn down weed and cigarettes, but I can't get rid of this demon. And I hate trying to quit all the time and telling people I quit and then seeing their faces when they realize I fell off the wagon or started up again. And I hate how when I quit I get all morose for a few days like someone died on me - it's the grieving process and I don't want it.

and I hate the holidays and I hate winter....I just want them all to go away and leave me on the edge of lake Calhoun on a partly cloudy day and a warm wind watching people sail.

yah....I would think it's safe to say that this is offically a bad day :(

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

so I'm reading thru my I'm prone to do when I'm wondering what a woman might think when she reads it - (she'll see I love music, have a bondage fetish, and can't play poker worth shit....LOL)

and I'm reading about my two big tourney wins....and in both, I say the same thing

I say I'm not good enough cause I play too aggressive post flop - if I play, I'm all in whether I think I have the best hand, or if I bluff....

and I realize....damn, my results haven't been the same since I tried to change that...

so I'm gonna be overagressive post flop for a few tourneys....see how it goes.


Monday, December 20, 2004

took a blogger test today....what kind of a soul are you.

Most misunderstood one? Motherfucker.

You Are a Retrospective Soul

The most misunderstood of all the soul signs.
Sometimes you even have difficulty seeing yourself as who you are.
You are intense and desire perfection in every facet of your life.
You're best described as extremely idealistic, hardworking, and a survivor.

Great moments of insight and sensitivity come to you easily.
But if you aren't careful, you'll ignore these moments and repeat past mistakes.
For you, it is difficult to seperate the past from the present.
You will suceed once you overcome the disappoinments in life.

Souls you are most compatible with: Traveler Soul and Prophet Soul

Here's a fun story on 2+2 - I won't reprint it here cause I like the bisonbison format over there.

Sometimes it's fun to screw with people - more fun then getting angry or showing how smart you are.

Table is raping me right now though - can't with with AK, AQ, or get action with KK -


oh yah....some poker content.

Full Tilt Poker now has Razz on the site - regular Razz ringgames - Howard Lederer has put his table there instead of stud h/l -

It's interesting - Razz has picked up as a result of the WSOP game on TV this year. - I think it appeals to the loser in pocket A's tuesday promotions at Canterbury (if you lose with AA, you get 75 bucks) - we're so used to being disappointed, that we're attracted to games that let us profit from those disappointments - heh heh.

I never understood why pokersites didn't offer every possible game - there's no cost except basic programming - some rare games would bring people to the site to fill the coffers - it doesn't kill anyone to have the extra tab. - Planet Poker used to do this, but I think their new site is a lot more focused on the big 5 - (Holdem, Stud, Stud H/L, Omaha, Omaha H/Lo)

speaking of new games - I had an idea today where they could do this game where the best hand always won - if you have a pair of 5's vs AK, you're an 11.5 - 10 fav. and you win - it would make pairs premium and high cards a bit less valuable - then I realized I basically was describing two card poker holdem without the flop-river, and then it didn't seem so impressive.

we pause in this thought to go to this special moment....Nelly and Tim Mcgraw doing a video together....holy fuck....this is disgraceful - GRHAHAHAHAH - biggest descration since Third Eye Blind tried covering a Who song. - this is almost as bad as Shania Twain releasing two videos fer her new song - one a country version with a country singer, one a pop version with Mark Mcgrath. - I wish musicians were starving like painters and poets more....fuck.

ok....I feel better now...but still....fuck


Chelsea Walls is on TV - the IFC channel -

I forgot what a movie that appeals to me in the sense that it's a bunch of artists trying to find something, but unlike other artist communities (like the one Tara belongs to) - it does't feel nearly as hopeful as that community though.

reminds me of this old Christian book I read called Angelwalk - in it is an angel who calls himself (I think) Chronicle - he's writing the chronicles of man and observations - yet he's not part of heaven...he was cast out with Satan, not because he took the devil's side, but because he didn't take any side. At the end of the book, saints are walking the road to heaven and his chronicles are in the dirt and forgetten -

that's what most artists remind me of...emotional masturbation - as a songwriter, I'm always happy when I can write something that is totally removed from me and "my pain" - (aka, the Jewel Syndrome....aka "we're breaking up and it's your fault cause you can't communicate with me syndrome") - because it can reflect someone else, and that's just less selfish. :)

anyways, it's a great movie, and you should watch it. Much better then this shit on the big screen these days....Ethan Hawke directed with one hell of a cast.

I have VH1 on TV right now....Destiny's Child "Soldier" is on - what a piece of shit - what a god awful piece of shit - and WTF is up with this rap interlude they throw in songs these days... - trying to get street cred or something...My status ain't hood, so I guess I ain't getting with Beyonce - LOL - I should turn down the music and put a DBT song on.

not sure what I'm going to do for the next 11 hrs...I have violin lessons at 2pm, and I have to practice between 11-1, most likely - I feel like playing cards, but no decent tourneys - I wish I could wipe my 4/8 losses out but I can't really do that with only Doyle's room offering the tables - (actually I could go to UB) - maybe I will.


Sunday, December 19, 2004

holy's -7 degrees outside.....AGH

today it should have chances of freezing rain and snow....holy shit....

-7 degrees....looks like a normal dawn day out the window - (and in two days they'll get longer) but it's -7 degrees out....holy shit.

I've done some interesting turns out I'm UP for the last 3-4 months in my limit games, and in fact, on the Whiskeytown poker tour, I have wiped out all 1/2, 2/4, and 3/6 losses - with only the .50 and the upper limits I can't afford to beat....LOL -

the NL ones are gone too - I think I'm gonna try for satellites the next two weeks - each one is $180 bucks - and if I do two a day and get one, that's 150 in tourney dollars, and I'm down to about $1000 in losses for the yr. again.

I realize the point is not to get even in two weeks, but damnit, I could do it - I have time and I have a here we go...crunch time.

at least I've erased the red ink in 1/2, 2/4 and 3/6 - I guess SSHE musta rubbed off on me a bit.


Saturday, December 18, 2004

ugh....horrible taste in my mouth....been sleeping too much the last 48 hrs...

to summarize, I've just been going to sleep whenever I want - which means about every 10-12 hrs I'm out for 6-8 - no point in getting on days when I'll have to go back to nights on Wed.

lately, dreaming seems to be the escape alcohol was...wherever I'm at when I'm dreaming, it's not here....

with my luck I'll become addicted to the shit just like everything else....ah well. And there is ALWAYS poker somewhere in my dreams...LOL - never hot women in tight leather miniskirts, never booze -- but poker, sure....that ALWAYS pops up somewhere.... motherfucker...LOL

guess I'll take the 10pm hr to dick around on Doyle's room - best short term success I've had with a site in recent memory - so I'll milk it for awhile...

ah last thing - you may have noticed the addition of links to the page (only took me 20 min. to get off my ass and figure that out) - SO, if you link to this site or read it and want a link to yours for the 5 or 6 people who do so, then by all means, go for it.... - I will not be differentating between poker links and other links as of this week - but now it's fairly easy to do, so I may start making those things happen....we'll see. I don't foresee the bar becoming too cluttered, to be honest.


Friday, December 17, 2004

poker updates - I'm trying to wipe out the 2/4 losses I've incurred this yr - 80 more bucks and I'll move on to 4/8 -

you know what....let me go off for a minute...

There are democrats out there saying we need to seperate ourselves from Michael Moore and his radical liberalism - the Bill Clinton democrats saying we need to isolate ourselves from progressive politics and their mouthpieces.

What really blows me away are democrats critizing Michael Moore - saying he might have cost them the election.

So let me get this straight - in 2000, he supports a 3rd party candidate, and supposedly, this costs democrats the presidency -

then in 2004, he comes over to the Democratic side, and they say his movie/politics cost them the election.

Let me tell you something....progressives will NOT go away, and if we can bring the democratic party over, then great, but we're not going to compromise and cast votes for the lesser of two evils - I'll tell you drive him away, and he will NOT come back in 2008, and neither will those who think like him.

so wake the fuck up, democrats....


Thursday, December 16, 2004

putting people on the moon - / lyrics by Patterson Hood - Music by Drive-by Truckers

Mary Alice had a baby and he looked just like I did
We got married on a Monday and I been working ever since
Every week down at the Ford Plant but now they're shutting down
Goddamned Reagan in the White House and nobody gives a damn

Double Digit unemployment, TVA be shutting soon
While over there in Huntsville, They puttin' people on the moon

So I took to runnin' numbers for this man I used to know
And I sell a few narcotics and I sell a little blow
I ain't getting rich now but I'm gettin' more than by
It's tough to make a living but a man;s just got to try

If I died in Colbert County, Would it make the evening news?
They too busy blowin' rockets, Puttin' people on the moon

Mary Alice, she quit askin' why I do the things I do
I ain't sayin' that she likes it, but what else I'm gonna do?
If I could solve the world's problems I'd probably start with hers and mine
But they can put a man on the moon
And I'm stuck down here just scraping by

Mary Alice died of cancer just like everybody here
Seems everyone I know is gettin' cancer every year
And we can't afford no insurance, I been 10 years unemployed
So she didn't get no chemo and our lives was destroyed
And nothin' ever changes, the cemetery gets more full
And over there in Huntsville, even NASA's shut down too

Another Joker in the White House, said a change was comin' round
But I'm workin' at the Walmart, Mary Alice in the ground
And all them politicians, they all lyin' sacks of shit
They say better days upon us but it's sucking left hind tit
And the preacher on the TV says it ain't too late for me
But I bet he drives a Cadillac and I'm broke with hungry mouths to feed

and I wish I was still an outlaw, was a better way of life
I could clothe and feed my family still have time to love my pretty wife
if you say I'm being punished, then you got better things to do
Turnin' mountains into oceans Puttin' people on the moon
Turnin' mountains into oceans Puttin' people on the moon

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

3/4th of the way thru training (turns out Thurs. is our last day)- I have been unsuccessful in keeping a sleep schedule like everyone else....I finally got to bed at 9pm last night, but went to sleep from 4-10pm after work.

I will say this....I may not ever become a professional poker player, but I sure as hell have the hours of one.

the Whiskeytown Poker Tour is in shambles, but I did wipe out losses in the 1/2 and 3/6 games... - can't find enough 2/4 and 4/8 on Doyle's room to clean up - (good site for me....real easy players...but not Party Poker blind fishy) - but at the end of the day, had I not played 5/10 and 6/12 like a fish before my time, I might have done all right.... -

we'll save that for next yr. and write off this yr. as a loss I guess....barring a massive tourney win in the next two weeks, but I won't knock myself out over it.


Monday, December 13, 2004

well, I'm trying to sleep but no dice...

and in 7 hrs, it's up and off to the real world this week - real 8-5 hrs 5 days a week (haven't done that in about 5 yrs.) -

in retrospect, that blows dog chunks....I hate being like everyone else....something about graveyard 3 nights a week, you get a bit happy to be standing outside on a break at 3 am, watching limos pull by the strip club and just generally observing what is some people's primo party time...

will try to sleep....but what can I do....hard to go from nights to days in 36 hrs.


Friday, December 10, 2004

why hello there...I'm whiskey - whiskeytown....permit me to commence on the overnight work rant...:) -

mmmmmnnn....whiskey - for some reason, I didn't drink on Tues...-I bought a glass for my friend's gig and I sat with it in front of me for 20 min, and then tossed it. 35 min. later, unrealistically sad and sober, I bailed early on their set and went to Perkins - don't know why, reason I should be sad for tossing a 4 buck shot - maybe cause I wanted it so badly.'s cause the frontgirl is so hot, and she's in one of those on/off friends with benefits relationships when she really should be in something better with me...LOL - but the shot bugged me too...

I don't know if I've ever said this....but you know what I want more then never drinking be like everyone else I know who has a beer or two, the occasional shot, the occasional hangover, but go on with their lives the other 360 days of the yr. like it's nothing at all - I envy those people like there's no tomorrow. People who just don't worry about it and can relax and use it's advantages -

Of course, there are probably people who envy the hell out of me...I can walk thru a casino and ignore the craps/roulette/slots and have $5 grand at my disposal and go to a 3/6 game - or try weed 6 times in my life and not care if I try it again - different addictions for different folks, I guess... - but then again, I have been dreaming a lot more about casinos for some dumbass reason.

I'm hoping Harrington's book helps me...I've been in a bit of a slump tourneywise again....been a few weeks/months since a final table finish - don't like that much...

I told a joke with Felicia one time - saying I should count how many times I do the following in this blog

a) - say I need to improve my poker game
b) - say I need to cut back/quit whiskey
c) - print out song lyrics for songs I like.

the count is 4 for poker, 5 for booze, and 13 for song lyrics....LOL - at least I have my priorities straight. and shitloads of griping about old girlfriends/boredom/and dishwater money placement in tourneys....

I'm not gonna feel like I have myself for a few days - after the Fri. overnight shift into Sat, I'm being sent to training next week for 5 days - M-F 9-5pm - so I get 36 hrs off and back in to the grind of the real world....ugh... -

and then, the bosses have told us 36 hrs. a week ain't enough, so we're gonna start doing a 4th day every 3rd week as announced - know what that means...lots of people doing their job even MORE half-assed then usual....swell....I considered moving closer to my job so I could walk to my apt....take the quick breaks at home, which would friggen rock to the nth friggen degree....maybe a townhouse near my friend Ryan's place.

but that's not today...that's another day....

went to the doc. on tuesday - he said those stabbing or throbbing chest pains aren't an issue - it's the crushing/sweating stuff that worries them. (did you know the heart has no pain/nerve endings, so when it's hurting, the brain sends out pain signals to other parts of the body to let you know it's taking damage?) -

actually, my chest has been seriously bugging me for the last two hrs...stress/work mostly I think - if I drop off the planet, don't wasn't a suicide....just a plain ol' broken heart

but not tonight, I don't think.

screw it....lets make it 14 song lyrics.... Poison Lovers, by Steve Earle

I was almost out of here
Nearly left this time
I saw you in my rearview mirror
And I pulled up on a dime
But nothin' ventured, nothin' lost
You can't say we didn't try
That is unless you weigh the cost
Of every tear we cried

Why do we do this to each other
I guess we were always poison lovers

If you could look me in the eye
And tell me what you see
Maybe you can tell me why
I let you torture me
I know that your lips are soft
And they sing the sweetest songs
But I've been listenin' long enough
My heart has turned to stone

Why do we do this to each other
I guess we were always poison lovers

Another time, another place
Another wind to blame
Cover every track and trace
I'll find you just the same
And even if we made our peace
And went our separate ways
You'd go west and I'd go east
And we'd meet here in this place

Why do we do this to each other
I guess we were always poison lovers


Thursday, December 09, 2004

I got my copy of Harrington on Hold Em , Vol 1. today - (Supersystemie 2 is AWOL still) - I didn't realize he had gotten to the WSOP final table 4 times in the last 10 yrs...I just thought it was 3.

it has been pointed out that on page 6, in the basic glossary of terms (something I skipped, since I know what a big blind is) - the button is described as going around the table COUNTER-CLOCKWISE - the lads at 2+2 have been having fun with that one...

I suspect the rest of the book will be ok...LOL


when I was in my 4th yr. of college - about 10 yrs. ago, I used to work summer maintenance in the dorms at Northwestern College - I'd go from room to room a couple times and we'd fix stuff and move on - I used to listen to Indigo Girls "Swamp Ophelia" - Mary Chapin Carpenter's "Come On, Come On" and a whole host of crappy cassettes before I could afford a CD player.

In the evenings sometimes I'd intern in radio...other times I was working a 2nd radio job and killing myself - it would be warm and I'd read computer ads and dream of buying my first PC - a 486DX -

or I'd be working on an independent study credit (needed 1 eng. credit to graduate) - - reading the Leatherstocking Tales and noticing inconsistancies between the development of the Natty Bumppo character - we'd shoot bb guns in the dorm room, watch tornados form and get ready to run for our lives - wander the campus grounds - and life was light and carefree, despite being broke, wore out, hard worked, and hornier then a dog in heat and not getting any cause all the girls were waiting till marriage :) -

or I'd have a girl want to date me one week and not the next - and I'd not give a shit - and I'd have friends calling me, and I never dreamed or wanted booze -

and I'd listen to MCC's "I am a town" and dream of roadtrips in a crappy '79 Toyota to North Carolina -

I wonder what happens to a person in those 10 yrs. that changes life so drastically - that alters our visuals of what makes a person fundamentally happy and fundamentally sad...


I'm a town in Carolina, I'm a detour on a right
For a phone call and a soda, I'm a blur from the driver's side
I'm the last gas for an hour if you're going twenty-five
I am Texaco and tobacco
I am dust you leave behind

I am peaches in September, and corn from a roadside stall
I'm the language of the natives, I'm a cadence and a drawl
I'm the pines behind the graveyard, and the cool beneath their shade,
where the boys have left their beer cans
I am weeds between the graves.

My porches sag and lean with old black men and children
Their sleep is filled with dreams, I never can fulfill them
I am a town.

I am a church beside the highway where the ditches never drain
I'm a Baptist like my daddy, Jesus knows my name
I am memory and stillness, I am lonely in old age;
I am not your destination
I am clinging to my ways
I am a town.

I'm a town in Carolina, I am billboards in the fields
I'm an old truck up on cinder blocks, missing all my wheels
I am Pabst Blue Ribbon, American, and "Southern Serves the South"
I am tucked behind the Jaycees sign, on the rural route
I am a town
I am a town
I am a town

Wednesday, December 08, 2004


It's coming on Christmas
They're cutting down trees
They're putting up reindeer
And singing songs of joy and peace
Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
But it don't snow here
It stays pretty green
I'm going to make a lot of money
Then I'm going to quit this crazy scene
I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
I wish I had a river so wide
I would teach my feet to fly
Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
I made my baby cry

she tried hard to help me
You know, she put me at ease
And she loved me so naughty
Made me weak in the knees
Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
I'm so hard to handle
I'm selfish and I'm sad
Now I've gone and lost the best baby
That I ever had
Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
I wish I had a river so wide
I would teach my feet to fly
Oh I wish I had a river
I made my baby say goodbye

It's coming on Christmas
They're cutting down trees
They're putting up reindeer
And singing songs of joy and peace
I wish I had a river
I could skate away on

-- Joni Mitchell

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

an acquaintance of mine is selling an amp and guitar - it's old stuff - but I have to look at his selling it as another example of the musical dream not panning out - he was a musician on a major label, and then on some big indies, but not being in front of the right people at the right time led to basically folding up and playing to 20 people in crappy Nashville clubs.

he wrote this big post this week about being "fragile" - despondant and depressed at what should have been a music career that worked -

everyone I know is or has been on antidepressants the last yr. (myself included) - a good chunk of us like myself use drugs or alcohol to make the stress of life more bearable -

as a person of religious faith....this is killing me...the righteous work to the bone and the unrighteous really tears at any faith I have left....

I just wish fragile wasn't the word so many of us use to describe life.... -


Monday, December 06, 2004

Party Poker has started something called the STEPS challenge - you can find out more about it here

it's almost a continuation of our old OIC (open internet challenge) - but the way seats are structured, it'll probably play closer to a satellite to a satellite 4 times over.

I posted about it on 2+2 and right off the bat, a lot of people are talking about bypassing the first couple levels and going right on up to 3rd or 4th.... am I the only one who thinks this is asinine? - So you're good enough to beat a $500 or $1000 SNG - why not save money and chances and start at the ol' $11 buck level (since you're so good - you should be able to beat it easy) -

and the payouts are almost 40 percent - counting the freeroll or the free entry into the same level over again - the logic eludes me....ah well.

in any case, Party and the $1000 SNG'ers are gonna do well, to say the least...

If I had a scanner. I'd post a pic. of Indian Dog on here (I guess the other name was Willow, though we never used that)

Mutt personified...LOL - as many dogs that come from Indian Reservations are - they have a habit of running wild on them, esp. in Browning. -

She didn't like kids much, and like I said before, hated brooms....In retrospect, I wonder if it was kids beating up on her with sticks or brooms. - That would explain why she didn't like them much.

And man, did she guard the place - every other dog would bark when someone came, but then go smiling and wagging tails once the car pulled up - not Indian Dog - she kept the aggression on till we told her to stop, and then she was cool - that's all it really took...LOL -

I guess in retrospect, when you come from where she did (an abused stray dog) and you get a family, love, and a home, you'd probably die to defend it....

found out she was buried in the front yard - Dad said that way she'd have a view of the driveway... :) -

damn, world feels really cold and lonely tonight...I knew she was in bad shape when I was up there in Aug., but yer never ready for it.


Sunday, December 05, 2004

just spoke to my dad...

we had a dog - called her Indian dog cause he found her on a reservation about 16 yrs ago running trains between Kalispell and Havre - eventually, he went over, snagged a big trunk, and brought her back in it...she was a stray but was scared to death of brooms, meaning someone used to beat her with one.

she was an incredibly faithful dog, and very protective - kept the Jehovah's Witnesses in the car.

Well, she was getting worse and worse...having seizures and possibly a stroke. She barely had enough energy to get herself off the floor by this time. Anyways...on Thanksgiving Dad let her outside, let her walk around a bit, and then she sat down outside in the snow, and he gave her a pat on the head one last time and then he put her down with a rifle.

She was a damned good dog...I wanna cry just thinking about it...

we'll miss ya indian dog. - definately lived up to the name "Man's Best Friend"



wanting to see House of Flying Daggers, but it's only being released in LA and NY right now.

I'm in the Pokerstars $215 - we'll see how it goes.


Thursday, December 02, 2004

should anyone from Minneapolis actually read this pieceo'crapola and should you be free Fri. night -

I'm doing a songwriter's thingy at Dunn Bros. Grand on Fri. night the 3rd from 8-11pm

just punch this into mapquest, come on by, and try the mocha - whiskeytown and his two friends will be trading off songs for 3 hrs.

St. Paul
1569 Grand Avenue
St. Paul Minnesota 55105


Wednesday, December 01, 2004

last night was my longest B&M session ever - I went 13.5 hrs on 3/6 and went everywhere from $80 down to $200 up but left $55 up after two big hands got cracked (pocket K's and trip 7's on the flop) - somedays you just gotta know when it's time to pack up the chips and move on.

I played the part of Mike Caro - wired and boisterous - well ok, I was hopped up to the gills on caffinee - and I was kinda happy to be around people again after a friggen week playing NL for 30 hrs on a pc by myself

We had a real quiet player on our table - and as the beers came on, he got more boisterous, emotional, and a general pain in the ass come 1am - I saw the floor walk him out - I think they had to walk him to a cab, cause it wasn't safe to let him drive - but who the fuck am I to judge - got talked to by a couple dealers - got the floor's attention, got cut off - but when he came back to get his chips, the girl at the table (gf of a player who's birthday is today...happy birthday) thought his eyes were puffy - having worn shades for 12 hrs, I don't know what they were....puking does that but so does crying...I think he was having trouble with the woman who had his kids....

I miss Krista a lot today after that...- I don't know why after 2 yrs I can't seem to let it go - probably because that was and will probably be the best relationship I've ever had, and at this point, it's just sorta downhill till I die.

merry fucking christmas.