Monday, April 26, 2004

what to do when you're bored with poker...

change games, of course :) - On Felicia's example, I've started digging thru the Stud book by Roy West I bought last year, and have put a whole 2 FRIGGEN dollars into a 4/8 cent stud game on Pokerstars....

it's kinda cool in a learn without risking hundreds of dollars....technically, I could play freeroll too, but they're just TOO loose...I don't get any experience memorzing cards cause they never muck....LOL

maybe I'll sign up for a tourney in a couple hrs....


Sunday, April 25, 2004

screw it....

you can't win if you can't lose, and right now, risking $100 to win a $530 seat ain't bad, but to risk that $100 to win the $530 tourney....that's a good deal...

I dunno why I'm doing'll be the highest tourney buyin I've ever paid...but it'll also be slower, more controlled, more to a guy of my style

I've got 2500 in tourney chips beside my computer from my own chip collection, and I'll always reach for that stack before I hit bet/raise, just to remind myself of what I'm risking...

and I've got a 12 pack of coke and meat lover's pizza on the way :D

see ya after we're done


well, rebuy players do suck royal dog balls

played only one tourney tonight - and 3 satellites (including a FPP one) - the other three were rebuy tourneys where I took one entry, one rebuy, and one add-on / a 5 buck and 20 buck satellite, and an 11 buck tourney

the 20 buck satellite was turbo, BTW, and with 100 players, it's over in 90 min. - that's the one I won a seat in after I played so aggressively, it made even ME sick...

I did luck out and get a seat for the $500 - but ya know.....I'm gonna cash it in...I won the seat on luck...(well, I had the best hand preflop...but got hit on the turn and only a 2 outer on the river could save me) -

right now, I just don't feel confident or rich enough to blow my bankroll on a 500 that $500 will keep me in tourney dollars for awhile, and may even get me some sweet rebuy action for WSOP satellites....

gotta start a BR somewhere....and 400 bucks for one nights profit is pretty damn good -


Saturday, April 24, 2004

Well, been an interesting week - went to Canterbury and finished 11th in a tourney of 132 people...unfortunately, they only paid 9 :(

I found out that I got neither job I interviewed for, so I'm going to keep my eyes open, and maybe near the end - if the BR is sufficent, go and play some PS rebuy tourneys to win seats/rebuys in their WSOP games - now I know I won't have to go to a new job in 3 weeks, it's a bit of a load off my mind -

otherwise, all is calm....trying to play a rebuy satellite for the $500 tomorrow...I forgot how bad rebuy players are :) - they SUCK


Tuesday, April 20, 2004

try as I might, I can't seem to duplicate my success of Sun. night

two near money finishes (one in a Sit and Go, one in a 2 buck) got me close, but some bad play in a $100 game took the wind out of my sails last night (he was bad, not me....LOL) -

so we're back at the $20 level, playing PL at pokerstars - sometimes the old ways are the best :)

Monday, April 19, 2004

whadda start...

signed up for the $20 tourney again at Pokerstars - it's at 10:30 pm this time...

first hand - AA - I raise to 220 on the button and get two callers - flop comes 358 and I push all in and 99 calls

second hand - KK - but no callers

I'm betting that I'm all out of good hands this tourney....I should quit now - but we'll see -


Well, sometimes you just need a break....

After my week long hiatus from poker, (which included sitting the beach in the sun, watching the Apprentice finale with friends and watching Kurosawa's classic "Ikiru" - I was ready to put 100 bucks back into Pokerstars and do the Sun. night NL at 11pm..

first off, a bit of stupidity here - I had to be up at 8am for a job interview at 10, and was hurting from a bit of a vodka binge - (me bad...still working on it) - and anyone who signs up for a tourney not expecting to play 4 hrs...well, it would make sense to just not play...but that's the way it goes sometimes -

First hr. was a dead land - down to 800 in chips with nothing coming in... - about 80-90 min. into the game in the 2nd hr, I got hit with KK, started raising and calling raises vs. JJ - and the dough started coming in - hands held up for once, basically - - and I did more then my share of calling all-in short stacks with hands like A/10 - I figure they got A/rag and I got em down to 3 outs

anyway, we make the money at 45 people shortly after the 2nd hr break - at this point, I'm popping Aleve, lying down for 5 min. breaks - and just generally sitting in my chair with my eyes closed till I hear the beep saying it's my bet - again, I got a couple biggies vs people with smaller hands (QQ vs 99 - KK vs JJ) - and I was lucky enough to have them hold up -

3rd hr, we're down to 18 players - now I'm wired - I want to win, obviously, but it gets to be worth my time a bit after the top two tables - Generally, I've gotten to the point where IF I can get into the money, and IF I have a decent amount of chips, I can usually carry it to the last two tables - a combo of blind stealing and using my big stack to bully the BB with 1/5 of what I've got works well for me. At this point, althouhg the blinds weren't that Big (1500/3000) - anyone who raised or called was going all-in on principle -

once we were at 10 players, I really got my work cut out for me cause the other table was REALLY slow - taking 2-3 min. per hand, and I was just dying to get to the top 9, get my money and get out. Once it happened, things started moving just a bit -

it's at this point (about 7-8 players left) - that I make my one major blunder - raise with AQ suited and get reraised by the next player over - I can cover him and still have a few chips left over to fight, so I call - and he's got AA - after congratulating him on his nice hand, I flopped a Q and turned another one to run him down with two of my three necessary outs - I SORTA felt bad about that one -

By the 4th hr break, we're down to 3 and we discuss deals - Now, normally, I'm not so scared of my abilities that I'll do one, but we three were fairly close stacked, and I was SO ready to take anything and get out that I had no problem to agreeing that everyone got 2nd place money, and we played for the $400 extra that went to the firstplace guy

after sitting out for 10 min. while waiting for PS support to arrive - we were down to 250,000/200,000/189,000 - I was the biggest stack - but once that deal arrived, my game collapsed - I didn't reraise or call enough raises - and with blinds of 10000/20000, I was getting chipped away - at 120000, I pushed allin with KQ and got called by AJ, and that's all she wrote -

no doubt I'd have played better had I enough sleep and energy, but at 1400 for my place, that would be the highest money finish I've ever made online , and at a 20 buck game with 400 people no less - I'm back in the Black again for the year, and I've got a bit more confidence and the BR to last a while now - (just the same, I want another big win before I withdraw any - LOL) -

and I did the job interview - found out how to tie a tie on the internet, went thru two hrs of questions on things I did when I found myself in a situation - finished it, came home, and slept for 6

not sure how that's gonna go, but worst case scenario, I still have my main job to fall back on - and who knows....maybe I can make this poker thing work after all...LOL


Wednesday, April 14, 2004

After Sun, I took a break from Poker and spent a couple days trying to stay clean and focused...that ended up lasting till Tuesday night....gotta work harder on that...but it was a minor crash. (anything that doesn't leave me in bed the whole day is a minor crash) -

Even now, I just can't bring myself to put money into a poker account - (I've got a few left anyways from Paradise and Planet Poker - but none at my fav. Pokerstars) -

I just need a break from poker....I might not even play the live tourney tonight at Canterbury...I just don't wanna play, and I'm sick of having the best hand crash and burn....phooey.


Sunday, April 11, 2004

boo hoo wah wah,...

another day...another sad attempt to put my name in the pantheon of poker players...

nearly won a satellite today....seems like I just couldn't have the best hand without getting outflopped - brutal day...couldn't place in anything but one sit and go....blech

AA vs KJ - QQ vs rags that flop 2 pair....

screw poker...I just wanna sit in the sun and never wake up...but we got a flurries stretch that kept that from happening today...maybe tomorrow.


Saturday, April 10, 2004

I was bummed last night - got horribly toasted - and after busting out of a 3 buck satellite, signed up for a $25 sit and go tourney - I took 2nd and won $67

problem is...I don't remember doing it - my memory is not clear after signing up - while some would say this is a good sign of my talent as a poker player, I would say I'm a lucky dumbass...I'm not even sure if I have money in my account or not, actually -

this has come to the point where I say enough...for months I've been trying to drink in moderation, or try the AA approach and that left me cold -
Now I've found something different called SMART Recovery - I'm going to give that a shot - it's more psychology, less "depend solely on god" - and none of the 12 step stuff that feels like brainwashing to me - AA meetings really haven't worked for me - (they would argue that I'm not doing it right, or not getting go and letting God - much like my Christian friends used to say about my depression...assholes)

I'll still keep the name whiskeytown's a cool band period...:) -

after work here (in about 90 min) I'll go home, and read the tourney history - try to figure out what the hell I did and how I won...was I a fool? - I know it was a speedy one, but I don't remember a damn thing, including the hand I busted out on...

that's what scares me the most - I've never really "blacked out" per se - I woke up where I expected to, and when, and came to work - but I don't remember the last 60 minutes of my night - after my last drink but before then end of the tourney -

this is gonna be tough....tougher then learning how to play poker well - I need to come up with lots of "coping activities" - these are pretty self explainatory - activities you do to keep yourself from cutting, killing yourself, or drinking -

these days, my entire life feels like one big fucking blur of coping activity to coping activity - but I guess I'll do what I can.

I don't want to drink anymore...I really don't - I know in a couple days I'll get some cravings again - but for now I want this to end.


Friday, April 09, 2004

When the day is long and the night,
the night is yours alone,
when you're sure you've had enough
of this life, well hang on.
Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries
and everybody hurts sometimes.

Sometimes everything is wrong.
Now it's time to sing along--
When your day is night alone,
if you feel like letting go,
when you think you've had too much
of this life, well hang on.

Everybody hurts.
Take comfort in your friends.
Everybody hurts.

Don't throw your hand. Oh, no.
Don't throw your hand.
If you feel like you're alone,
no, no, no, you are not alone

If you're on your own in this life,
the days and nights are long,
when you think you've had too much
of this life to hang on.

Well, everybody hurts--
sometimes everybody cries.
So, hold on, hold on.

lyrics by Michael Stipe - song by R.E.M -
copyrighted.... - and bless em for letting me print it here..


Wednesday, April 07, 2004

ok...we're gonna try this again....

In the past, I've set this piece of crap up for Poker things (like the OIC challenge) and it's either rambled or degenerated into something I couldn't avoid.

I hope to keep this a poker journal - but I realize I tend to think about too much other stuff, so if I just create this and let it go out there, maybe I'll feel better-

in any case, now friends like Felicia Lee don't have to ask how I'm doing...they can just come here....LOL -

allrighty....more as I feel like it.